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Page 1 of 51922 · PDF PAGE 201
The Grinding of the Brakes 187 Peter was asleep, but he turned like a startled snake just as I made for the door. ‘“‘ Where are you going, Lou? ” His voice was both piteous and harsh. I had not thought of inventing a pretext ; but a lie slipped ready- made from my tongue. ‘‘T am going to Basil, to see if he can’t give me something to help us out.” I knew he didn’t believe me, and I knew he didn’t care where I went or what I did. He was not shocked at my lying to him—the first time I had ever done so. I took a taxi round to the studio. My he was…
1922 · PDF PAGE 250
…ound me; In her poisonous milk she drowned me, Even now her arms surround me.” “Yes,” I said, “‘ but it’s your wife who loves you and is going to nurse you through this trouble, and we're going to live happy ever afterwards.” He smiled very faintly and sweetly and dozed off... . Wednesday I count the days now. We are having an Indian summer. Nature is lovely. I go out for little walks when Peter is asleep. Friday There have been no complications, or I should have had to get a doctorin at whatever risk. What troubles me is that as he gets strong…
1922 · PDF PAGE 33
…ch for some in- scrutable reason are still allowed to ply practically unchecked in the streets of London. While eating and breathing and going about are permitted, we shall never be a really righteous race!
1922 · PDF PAGE 114
…ft that morning suddenly. Yes, he had left his heavy baggage. He might be back at any moment. No, he had left no word as to where he was going. Well, of course, he would be back on Saturday morning to get the five thousand. It was obvious what I was to do. I would leave the money for him, and take the manager’s receipt, and tell him to send the papers on to the Caligula at Capri. I started to count out the cash. We were sitting in the lounge. A sense of absolute bewilderment and helplessness came over me. “TI say, Lou,’ I stammered, “I wish you…
1922 · PDF PAGE 100
…} Feccles started as if he had received a blow in the face. For a moment he was completely out of counten- ance. It seemed as if he were going to say several things, and decided not to. But his face was black as thunder. It was impossible to mistake the meaning of the situation. I turned to Lou with what I suppose was rather a nasty little Jaugh. “Our friend’s reputation,” I said, “ appears to have reached Mr. Feccles.”’ “Well,” said Feccles, recovering himself with a marked effort, ‘‘ I rather make a point of not saying anything against people…
1922 · PDF PAGE 138
… explain the affair in broken Italian. Lou did what was really a much more sensible thing by taking the affair as a stupendous joke, and going off into shrieks of hysterical laughter. But as for me, my blood was up. I wasn’t going to stand any nonsense from these damned Italians. Despite the Roman blood that is legitimately the supreme pride of our oldest families, we always some- how instinctively think of the Italian as a nigger. We don’t call them ‘‘ dagos’”’ and “wops,’’ as they do in the United States, with the invariable epithet of “ dirt…
1922 · PDF PAGE 153
…have fallen down even on that. But once again Lou pulled me through. We got into a veittura and took our tickets then and there. We were going back to London with our tails between our legs, but we were going back to London |!
1922 · PDF PAGE 72
…at excites one td take it greedily, and the dullness of the heroin which makes it seem a much more serious business? I felt as if I were going through some very important ceremony. When I had finished, Lou measured a dose for herself. She took it with a deep, grave interest. I was reminded of the manner of my old professor at U.C.H. when he came to inspect a new case; a case mysterious but evidently critical. The excitement of the cocaine had somehow solidified. Our minds had stopped still, and yet their arrest was as intense as their previous …
1922 · PDF PAGE 68
…call in the hospital a foreign body. Yes, there was no mistake. Gretel had got our psychology, we had got her psychology, everything was going as well as green peas go with a duck. Don’t imagine we had to spoil the kimono. It was just a tuck in the quilting. Out comes a dear little white silk bag; and we open that, and there’s a heap of snow that I’d much rather see than Mont Blanc. Well, you know, when you see it, you’ve got to sniff it. What’s it for? Nobody can answer that. Don’t tell me about ‘‘ use in operations on the throat.”” Lou didn’t…
1922 · PDF PAGE 131
…used himself hastily, because he had to go down to the Villa where his victim was staying, and fix a dictaphone in the room where he was going to have dinner. So I had Lou all to myself until he came with the disguises the next day in the afternoon. And I wasn’t going to waste a minute. - J admit I was pretty sick about the way the white cloud let me down. I’d have gone after the silly old sun myself if: I hadn’t been a married man. - However, there we were alone, alone for ever, Lou and I in Capri, it was all much too good to be true! Sunlight…
1922 · PDF PAGE 67
… Victorian sense of the word you can imagine. She was not only a true friend, but a wise friend. She had evidently foreseen that we were going to run short of good old snow. Now I want all you fellows to take it as read that a man, if he calls himself a man, isn’t the kind of man that wants to stop a honeymoon with a girl in a Japanese kimono of the variety described, to have to put on a lot of beastly clothes and hunt all around Paris for a dope peddler. Of course, you'll say at once that I could have rung for the waiter and have him bring me …
1922 · PDF PAGE 336
…,”’ said Athena very seriously. ‘ This is all kinds of a place for driving a fellow to drink. And that’s why the Big Lion insists on our going through the mill. But it takes us a very short time to realise that there is not enough heroin in the world to tide us over a single day in such a ghastly place, so we quit.” Here was another of Basil’s paradoxes in full working order. But they came quite differently from the lips of a steady-going serious-minded person of this kind. The personality of the Big Lion is his greatest asset in one way, but i…
1922 · PDF PAGE 218
…pasmodically on the little amber- tinted bottle of poison. I wanted to get away from every one and everything. I didn’t know where I was going. I hated Peter from the depths of my soul. I would have given anything in the world—except the heroin—to be able never to see him again. But he had the money, why shouldn’t we enjoy our abject ruin as we had enjoyed our romance? Why not wallow in the moist, warm mire?
1922 · PDF PAGE 76
…desire. The sensation was of infinite power which could afford infinite deliberation. Will itself seemed to have been abolished. We were going nowhere in particular, simply because it was our nature so to do. Our beatitude became more absolute every moment. With cocaine, one is indeed master of everything; but everything matters intensely. With heroin, the feeling of mastery increases to such a point that nothing matters at all. There is not even the disinclination to do what one happens to be doing which keeps the opium smoker inactive. The bo…
1922 · PDF PAGE 115
…and dug her nails into my ribs. “Chuck it, Cockie,” she said, ‘‘ we’re well out of a mess. I always had my doubts about Feccles, and his going off like this looks to me as if there were something very funny about it.” My dream of a quarter of a million disappeared without a moment’s regret. I had been prudent after all. I had invested my cash in something tangible. Feccles was an obvious crook. If I had handed him that five thousand, I should never have heard of him or of it again. ' I began to recover my spirits. “Look here,” said Lou, “ let’s…
1922 · PDF PAGE 77
… when I was in the lower school. In my third term he had become head prefect ; he had won a scholarship at Oxford—one of the best things going. Then, without a moment’s warning, he had 63
1922 · PDF PAGE 157
… a week and get our physical strength back and start fresh. I may as well telephone Gretel and arrange for a really big supply. If we're going to live at Barley Grange, we'll have to be cocaine hogs and lay in a big stock. There wouldn’t be any chance of getting it down there ; and besides one must take precautions. . . . Bother August! Of course Gretel’s out of town—in Switzerland, the butler said. They don’t know when she’ll be back. I wonder when Parliament meets. . . . 143
1922 · PDF PAGE 118
… I will not call it an island, to which he invites Emilia, in Epipsychidion. Lou and I, my love and I, my wife and I, we were not merely going there;- we had always been there and should always be. For the name of the island, the name of the house, the name of Shelley, and the name of Lou and me, they were all one name—Love. “ The wingéd words with which my song would pierce Into the heights of love’s rare universe _ Are chains of lead about its flight of fire, I pant, I sink, I tremble, I expire. ” I noticed, in fact, that our physical selves …
1922 · PDF PAGE 51
… Some force in myself, of which I was not aware, had turned my face towards Kent. I was interpreting myself to myself. I knew what I was going to do. We were bound for Barley Grange; and then, oh, the wild moonlight ride to Paris! The idea had been determined in me without any intervention of my own. It had been, in a way, the solution of an equation of which the terms were: firstly, a sort of mad identification of Lou with all one’s romantic ideas of moonlight ; then my physical habit as a flying man ; and thirdly, the traditional connection o…
1922 · PDF PAGE 60
…n more senses than one. I had taken a thousand pounds in cash from London, thinking as I did so how jolly it was to be reckless. We were going to have a good time, and damn the expense! I thought of a thousand pounds as enough to paint Paris every colour of the spectrum for a quite in- definitely long period; but at the end of the week the thousand pounds was gone, and so was another thousand pounds for which I had cabled to London; and we had absolutely nothing to show for it except a couple of dresses for Lou, and a few not very expensive pie…