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Page 1 of 81922 · PDF PAGE 98
…4 The Diary of a Drug Fiend “In fact, I assure you,” said I. ‘ Of course, it was all very well when I was a bachelor. Simple tastes, you know. But this little lady makes all the dif’.”’ . “Why, certainly,’’ replied Feccles, very seriously. “Yes, I see that perfectly. In fact, if I may say so, it’s really a duty to yourself and your heirs, to put yourself on Easy Street. But money’s been frightfully tight since the war, as you know. What with the collapse in the foreign exchanges, the decrease in the purchasing power of money, and the world’s go…
1922 · PDF PAGE 248
… he wants me to go back to the billiard-room. Perhaps there is some one waiting for me; some one to take me away to fulfil my destiny. I know now what it was that I thought was a shot, or a door closing. It was really both of these things in a mystical sense ; for I know now who the old man is, and that he is the father of the Messiah. ...
1922 · PDF PAGE 24
…pt to get up. He lay there whimpering. I raised my eyes from so disgusting a sight, and found them fixed by two enormous orbs. I did not know at the first moment even that they were eyes. It’s a funny thing to say; but the first impression was that they were one of those thoughts that come to one from nowhere when one is flying at ten thousand feet or so. Awfully queer thing, I tell you—reminds one of the atmospherics that one gets in wireless; and they give one a horrible feeling. It is a sort of sinister warning that there is some person or s…
1922 · PDF PAGE 363
…, it returns to its natural bent. The idea of the helicopter comes back with such a rush that you let your breakfast get cold, you don’t know your wife when she brings it, and you can talk about nothing else. For the first time in your life your self- consciousness is obliterated, You even start to explain your ideas to me, though I know nothing whatever of the subject. It doesn’t require any particular genius to see that you have discovered your true will. And that accounts for the champagne and applause at lunch.” I scratched my head, still h…
1922 · PDF PAGE 362
CHAPTER VII LOVE UNDER WILL I BEGAN to laugh despite myself. “Well,” I said, puffing at my cigar, “I do really wish you’d let me know what this is all about. Has Lloyd George resigned? ”’ “No,” said Big Lion, “it’s just you!” “What about me?” I retorted. “Why, your success, of course,” said Sister Cypris. Something, of course, quite obvious to them was hidden from my dull understanding. I turned on Basil point-blank. “What success ?”’ I said. “It’s true I do see my way through a formula that’s been bothering me. But I don’t see how you know abo…
1922 · PDF PAGE 162
…ee of people in Philadelphia had decided that a skirt must be not less than seven and a half inches from the ground—or not more. I don’t know which and I don’t know why. Anyhow, the net result is that the price of cocaine has gone up from a pound an ounce to anything you like to pay. So of course everybody wants it whether they want it or not, and anybody but a member of parliament would know that if you offer a man twenty or thirty times what a thing is worth in itself, he’ll go to a lot of trouble to make you want to buy it.... : Well, we fou…
1922 · PDF PAGE 65
…parts. I have very little imagination, my brain runs entirely to analysis; but I revel in playing a part that is devised for me. I don’t know how many times during that one dinner I turned from a civilised husband in Bond Street pyjamas into a raging mad- man. It was only after the waiters had left us with the coffee and liqueurs—which we drank like water without being affected—that Lou suddenly threw off her glittering garment. She stood in the middle of the room, and drank a champagne glass half -full of liqueur brandy. The entrancing boldnes…
1922 · PDF PAGE 31
…mirth of her heart. In an ordinary way, I suppose, I should have drunk a lot more than I did. And I didn’t eat much either. Of course, I know now what it was—that much-derided phenomenon, love at first sight. Suddenly we were interrupted. A tall man was shaking hands across the table with Owen. Instead of using any of the ordinary greetings, he said in a very low, clear voice, very clear and vibrant, as though tense with some inscrutable passion :— “Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.” There was an uneasy movement in the group. In …
1922 · PDF PAGE 100
…ot out, every financier in Paris would buy the thing over our heads. I wouldn’t have mentioned it to you at all except for two things. I know you're on the square —that goes without saying; but the real point is this, that I told you I rather believe in the Occult.” “Oh, yes,” cried Lou, “then, of course, you know King Lamus.”’ } Feccles started as if he had received a blow in the face. For a moment he was completely out of counten- ance. It seemed as if he were going to say several things, and decided not to. But his face was black as thunder.…
1922 · PDF PAGE 334
…run by rules, as much as possible.” ‘“‘ That’s it,” she nodded emphatically. | “ But I say,” said Lou, “ it’s all very well; but I don’t know whatever I’m to do with myself. The time must hang frightfully heavy on your hands.” “God forgive you,” cried Athena. ‘‘ One never has a minute one can call one’s own!” We laughed outright. “It’s easy to see you’re a pupil of King Lamus. You have acquired his talent for paradox in a very complete manner.” **I know what you mean,” she said, smiling. “ If you're a lazy person, this is the worst place in the…
1922 · PDF PAGE 315
…old her that when people are getting over drug-habits they were liable to say and do things entirely foreign to their characters. We all know how abundantly you have shown your courage and your sense of honour. We know your race, and we know your exploits. What happened at the interview with Mr. Platt didn’t count. You were a sick man. That was all. Maisie suggested that she should go round and fetch you ;; and thank heaven she got there in time!”
1922 · PDF PAGE 69
…nk of what she’d said tome. “ Your kiss is bitter with cocaine.” That chap Swinburne was always talking about bitter kisses. What did he know, poor old boy? Until you’ve got your mouth full of cocaine, you don’t know what kissing is. One kiss goes on from phase to phase like one of those novels by Balzac and Zola and Romain Rolland and D. H. Lawrence and those chaps. And you never get tired! You're on fourth speed all the time, and the engine purrs like a kitten, a big white kitten with the stars in its whiskers. And it’s always different and a…
1922 · PDF PAGE 63
…, you mustn’t blame your old friends for not being prophets! So I could not be on hand with the goods. However, I have lost no time. You know how poor I am, but I hope you will value the little present I am sending you, not for its own sake, but as a token of my deep affection for the loveliest and most charming girl I know. A word in your ear, my dear Lou: the inside is sometimes better than the outside. With my very kindest regards and best wishes to dear Sir Peter and yourself, though I can’t expect you to know that I even exist at the prese…
1922 · PDF PAGE 222
208 The Diary of a Drug Fiend that I was a singer, would I kindly refrain from meddling with other affairs e” ‘I know,” I put in, “as the captain said when the first officer interrupted him, ‘‘ What I want from you, Mr. Mate, is silence, and precious damned little of that !’” Again we found ourselves laughing together. It was really very extraordinary the way in which talking to Basil or his pupils exhilarated the mind. I began to see why he was so distrusted and disliked. People always pretend to want to be lifted out of themselves, but in rea…
1922 · PDF PAGE 39
… with the red lusts of man! I adore Thee, Evoe! I adore Thee, I A O!” I tingled and shivered as she sang; and then some- thing, I hardly know what, made me turn and look into the face of Gretel Webster. She was sitting at my right; her left hand was beneath the table, and she was looking at if. I followed her glance. In the little quadrilateral of the veins whose lower apex is between the first and middle fingers, was a tiny heap of sparkling dust. Nothing I had ever seen before had so attracted me. The sheer bright infinite beauty of the stuff…
1922 · PDF PAGE 342
…as to fix in one’s mind that the offence was really grave, so that the pretended scolding had all the effect of the genuine article. Not knowing this, I was surprised when she continued : “ That’s all right, Cockie, we know you’re a new chum.” But her finger pointed sternly to column two. It was headed, “ Reason for taking the dose.” Well, Dionysus had shown me the way out of that, so I turned impudently around and said :— “Enough of Because, be he damned for a dog!” The effect was electric. We both broke into a duet of low musical laughter tha…
1922 · PDF PAGE 80
… old school. As if by accident, he gave an account of the circumstances which had led to his leaving. ““ My old man was in the city, you know,” I heard him say, ‘‘ and he dropped his pile ‘somewhere in Lom- bard Street’’’ (he gave a false little laugh), ‘““ where he couldn’t pick it up, so that was the end of my academic career. He persuaded old Rosenbaum, the banker, that I had a certain talent for finance, and got me. a job as private secretary. I really did take to it like a duck to water, and things have gone very well for me ever since. Bu…
1922 · PDF PAGE 159
…all my heart and soul; and yet, somehow, I can’t. I want to be able to love until I get back. Oh, what’s the good of talking about it! I know I love him, and yet I know I can’t love any one. , I took a whole lot of cocaine. It dulled what I felt. I was able to fancy I loved him. We went to the show. It was awfully stupid. I was thinking all the time how I wanted to love, and how I wanted dope, and how I wanted to stop dope so that. the dope might do me some good. I couldn’t really feel. It was a dull, blind sense of discomfort. I was awfully ne…
1922 · PDF PAGE 208
…mained an ort of rage, and he told me to give it him, with a greedy snarl. If I had wanted to keep it from him, I shouldn't have let him know I had it. I brought him the stuff, sitting down by his side and lifting his head with one hand while I gave it to him on the back of the other. My heart sank like a stone in deep water. The old familiar attitude, the old familiar act !—and yet how different in every point! The convulsive movements stopped immediately. He sat up almost at once on one elbow. The only sign of distress was that he still breat…
1922 · PDF PAGE 99
…sound imagination.” In the ordinary way, I should have been embarrassed by so direct a compliment from a man who was so evidently in the know, a man who was holding his own with the brightest minds all over the world. But in my present mood I took it as perfectly natural. Lou laughed in my ear. ‘ That’s right, Cockie, dear,” she chirruped. ‘“ This is where you go right in and win. I’ve really got to have those pearls, you know.” _ “She’s quite right,’ agreed Feccles. “‘ When you're through with this honeymoon, come round with me, and we'll take…