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Page 1 of 61922 · PDF PAGE 47
Over the Top | 33 embarrassed. For the first time in my life I didn’t know how to behave. A thought popped into my mind: it was simply fatigue—I needn’t bother about that. As if in answer to my thought, Lou took a small cut-glass bottle with a gold-chased top from her pocket, unscrewed it and shook out some cocaine on the back of her hand. She flashed a provocative glance in my direction. The studio suddenly filled with the reverberation of her chant :— ‘“O Thou naked virgin of love, that art caught in a net of wild roses! I adore Thee, Evoe! I…
1922 · PDF PAGE 118
…he had touched with his penhad blossomed into immortality. And Lou and I were’ living in the land which his prophetic eyes had seen. © I thought of that incomparable idyll, I will not call it an island, to which he invites Emilia, in Epipsychidion. Lou and I, my love and I, my wife and I, we were not merely going there;- we had always been there and should always be. For the name of the island, the name of the house, the name of Shelley, and the name of Lou and me, they were all one name—Love. “ The wingéd words with which my song would pierce …
1922 · PDF PAGE 204
…urse, it wasn’t true. And yet, who can tell the real root of one’s motives? If he chose to insist that we were doing what the leaders of thought have always done, how could I contradict him ? A buoyant billow of bliss bounded in my brain. It might not be true; but, by God, we’d make it come true. I suppose a light leapt in my eyes, and enabled him to read my thought. Respice finem! Judge the end; The man, and not the child, my friend!” he quoted gaily. And then, to my absolute blank amazement, he took me back into the studio, got a bottle of he…
1922 · PDF PAGE 24
…t know at the first moment even that they were eyes. It’s a funny thing to say; but the first impression was that they were one of those thoughts that come to one from nowhere when one is flying at ten thousand feet or so. Awfully queer thing, I tell you—reminds one of the atmospherics that one gets in wireless; and they give one a horrible feeling. It is a sort of sinister warning that there is some person or some thing in the Universe outside oneself: and the realisation of that is as frankly frightening as the other realisation, that one is …
1922 · PDF PAGE 248
…he billiard-room. Perhaps there is some one waiting for me; some one to take me away to fulfil my destiny. I know now what it was that I thought was a shot, or a door closing. It was really both of these things in a mystical sense ; for I know now who the old man is, and that he is the father of the Messiah. ...
1922 · PDF PAGE 140
…ation against Feccles, as if it were his fault, and not my own, that I was in this mess. Strangely enough, you may think, I never gave a thought to Lou. It mattered nothing to me whether she were suffering or not. My own personal physio- logical sensations occupied the whole of my mind. I was taken before the Commissario as soon as he arrived. They seemed to recognise that the case was important. Lou was already in the office. The Commissario spoke no English, and no interpreter was immediately available. She looked absolutely wretched. There h…
1922 · PDF PAGE 185
… experience quite definite delight in this diary. King Lamus is always at the root of my brain. He is Jupiter and I have sprung from his thought ; Minerva, Goddess of Wisdom ! The most tremendous events of life are unworthy trifles. The sublimity of my conceptions sweeps onward from nowhere to nowhere. Behind my articulate anthem is a stainless silence. I am not writing for any reason, not even for myself to read; the action is automatic. I am the first-born child of King Lamus without a mother. I am the emanation of his essence. I lay all nigh…
1922 · PDF PAGE 35
…e edged with gold, the garment of an empress, or (shall I say ?) of a priestess. The whole place stopped still to look at her. And I had thought she was not beautiful! She did not walk upon the ground. “ Vera incessu patuit dea,’ as we used to say at school. And as she paced she chanted from that magnificent litany of Captain J.F. C. Fuller, “Oh Thou golden sheaf of desires, that art bound by a fair wisp of poppies! I adore thee, Evoe! I adore thee, 1 AO!” She sang full-throated, with a male quality in her voice. Her beauty was so radiant that …
1922 · PDF PAGE 86
92 The Diary of a Drug Fiend price is that we live by labour, and—‘‘ In his eyes foreknowledge of death. Feccles caught my thought. He quoted .with slow emphasis :— “ He weaves and is clothed with derision, Sows. and he shall not reap. His life is a watch or a vision, Between a sleep and a sleep.” The thought of the great Victorian seemed to chill him. He. threw off his depression, lighting a cigarette and taking a strong pull at his brandy. “‘ Haidée,”’ he said, with assumed lightness, ‘‘ lives in open sin with a person named Baruch de Espinos…
1922 · PDF PAGE 55
Phaeton AI We were picked up as a matter of course within a couple of minutes. They put back and towed the *plane ashore. My first thought was to get more gas and go on, despite the absurdity of our position. But the sym- pathy of the men on the beach was mixed with a good deal of hearty chaff. Dripping, in evening dress, at four o’clock in the morning! Like Hedda Gabler, “one doesn’t do these things.” But the cocaine helped me again. Why the devil should I care what anybody thought? | “Where can I get gas?” I said to the captain of the smack. …
1922 · PDF PAGE 300
…is voice, as if he were keeping hold on himself by some incredible effort of will.. I positively stammered. “Why, Mr. Platt,” I said, ‘I thought you were so anxious to stop the use of the drug altogether. I thought
1922 · PDF PAGE 359
The True Will 345 ‘“ Confound the fellow and his eternal metaphysics,” I thought. ‘‘I haven’t the least idea,’’ I answered sharply, ‘‘ and what’s more, I’ve no time to waste on this occult stuff of yours. Don’t think I’m rude. I’m very grateful for all you’ve done for me.” Strangely enough, the memory of the last few months had just returned to my mind. Yet it was merely the background of the burning flame of thought that filled my consciousness. Basil did not answer, and as we walked down the hill together I began to explain my ideas about the…
1922 · PDF PAGE 91
… self, but not to what you might call good form. I was perfectly able to do anything required, but the idea of doing it didn’t appeal. I thought a bath and a shower would put me right; and I certainly felt a very different man by the time I had got my clothes on. , When I came back into the sitting-room, I found Lou dancing daintily round the table. She went for me like a bull at a gate; swept me away to the couch and knelt at my side as I lay, while she overwhelmed me with passionate kisses. She divined that I was not in any condition to respo…
1922 · PDF PAGE 308
…enomous question. “‘T can’t understand it at all,’”’ she said slowly. ‘‘ She seemed very uneasy all the time she was in the bed- room. I thought she was missing her dope. If I had had any on me, I’d have given her a big jolt. Dummer Esel{ Tl never go out without it again so long as I live. I forget what excuse she made. I thought it was just camouflage to go and get her heroin.” Silence fell between us. Platt was afraid to say what he wanted tosay. I was honestly puzzled. The incident had destroyed the effect of the cocaine I had taken. (It’s e…
1922 · PDF PAGE 186
…ny positive expression of it was of necessity partial, incomplete, inadequate. The Stars are im- perfection of Night; but at least these thoughts are immeasurably faster and clearer than anything I have thought all my life. If I were ever to wake up—it seems impossible that I ever should—this entry will probably be quite un- intelligible to me. It is not written with the purpose of being intelligible or any other purpose. The idea of having a purpose at all is beneath contempt. It is the sort of thing a human being would have. How can a supreme…
1922 · PDF PAGE 84
…ead anything much unless I had to.” ““T went into it rather for a couple of years,” he returned, and then stopped short and flushed. The thought had apparently called up some very unpleasant memories. He tried to cover his corfusion by volubility, and began an elaborate exposition of the tenets of St. Teresa, Miguel de Molinos, and several others celebrated in that line. “The main point, you see,” he recapitulated finally, “is the theory that everything human in us is before all things an obstacle in the way of holiness. That is the secret of t…
1922 · PDF PAGE 54
…mind shot back with a vivid flash of hatred toward King Lamus. ‘A case of indiscretion!’’ He'd as good as called me a fool to my face. I thought of him as the sea, shaking with derisive laughter. All the time I had been chuckling over my dear old squad commander. Not a great flyer, am I? This will show him! And that was true enough. I was incomparably better than I had ever been before. And yet I had omitted just one obvious precaution. I suddenly realised that things might be exceedingly nasty. The only thing to be done was to shut off, and vo…
1922 · PDF PAGE 371
…ocaine, could match that moment. The words were old; but their meaning was marvellously new. There had never been any “1” before, when I thought “I” was I, there had never been any “ you ” before when I thought of Lou as an independent being, and had not realised that she was the necessary com- plement of the human instrument which was doing “my” work. Nor had there been any love before, while love meant nothing but the manifold stupid things that people ordinarily mean by it. Love, as I meant it now, was an affirmation of the inevitable unity …
1922 · PDF PAGE 269
…s we've faced the others.”’ The personality of the man radiated energy. The momentary contact with his mind had destroyed the current of thought which had been obsessing ours. Yet it was a fearful pang to be torn away from the fixed idea which had imposed itself as the necessary conclusion of a course of thought and action extending over so long a peri I can imagine a man reprieved at the foot of a scaffold experiencing an acute annoyance at being wrenched away from the logical outcome of his tendencies. “Cowards die many times before their dea…
1922 · PDF PAGE 28
… Parliament. People said that he lived on her earnings. There were even darker whispers. Two or three pretty wise birds had told me they thought it was she, and not poor little Mati Hara, who tipped off the Tanks to the Boche. Did I mention that my sculptor’s name was Owen ? Well, it was, is, and will be while the name of Art endures. He was supporting himself unsteadily with one hand on the table, while with the other he put his guests in their seats. I thought of a child playing with dolls. : , As the first four sat down, I saw two other girl…