Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

[108] TO PE OR NOT TO PE KING. O heavy burden ! POLONIUS. Hold on, I’m coming : I’ll withdraw, my lord. [Enter Hamlet.] HAMLET. To pe or not to pe : that is the question : Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous stricture Or to take arms against a closed urethra And by abscission, end it ? To fuck : to come : No more ; and, by a come to say we end The cockstand and the thousand natural lusts That flesh is heir to. ’Tis a consummation Devoutly to be wished. To fuck : to come : To come, perchance to clap ! Ay, there’s the rub. For from that come of fuck what clap may catch When we have shuffled off this mortal stand Must give us pause. There’s the chordee That makes calamity of so wet dreams ! For who would bear the jerks and drops of piss, The piss pot’s wrong, the bladder’s contumely, The pangs of prostate gland, the pe’s delay, The insolence of orchids, and the spurns That patient merit of the urethra takes When he himself might his quietus make With a greased catheter. Who would sandal swill To fart and shit under a potent purge But that the dread of something after gleet.