The Equinox (Volume III, Number I)

A MASTER OF THE TEMPLE dition mentioned for over an hour, as it was 12 o’c. when I looked at the time. In fact, it may have been nearer two hours.” The above meditation left Frater V.I.O. with a feeling of “Nearly but not Quite.” He had, to some extent, gazed at the Goal of Nothingness, but had failed to Become that Goal. The following day there is despondency and dissatisfaction. On April 22nd reason again holds sway, and he tries to use it to discover just where he is, of course without success, since Reason can never explain that which is Beyond Rea- son. I think at this point he also began to make another grave error; he tried to compare his experiences with those of John St. John, with the result that, later on, when he undertook a Retirement, that of J. St. J. subconsciously in- fluenced him to a great extent, although he would not and could not have admitted it at the time. In these things one must be Oneself, not try to be another. His entry of April 22 is a long one, and I quote it in part. I wish I could express myself better. On reading J. St. J. again I find that I can comprehend it ever so much better than when I first read it some three months after its publication. Then, it seemed like a dream of the far distant future; now, many parts seem like records of my own experiences, only ex- pressed infinitely better than I have been able to put them. Now, of what value are the experiences I have gained? Why is the state of Oneness with Adonai not lasting, or rather, is it possible to remain always conscious of that State? How is it when reading an account like J. St. John’s that I know what he is talking about, and can feel with him the difficulty of putting these things into words? I could not have realized this a year ago, before I entered into certain states of which I cannot gauge the value at all, while in normal consciousness. There is no Doubt Then. But how may I be Sure always? I will fetch THE Egutnox, and put down the points as they come to me. Let me quote Page 87. “Well, one thing I got (again!) that is that when all is said and done I am that I am, all these thoughts of mine, angels and devils both, are only fleeting moods of me. The one true self of me is Adonai. Simple! Yet I cannot remain in that simplicity.” I can realize that state perfectly, but I am not a Magician, I 147