Diary of a Drug Fiend

Cold Turkey 225 of animal life, and when one has got to the stage where one becomes wholly spiritual, the body becomes cold like a corpse.... A dreadful thing has happened. We have used up all the heroin, and there is hardly any cocaine. I remembered what I had sewn away in my white frock, and went to get it. It was on the floor in a corner of the drawing-room. It was all shrunk and rumpled and dirty, and it was still quite wet. I suppose I must have gone a long walk in the rain, though I don’t remember anything about it. All the heroin was washed away. There wasn’t a grain left. Peter came in and found me crying. He understood at once what had happened. All he said was :— “ You'll have to go back to McCall.” I couldn’t even be angry. Men are too grossly animal to understand. How could I do such a thing, seeing who I was? He wanted some H. badly; finding it gone, made him want it insanely. He took one of the packets and began to chew it. “Thank God,” he said, ‘it’s quite bitter. There must be a lot in the dress.” | I was shivering and faint. I got another packet, and put it in my mouth. He went wild and clutched me by the hair, and forced open my jaws with his finger and thumb. I struggled and kicked and scratched ; but he was too strong. He got it out and put it in his own mouth. Then he hit me in the face as I sat. I went flat and limp, and began to howl. He picked up the dress and the packets, and started to go. I caught at his ankles desperately ; but he kicked himself free, and went out of the room with the dress. _ I was too weak and hurt to go after him, and my nose was bleeding. But I had got some H., and I remembered who I was. This was all part of the ordeal. At any moment I