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Page 1 of 11909 · PDF PAGE 28
12.45 1.30 1.35. 1.55. 2.15. THE EQUINOX . for what could be done normally in 3) demands the whole attention. . Drifted into a nap. Welll we shall try what Brother Body really wants. My attempt to go to sleep has made me supernaturally wakeful. I am—as often before—in the state described by Paul (not my masseur; the other Paul I) in his Epistle to the Romans, cap. vii. v. 19. I shall arise and go forth. I have a good mind to try violent excitement of the Muladhara Cakkram ; for the whole Sushumna seems dead. This at the risk of being labelled a…
1909 · PDF PAGE 94
12.15. 12.58. 1.15. 2.30. 3.0. 4.15. 92 THE EQUINOX that before I reach those gates the whole sky may be one black flame 01 thundercloud, and the violet swords of the lightning may split asunder its heavy womb, and the rain, laughing like a young child, may dance upon the desert! The Light beginneth to dawn upon the Path, so that I see a little better where I stand. This whole journey seems under some other formula than IAO—perhaps a Pentagram formula with which I am not clearly acquainted. If I knew the Word of the Grade, I could foretell thing…
1909 · PDF PAGE 12
…ing the equilibration of and the slaying of the body, while loosing the blood, the first projection in matter of the universal Fluid. The whole formulating the Ankh—the Key of Life! Igave moreover the signs ofthe grades from 0° =o°to7": 4°. Then did I take upon myself the Great Obligation as follows : I. I, O.M. &c., a member of the Body of God, hereby bind myself on behalf of the whole Universe, even as we are now physically bound unto the cross of suffering: II. that I will lead a pure life, as a devoted servant of the Order: III. that I will …
1909 · PDF PAGE 15
…ade me sweat again thoroughly. Stopped not from fatigue but from lunch. [Odd memoranda during lunch. Insist on pupils writing down their whole day; the play as well as the work. “By this means they will become ashamed, and prate no longer of ‘beasts.’ "] Ι am now well away on the ascetic current, devising all sorts of privations and thoroughly enjoying the idea. Having finished a most enjoyable lunch, will drink coffee and smoke, and try and get a little sleep. Thus to break up sleep into two shifts. A nice sleep. Woke refreshed. Am arrived home…
1909 · PDF PAGE 71
…ing drunk a citron presse and watched the poker game at the Dome for a little, I now return home. I thought to myself, “Let me chuck the whole thing overboard and be sensible, and get a good night’s rest"—and perceived that it would be impossible. I am so far into this Operation that pausing to cast one last glance back O’er the safe road—’twas gone !
1909 · PDF PAGE 122
…ge, and in view of the Self- Contradictory Nature of the Reasoning Faculty, as applied to Metaphysics—that it would be wiser to drop the whole question, and concentrate on a simple Magical Progress. The Next Step for humanity in general was then “ the Knowledge and Conversation of the Holy Guardian Angel.” One thing at a time. But here he finds himself discussing and disputing with himself the nature of that Knowledge. Better far act as hitherto, and aspire simply and directly, as one person'to another, careless of the critical objec- tions (qui…
1909 · PDF PAGE 45
… here complain of serious trouble with fountain pens, and the waste of priceless time fixing them up. They have been wrong throughout the whole operation, a thing that has not happened to me for near eight years. I hope I’ve got a good one at last—yes, thank God ! this one writes decently.) 43
1909 · PDF PAGE 91
…ond Week, begins. I am in Asana. For some reason or other, Pranayarna is quite easy. Concentrating on Adonai, Iwas in Kam- bhakham for a whole minute without distress. It is true, by the way. I was—and am—in some danger of looking on this Record as a Book; i.e., of emphasising things for their literary effect, and diminishing the importance of others which lend them- selves less obviously. But the answer to this, friend Satan] is that the Canon of Art is Truth, and the Canon of Magic is Truth; my true record will make a good book, and my true b…
1909 · PDF PAGE 118
…re. Or, one might go over to the Hammam, and have a long bath and sleep—but who can tell whether it would refresh, or merely destroy the whole edifice built up so laboriously in these ten days? At Pantheon. ἑdozen Marennes, Rognons Brochette, Lait chaud.
1909 · PDF PAGE 107
… the boiler bursts. Perhaps early dinner, with Ritual, may induce that Enthusiastic Energy of which the Gnostics write. This morning the whole Sankhara-dhatu (the tendency of the being John St. John) was operating aright. Now by no effort of will can he flog his tired cattle along the trail. So poor a thing is he that he will even seek an Oracle from the book of Zoroaster. Done. Zoroaster respectfully wishes to point out that " The most mystic of discourses informs us—His wholeness is in the Supra—Mundane Order ; for there a Solar World and Boun…
1909 · PDF PAGE 64
…llers who have been with me admit to be quite exceptional. If I leave my tent or hut by a door facing, say, South- West, throughout that whole day, over all kinds of ground, through any imaginable jungle, in all kinds
1909 · PDF PAGE 63
…nd love are potent enough to drive a man to death or marriage; while reverie may end in anti-vivisectionism or nut— food-madness. On the whole, I prefer to explain the many terrible catastrophes I have seen caused by magic misunder— stood by supposing that in magic one is working with some very subtle and essential function of the brain, whose disease may mean for one man paralysis, for another mania, for a third melancholia, for a fourth death. It is not äþriarz' absurd to suggest that there may be some one particular thought that would cause …
1909 · PDF PAGE 87
…l Siva was united with Sakti in the Sahasrara-Cakkram, I tried—God knows why; I'm stupider than an ass or H . . . C . . . .—-to work the whole operation in Muladhara—with the obvious result. There are only two more idiocies to perform—one, to take a big dose of Hashish and record the ravings as if they were Samadhi; and two, to go to Church. Ι may as well give up. 85
1909 · PDF PAGE 136
…me, and many other inexpressible things were known of me. Also I was given to enjoy the subtle Presence of my Lord interiorly during the whole of this twelfth day. Then Ι besought the Lord that He would take me into His presence eternally even now. But He withdrew Himself, for that I must do that which I was sent hither to do; namely, to rule the earth. Therefore with sweetness ineffable He parted from me ; yet leaving acomfort not to be told, aPeace . . . the Peace. And the Light and the Perfume do certainly yet remain with me in the little Ch…
1909 · PDF PAGE 82
…of the tube is attained, the fluid goes on softly and silently of its own act. Gravitation which was against us is now for us. So now the whole destiny of the Universe is by me overcome; I am impelled, with ever-gathering and irresistible force, toward Adonai.
1909 · PDF PAGE 29
…case if one vibrates a mantra or Magical Name in a nerve-centre. At present I cannot do this at all. The Prana seems equilibrated in the whole organism: I am very peaceful—just as a corpse is. It is terribly annoying, in 3 sense, because this con- ditionis just the opposite of Dharana; yet one knows that it is a stage on the way to Samadhi. So I rise and give confidently the Sign of Apophis and Typhon, and will then regard the reflection of the sweet October Sun in the kissing waters of the fountain. (RS.—I now remember that I forgot to rise and …
1909 · PDF PAGE 40
…e of Israfel—the Hegemon that chants a solemn hymn of praise to that glory which is at the Apex, and who invisibly rules and governs the whole Pyramid. Now then that darkling Wight is lifted by the officers and brought to the altar in the centre; and there the Hiereus accuses him of the two and twenty Basenesses, while the Hegemon lifting up his chained arms cries again and again against his enemy that he is under the Shadow of the Eternal Wings of the Holy One. Yet at the end, at the supreme accusation, the Hiereus smites him into death. The sa…
1909 · PDF PAGE 86
… again . . .“ Then I said: “No; to do so is not pure ‘waiting.’ ” And then—as by a flash of lightning—the Abyss of the Pit opened, and my whole position was turned. I saw my life from the dawn of consciousness till now as a gigantic “ pose ” ; my very love of truth assumed for the benefit of my biographer I All these strange things suffered and enjoyed for no better purpose than to seem a great man. One cannot express the horror of this thought; it is The thought that murders the soul—and there is no answer to it. So universal is it that it is im…
1909 · PDF PAGE 85
…ancery Lane. But now one is deliberately opening all the avenues of sense to admit Adonail One has destroyed one’s own Magic Circle. The whole of that great Building is thrown down. . . Therefore I am in a worse hole than] ever was before— and I‘ve onlyjust realised it. A footfallon the pavement is most acute agony—because it is not Adonai. My hearing, normally rather dull, is intensely sharpened; and I am thirty yards from the electric trams of the Boulevard Montparnasse at the busiest hour of the evening. . . . 83
1909 · PDF PAGE 97
…and frowning, overcame me. And so for the sublime Path of Mem ; instead of that symbol of the Adept, his foot set firmly upon heaven, his whole figure showing forth the Reconciler with the Invisible, I found but the stagnant and bitter water of selfishness, the Dead Sea of the Soul. For all is Illusion. Who saith “ Ι " denieth Adonai, save only if he mean Adonai. And Daleth the Door of the Pylon, is that Tree where- on the Adept of Man hangeth; and Daleth is Love Supernal, that if it be inserted in the word ANI, “ I,” giveth ADNI, Adonai. Subtle a…