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Page 1 of 11910 · PDF PAGE 195
MR TODD 185 EUPHEMIA. Oh, you laugh even at me ! CARR. Because I love you. So I laugh at humanity : if I took men seriously I should have to cut my throat. EUPHEMIA. So you dont take me seriously either ? CARR. If I did, I should have to cut EUPHEMIA. What ? CARR. My lucky ! EUPHEMIA. What a dreadful expression ! Where do you learn such things ? CARR. I notice you dont have to ask what it means. EUPHEMIA. Stop teasing, darling ! CARR. Im not teething ! Thats what I complain of ; you always treat me as a baby ! EUPHEMIA. Come to his mummy,…
1910 · PDF PAGE 199
…DD 189 DELHOMME. Of youof thee. How difficult is the English language to express subtle differences ! You must have seen, Miss Ossory EUPHEMIA. [dully]. I have seen nothing. DELHOMME. May I speak ? EUPHEMIA. What is this ? Oh ! DELHOMME. I need not tell you, I see. My unspoken sympathy and devotion EUPHEMIA. Spare me, I pray you. DELHOMME. I must speak. Mademoiselle, I am blessed in loving you. I offer you the sympathy and devotion of a lifetime. EUPHEMIA. I beg you to spare me. It is impossible. DELHOMME. It is the truthit is necessaryI…
1910 · PDF PAGE 196
186 MR TODD CARR. Shall I remind you EUPHEMIA. Must I remind you ? CARR. No ; my memory is excellent. EUPHEMIA. Of what you swore ? CARR. I swore at the granite for not being moss. EUPHEMIA. You swore to love me always. CARR. The champagne at the Mena House is not cham- pagne ; it isthe cork of it is labelled Good intentions. EUPHEMIA. Then you didnt mean it ? CARR. [kissing her]. Am I, or am I nota plain ques- tion as between man and manloving you now ? EUPHEMIA. Oh, I know ! But I am so worried that everything most sure seems all sha…
1910 · PDF PAGE 198
188 MR TODD THOMAS. Mr. Delhomme would like to see you for a moment on urgent business. [The lovers exchange signals privately. EUPHEMIA. Show him up. THOMAS. Yes, miss. [THOMAS goes out. CARR. I will go and get a snack. Trust melove me EUPHEMIA. I willI do. [They embrace. CARR goes to the doorturns. CARR. Love metrust me. [EUPHEMIA flies to him, kisses him again, nods. EUPHEMIA. I willI doI love youI trust you. CARR. Sweetheart ! [they kiss, furtively, as if hearing footsteps.] So long ! [She retreats into the room, and blows him a …
1910 · PDF PAGE 202
…I want to say a word, girlie, about young Del- homme. Erwell, we all grow older, you knowone dayerah ! Nice young fellow, Delhomme ! EUPHEMIA. I refused him twenty minutes ago, father. OSSORY. What ? How the deuce did you know what I was going to say ? Bless me, I believe there may be some- thing in this psychic business after all ! EUPHEMIA. Yes, father, I feel I have strange powers ! OSSORY. But look here, girlie, why did you refuse him ? Reculer pour mieux sauter is all very well, dont you know, but he gives twice who gives quickly. EUP…
1910 · PDF PAGE 194
…or Uncle Henry ? About two and a half ! The only thing you know about poor Uncle Henry is that poor Uncle Henry once tickled your toes. [EUPHEMIA gives a little scream of horror.] Enough humbug about poor Uncle Henry ! . . . Sweetheart ! EUPHEMIA. Mine own ! [They embrace and kiss with great intensity. EUPHEMIA. Unhand me, villain ! . . . But one has to be decent about ones relations. Even the humbug of it is rather fun. CARR. There speaks the daughter of Shakespeares country. I am sure the Bacon imbroglio was a con- summate practical joke on…
1910 · PDF PAGE 203
MR TODD 193 EUPHEMIA. Is it a dog ? [Whistles.] Here, Fido, Fido ! Trust, doggie, trust ! OSSORY. thats it ! they wont trust, those dogs ! To put it short[a spasm of agony crosses his face]Good Lord alive, Im short ! If I cant find a couple of hundred thousand before the twelfth Ill be hammered. EUPHEMIA. And so? OSSORY. Very decent young fellow, little Delhomme. I can borrow half a million from him if I want it ; but I dont care to unlessunless thingsunless you EUPHEMIA. Im the goods, am I ? You old bear ! OSSORY. I know, Phemie…
1910 · PDF PAGE 188
178 MR TODD CARR [solemnly]. Truly, my dear sir, in the midst of life we are in death. [EUPHEMIA looks up and darts a furious glance at him for she knows that he is mocking British solemnity and cant. DELHOMME. Crushedcrushed in a moment MRS. OSSORY [very piously]. Without a warning. Ah well, we must hope that [Her voice becomes a mumble. DELHOMME. I will bid you good morning ; I am sure you will not wish strangers to intrude upon your grief. If there is anything that I can do MRS. OSSORY [ conventionally ]. Pray do not leave us yet, Mo…
1910 · PDF PAGE 192
182 MR TODD CARR. Oh, Todds a good sort ! I think I must be going, sir. EUPHEMIA. I wish you would stay and help me with the letters, Mr. Carr. We shall have a great deal to do in the next day or two. CARR. Well, if you really wish it, I will try and be of what service I can. [CARR, with his back to audience, laughs with his hands, behind it. MRS. OSSORY. That is indeed kind of you, Professor ! [CARRS hand-laugh grows riotous. GRANDFATHER. Where is Nurse ? I want my whisky and milk. MRS. OSSORY. [Rings.] I shall go down to lunch, Alfred. Lunc…
1910 · PDF PAGE 200
190 MR TODD EUPHEMIA. Oh, sir, you distress meindeed you distress me ! DELHOMME. I would not brush the bloom from off the lilyand yet EUPHEMIA. My god !Monsieur Delhomme, I am going to shock you. Oh ! Oh ! [She buries her face in her hands. He starts back, surprised at the turn things are taking, and at the violence of her emotion and of its expression. DELHOMME. What is it ! Are you ill ! Have I EUPHEMIA. [Steady and straight before him.] I am another manshishis mistress. There ! [He reels, catches a chair and saves himself. Her breas…
1910 · PDF PAGE 193
…y too glad. You should try and get a nap after lunch. MRS. OSSORY. I willI really think I will. [Exit. CARR. [Closes the door, turns to EUPHEMIA, executes a quiet hornpipe, goes to EUPHEMIA, holds out his arms.] Sweetheart ! EUPHEMIA. How dare you ! How can you ! With poor Uncle Henry lying dead ! CARR. Why have a long Latin name if you mean to play
1910 · PDF PAGE 206
…ut with CHARLEY. MRS. OSSORY. I do hope he meant it. But hes such a terrible man for pulling legs, as they call it.I cant think where Euphemia picks up all her slang !If that plain, quiet man should really be a crowned King ! Oh ! how I would frown at her ! Ah ! ah ! Somebody coming. [Enter THOMAS. THOMAS. Mr. Todd. [Enter TODD. MRS. OSSORY. Oh, my dear Mr. Todd, I am so glad to see you ! Im in such distress ! You will help me, wont you ? [TODD bows, smiles, and whispers in her ear. She smiles all over. TODD offers his arm. She goes out o…
1910 · PDF PAGE 197
MR TODD 187 a gentleman named Shaw that marriage is only a joke no, not Shaw ! Vaughan, or Gorell Barnes, or some name like that ! EUPHEMIA. But you will, wont you ? CARR. No, I wont, will I ? [Sings.] I have a wife and bairnies three, And Im no sure how yed agree, lassie ! EUPHEMIA. What ? [She releases herself. CARR. Well, the wifes dead, as a matter of fact. Her name was Hope-of-ever-doing-something-in-the-Wide- Wide. But the bairns are alive : young Chemistry, already apt at reparteeI should say retort ; little Biology, whos rat…
1910 · PDF PAGE 191
…] CARR. [sharply, as if pained]. Oh, oh ! Dont suggest such a thing without the very best reason. It would be too terrible ! [This time EUPHEMIA laughs. OSSORY. My dear boy, I deliberately say it. I have the very best of reasons for supposing him to be very deeply dipped. Very deeply dipped. CARR. [Hides his head in his hands and groans, pretend- ing to be overwhelmed by the tragedy. Looks up.] Well, I was told he other day that he held a lot of land in London, and has more tenants than the Duke of Westminster ! OSSORY. Well, well hope it is …
1910 · PDF PAGE 187
…7 ACT I GRANDFATHER sunk in melancholy in his arm-chair ; MRS. OSSORY red and weeping ; OSSORY (a British heavy father) grief-stricken ; EUPHEMIA sobbing at the table ; CARR and DELHOMME cold and hot respectively in their expression of sympathy. MR. TODD is at the door, his cloak on, his hat in his hand. OSSORY. It is kind of you to have so come far to break the sad news, my dear sir. I hope that we shall see you again soon underunderunder happier circumstances. [TODD bows very low to the company as if deeply sympathising ; but turning his fa…
1910 · PDF PAGE 185
175 PERSONS OF THE PLAY GRANDFATHER OSSORY (eighty-one) ALFRED OSSORY (fifty), his son, a shipowner EMILY OSSORY (forty-five), his wife EUPHEMIA OSSORY (eighteen), his daughter CHARLEY OSSORY (ten), his son GEORGE DELHOMME (twenty-four), of the ministry of Foreign Affairs DIONYSUS CARR (thirty-four), Professor of Experimental Eugenics in the University of Tübingen ; and MR. TODD THOMAS, a footman A HOSPITAL NURSE
1910 · PDF PAGE 207
…hing more, anything better ? I cannot believe it. Is there anything, anybody that could make me happier ? THOMAS. Mr. Todd. [Enter TODD. EUPHEMIA. Good afternoon, Mr. Todd ! So glad to see you ! Why, how strange you look ! What have you to say to me ? [TODD whispers in her ear. EUPHEMIA. How splendid ! You mean it ? It is true ? Better than all the rest ! Come, come ! [She throws her arm round his neck and runs laugh- ing out of the room with him. [Enter CARR and CHARLEY, a toy steam-engine puff- ing in front of them ; they follow on hands and …
1910 · PDF PAGE 7
…ah Moore 57 ATHOR AND ASAR. To Frank Harris 60 AFTER JUDGMENT. To Ophelia L 61 THE FIVE ADORATIONS. To Gerald Pinsent 64 TELEPATHY. To Euphemia L 65 THE SWIMMER. To Norman Mudd 72 THE MUSE. To Kathleen 73 THE GOD AND THE GIRL. To Dorothy L 75 ROSEMARY. To the memory of Hippolytus 79 AU BAL. To Horace Sheridan-Bickers 82 DISAPPOINTMENT. To Sadie B 83 THE OCTOPUS. To my Mother 85 THE EYES OF DOROTHY. To Dot 86
1910 · PDF PAGE 190
…asonable ; its an instinct, and intuition. You know Saga of Bond Street said how psychic I was ! [During the next few speeches CARR and EUPHEMIA correspond by signs and winks. GRANDFATHER. When I was in Australia forty-four years ago there was a very good fellow of the name of Brown in Ballarat. Brown of Buninyong we used to call him. I remember MRS. OSSORY. [bursting into tears]. How can you, grandpa ? Cant you realise that poor Henry is dead ? GRANDFATHER. Henry dead ? MRS. OSSORY. Didnt you hear ? He was run over by Mr. Todds motor-car…
1910 · PDF PAGE 201
…would relieve me at once. Very good ! Very good ! [TODD wheels him out of the room, the old man laughing and chuckling. Enter OSSORY and EUPHEMIA, talking.