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1922 · PDF PAGE 317

Diary of a Drug Fiend

Out of Harm's Way 303 Pll cure you, and I’ll take you away with me. But will you let me make one condition? ” She lifted her face to his. In spite of the physical wreckage of the last few months, love was able to transform her bodily. She was radiantly beautiful. She only waited for him to take her in his arms. She was trembling all over with ecstatic passion. I gripped the arms of my chair in futile rage. Before my very face the only woman I had ever loved had disowned me, cast me off with contempt, and was offering herself to another man with…

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1922 · PDF PAGE 338

Diary of a Drug Fiend

…d a twist at the corners in which lurked incalculable possibilities of self-expression. Her eyes were deep-set and calm. It was a square face with a very peculiar jaw expressing terrific determination. I have never seen a face in which courage was so strongly marked. * Yes, I think I see it now. He forces one to come to what I might call the point of death. The whole of life is reviewed in perspective, and its meaning seized. But instead of being snatched away to face the unknown, as in the case of death, one has the opportunity and the necessi…

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1922 · PDF PAGE 206

Diary of a Drug Fiend

…rious. He must have been drinking like a madman. He was trembling with rage. He came straight up to me, and hit me de- liberately in the face. “ That'll teach you,’ he shouted, and called me a foul name. : I couldn’t answer. I was too hurt, not by the blow, but by the surprise. I had pictured it so differently. He staggered back into the middle of the room and pointed to the blood that was running down my face. The edge of his ring had cut the corner of my eye. The sight sent him into fits of hysterical laughter. The only feeling in my mind was…

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1922 · PDF PAGE 316

Diary of a Drug Fiend

…omise without breaking your faith.” She got up from the sofa and went across to his chair. She threw herself at his feet, and buried her face in his knees; while her long arms reached up and groped for his face to stroke it. He patted her head affectionately. “ Yes,”’ he said, ‘‘ we’re free, and I'll keep my promise.

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1922 · PDF PAGE 136

Diary of a Drug Fiend

122 The Diary of a Drug Fiend through the jungle of life like a splash of sulphuric acid flung in a woman’s face. ’ There was no clock in the den, and of course we had left our watches at home. We got a little impatient. We couldn’t remember whether Feccles had or had not told us how long he was likely to be. The air of the room was stifling. The lowest vagabonds of Naples crowded the place. Some were jabbering like apes; some singing drunkenly to themselves ; some shame- lessly caressing ; some sunk in bestial stupor. Among the last was a burl…

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1922 · PDF PAGE 100

Diary of a Drug Fiend

…eve in the Occult.” “Oh, yes,” cried Lou, “then, of course, you know King Lamus.”’ } Feccles started as if he had received a blow in the face. For a moment he was completely out of counten- ance. It seemed as if he were going to say several things, and decided not to. But his face was black as thunder. It was impossible to mistake the meaning of the situation. I turned to Lou with what I suppose was rather a nasty little Jaugh. “Our friend’s reputation,” I said, “ appears to have reached Mr. Feccles.”’ “Well,” said Feccles, recovering himself w…

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1922 · PDF PAGE 25

Diary of a Drug Fiend

fA Knight Out II absurd and ridiculous joke—that these two eyes belonged to a girl’s face. Across the moaning body of the blackmaier, I was looking at the face of a girl that I had never seen before. And I said to myself, “‘ Well, that’s all right, I’ve known you all my life.” And when I said to myself “my life,” I didn’t in the least mean my life as Peter Pendragon, I didn’t even mean a life extending through the centuries, I meant a different kind of life—some- thing with which centuries have nothing whatever to do. And then Peter Pendragon c…

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1922 · PDF PAGE 309

Diary of a Drug Fiend

…he is,” cried Gretel gaily. ‘‘ What babies we have been!” The door opened; but it was not Lou who came in. It was Maisie Jacobs, and her face was stern and set. She gave two quick formal bows to the others, took my hand, and said in a deep, tense voice :-— “You must come with me at once, Sir Peter. Lady Pendragon needs you.” I went white. Once again I had been brought back from a complex chaos of conflicting emotions to the bed-rock truth which had been buried so elaborately and so often. The deepest thing in myself was my love for my wife. I r…

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1922 · PDF PAGE 215

Diary of a Drug Fiend

Below the Brutes QOL name. The sight of it drove me almost insane with desire. Within a yard of my face was the symbol of victory. Cockie, Basil, the law, my own physical pangs :— they were allin my power from the moment my fingers closed over the bottle. I put out my hand; but the heroin had disappeared in the manner of a conjuring trick. McCall leant his weight on the back of my chair afd tilted it slightly. His ugly shrewd false face was within a foot of mine. “Will you really let me have that?” I faltered. “ Sir Peter’s very rich. We can af…

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1922 · PDF PAGE 273

Diary of a Drug Fiend

…the anzsthesia of death. The pain of life had been too much to endure, and the influence of King Lamus had been to brace me to meet life face to face, whatever it might have in store, and conquer it. I did not fear death any more than I had done in the old days, flying over the lines. I didn’t mind dying at all; but I wanted to die fighting. Lou was talking quite briskly to King Lamus on the steps of the restaurant while the commissionaire called a taxi. And I realised too that I loved her, that she was worth fighting to recover, that I had bee…

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1922 · PDF PAGE 269

Diary of a Drug Fiend

…impotent to struggle. No, we must conquer life by living it to the full, and then we can go to meet death with a certain prestige. e can face that adventure as we've faced the others.”’ The personality of the man radiated energy. The momentary contact with his mind had destroyed the current of thought which had been obsessing ours. Yet it was a fearful pang to be torn away from the fixed idea which had imposed itself as the necessary conclusion of a course of thought and action extending over so long a peri I can imagine a man reprieved at the …

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1922 · PDF PAGE 357

Diary of a Drug Fiend

…from the abodes of morning!” One of the party made a very singular impression on me. There was something indefinably Mongolian about her face. The planes were flat ; the cheek-bones high ; the eyes oblique; the nose wide, short, and vital; the mouth a long, thin, rippling curve like a mad sunset. The eyes were tiny and green with a piquant elfin expression. Her hair was curiously colourless; it was very abundant; she had wound great ropes about her head. It reminded me of the armature of a dynamo. It produced a weird effect—this mingling of the…

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1922 · PDF PAGE 39

Diary of a Drug Fiend

…Evoe! I adore Thee, I A O!” I tingled and shivered as she sang; and then some- thing, I hardly know what, made me turn and look into the face of Gretel Webster. She was sitting at my right; her left hand was beneath the table, and she was looking at if. I followed her glance. In the little quadrilateral of the veins whose lower apex is between the first and middle fingers, was a tiny heap of sparkling dust. Nothing I had ever seen before had so attracted me. The sheer bright infinite beauty of the stuff! I had seen it before of course, often en…

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1922 · PDF PAGE 81

Diary of a Drug Fiend

…’t trouble to call the waiter, but I think I must have said the word “ water,”’ for Haidée filled my goblet. A smile wriggled across her face. It was the first sign of life she had given. Even the shaking hands had been in the nature of a mechanical reflex rather than of a voluntary action. There was something sinister and disquieting in her gesture. It was as if she had the after-taste in her mouth of some abominable bitterness. I looked across at Lou. I saw she had changed colour. She looked dreadfully ill. It mattered nothing to me. I had a …

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1922 · PDF PAGE 209

Diary of a Drug Fiend

…I hardly know how to write it down. The shame and the disappointment are blasting. I feel that the doors of hope have been slammed in my face. I can imagine the grinding of the key as it turns in the lock, the screech of the rusty bolt as it is driven home. The moment Basil appeared, Peter’s insanity blazed up. He poured out a stream of insults, and accused Basil to his face of trying to get me away. If Basil had only known how eagerly I would have gone! A man in sexual mania is not fit to consort with human beings. I never realised before why …

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1922 · PDF PAGE 277

Diary of a Drug Fiend

…in to buck me up. I must have gone off into a sort of swoon; for I don’t know how it happened, but the fresh, cold air was blowing on my face. Our things had been packed as if by magic, and had been taken out to the motor. The bill had been paid. As I set foot in the car, I heard the landlady asking what she should do if the lady and gentleman came back. I gave the address of my new rooms. As I stumbled into the seat the clear incisive tones of Lala rang across. , “ You'd better tell them that Sir Peter’s far from well. He will probably not be …

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1922 · PDF PAGE 115

Diary of a Drug Fiend

The Wings of the Oof-Bird IoI I suppose my face must have fallen; a regular nose dive. Lou put her arm around my waist and dug her nails into my ribs. “Chuck it, Cockie,” she said, ‘‘ we’re well out of a mess. I always had my doubts about Feccles, and his going off like this looks to me as if there were something very funny about it.” My dream of a quarter of a million disappeared without a moment’s regret. I had been prudent after all. I had invested my cash in something tangible. Feccles was an obvious crook. If I had handed him that five tho…

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1922 · PDF PAGE 242

Diary of a Drug Fiend

228 The Diary of a Drug Fiend - It.is like vitriol being thrownin one’s face. We have no expression of our own. We cannot ‘think. The need is filled by these words... . The impact of light itself is a bodily pain. “When the sun is a living devil Vomiting vats of evil, And the moon and the night but mock The wretch on his barren rock, And the dome of heaven high-arched Like his mouth is arid and parched, And the caves of his heart high-spanned Are choked with alkali sand!” We are living on water. It seems for the moment to quench the thirst, at …

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1922 · PDF PAGE 194

Diary of a Drug Fiend

180 The Diary of a Drug Fiend Lies, in the brain benumbed, At the end of time and space, An abyss, unmeasured, unplumbed— The haunt of a face!” September 12 Peter came in just as I had finished writing this account. He seemed much more cheerful, and his arms were full of books. “ There,” he said, throwing them on the bed, “ that will refresh my memory, in case we have any trouble in stopping. I'll show Mr. King Lamus what it means to be a Pendragon.” I told him about Mabel. And now a strange thing happened. Instead of being depressed, we felt a…

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1922 · PDF PAGE 77

Diary of a Drug Fiend

…urbance ; and here was a sudden, violent, unpleasant disturbance; and it did not disturb me. There was a somewhat tentative smile on the face of the man who had spoken. I recognised him instantly, though I had not seen him since we were at school together. The man’s name was Elgin Feccles. He had been in the mathematical sixth when I was in the lower school. In my third term he had become head prefect ; he had won a scholarship at Oxford—one of the best things going. Then, without a moment’s warning, he had 63

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