Diary of a Drug Fiend

The Final Plunge 239 I saw that all feeling, however it might seem to casual scrutiny, must be of the nature of pain, because it implied duality and imperfection; and that the nature of thought of whatever kind, must ultimately be insanity, because it expresses the relations between things, and never the things in themselves. It became evident that the sorrow of the Universe was caused by the desire of manifestation, and that death could not do more than suppress one form of existence in favour of another. Of course, the smpasse is complete. There seems to be no solution of the problem. It is a vicious circle. At the same time, by acquiescence in actuality, the insane insistence on one’s individual anguish is abated. Sympathy with universal suffering brings one into a certain sombre serenity. It does not show us the way of escape, if such there be, but at least it makes the idea of escape thinkable. As long as one is trying to get out of the burning theatre for one’s own sake, the panic makes concerted action impossible. ‘‘ Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost ”’ is not the kind of order that is likely to secure victory. It does not even ensure the safety of any one man. How quickly I had recovered my own well-being when I was forced to forget about it ! Peter is still desperately striving to save himself. “ He that loveth his life shall lose it.” I must dedicate my miraculously restored faculties to his salvation. Only I don’t see how to set to work. If only Basil were here. He would know. He has worked out the technique. All I can do is to love and labour blindly. After all, there must have been angels looking after me in some sense which I don’t pretend to understand. Why should they not be even more vigilant on his behalf ? I am only a foolish flapper not worth throwing into the waste-paper basket. He is a splendid man with a glorious past and endless possibilities for the future.