The Equinox (Volume I, Number VIII)

28 THE EQUINOX offering under these terrible circumstances all that yet remains. Fortunately I am quite unable to think of the thing in detail or as a reality. (He adds a note to this on December 31. " Not ‘ fortunately’ at all. One never gets able to do so. Stupor and pangs get to the limit, and that limit is easy reached by very partial conceptions of one’s 1055.") . . . . I have lived through the day. A . '. a sad mechanic exercise. A no good. Practically broke down playing billiards. Have drugged myself. (He was playing with a surgical friend, who insisted on his taking Veronali) Will do A and sleep . Went to ”??”:שmm’ Isa/de. Slept right through from overture to Act 11; my neighbour then ejected me for snoring. Did A feebly, in streets. Went to Plymouth to meet wife. Did A in train. A shade better, and more acquiescence or survival or transcendencefiwhichever name you prefer. Really too ill to do a regular A but struggled through, and repeated vows. . Still breaking down at intervals and staggering from nervous weakness. Dropping off to sleep at odd times and places. A practically nil.