28
THE EQUINOX
offering under these terrible circumstances all
that yet remains.
Fortunately I am quite unable to think of the
thing in detail or as a reality.
(He adds a note to this on December 31.
" Not
‘ fortunately’ at all.
One never gets able to do
so.
Stupor and pangs get to the limit, and that
limit is easy reached by very partial conceptions
of one’s 1055.")
.
.
.
. I have lived through the day.
A . '. a sad mechanic exercise.
A
no good.
Practically broke down playing billiards.
Have
drugged
myself.
(He
was playing
with
a
surgical
friend, who
insisted
on his taking
Veronali)
Will do A
and sleep
. Went to ”??”:שmm’ Isa/de.
Slept right through
from overture to Act 11;
my neighbour then
ejected me for snoring.
Did A
feebly, in streets.
Went to Plymouth to meet wife.
Did A
in
train.
A shade better, and more acquiescence
or survival or transcendencefiwhichever name
you prefer.
Really too ill to do a regular A
but struggled
through, and repeated vows.
. Still breaking down at intervals and staggering
from nervous weakness.
Dropping off to sleep
at odd times and
places.
A
practically
nil.