A MASTER OF THE TEMPLE
dition mentioned for over an hour, as it was 12 o’c. when I looked at the time.
In fact, it may have been nearer two hours.”
The above meditation left Frater V.I.O. with a feeling of
“Nearly but not Quite.” He had, to some extent, gazed at
the Goal of Nothingness, but had failed to Become that Goal.
The following day there is despondency and dissatisfaction.
On April 22nd reason again holds sway, and he tries to use
it to discover just where he is, of course without success,
since Reason can never explain that which is Beyond Rea-
son. I think at this point he also began to make another
grave error; he tried to compare his experiences with those
of John St. John, with the result that, later on, when he
undertook a Retirement, that of J. St. J. subconsciously in-
fluenced him to a great extent, although he would not and
could not have admitted it at the time. In these things one
must be Oneself, not try to be another. His entry of April
22 is a long one, and I quote it in part.
I wish I could express myself better. On reading J. St. J. again I find that I
can comprehend it ever so much better than when I first read it some three
months after its publication. Then, it seemed like a dream of the far distant
future; now, many parts seem like records of my own experiences, only ex-
pressed infinitely better than I have been able to put them. Now, of what value
are the experiences I have gained? Why is the state of Oneness with Adonai
not lasting, or rather, is it possible to remain always conscious of that State?
How is it when reading an account like J. St. John’s that I know what he is
talking about, and can feel with him the difficulty of putting these things into
words? I could not have realized this a year ago, before I entered into certain
states of which I cannot gauge the value at all, while in normal consciousness.
There is no Doubt Then. But how may I be Sure always? I will fetch THE
Egutnox, and put down the points as they come to me. Let me quote Page 87.
“Well, one thing I got (again!) that is that when all is said and done I am that
I am, all these thoughts of mine, angels and devils both, are only fleeting moods
of me. The one true self of me is Adonai. Simple! Yet I cannot remain in
that simplicity.” I can realize that state perfectly, but I am not a Magician, I
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