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Page 1 of 11909 · PDF PAGE 67
…n to copy. Have completed my two prescribed pages of illumina— tion. Will g0 and break my fast and do my business. After writing letters went out and had coffee and two brioches. At Louvre looking up some odd points in the lore 01 Khemi [Egypt—En] for my Ritual. I cannot understand it; but I feel faint for lack of food ; I must get back to strict Hatha—Yoga feeding. Half-dozen oysters and an entrecöte aux pommes. Back to work. I am in a very low physical condition ; quite equilibrated, but exhausted. I can hardly walk upright! Lord Adonai, how …
1909 · PDF PAGE 96
…—The tone of this entry wrongs me. I sat patiently and reverently, like a Mela with his gum, hoping to hear the Word I needed.) Thence I went my long and lonely walk to my Secret Restaurant, learning the Ritual as I went. Arrived at the Secret Restaurant. Ordered 6 oysters, Rable de Lievre poivrade puree de marrons, and Glace “ Casserole” with a small bottle of Perrier Water. I know the New Ritual down to the end of the Con- fession. It was hard to stop the mantra—the moment my thought wandered, up it popped 1 I shall add Cafe Cognac Cigare to …
1909 · PDF PAGE 86
7.50. 8.45. 8.53. 84 THE EQUINOX And the Visconti may turn up! . . . Eli, Eli, lama. sabacthani l Ι went out to the Dome to drink my final citron pressé and to avoid the Visconti. Am returned, and in bed. I shall try and sleep now, waking in time for midnight and the quiet hours. I have endured the supreme temptation and assault of the Enemy. In this wise. First, I found that I did not want sleep—I couldn’t stop “Waiting." Next, I said ”Since last night that Black Ritual (see entry 10.55) did at least serve to turn all my thoughts to the One Tho…
1909 · PDF PAGE 131
…ularity of subscriptions, the resurrection in a sixpenny edition, and the Book- stall everlasting AMEN. Arrived at Brenner’s studio, and went on with the “ moulage ” of my Asana. Left the Studio; walk with mantra. Mantra-march. Pranayama; quick time. Very brac- ing and fatiguing, both. At Döme to drink a Citron pressé. Reflections have been in my mind upon the grossness of the Theistic conception, as shewn even in such pictures as Raphael’s and Fra Angelico’s. 2 B 129
1909 · PDF PAGE 20
…ng; yet once “ the concep- tion of the Glowing Fire" seen as a planet (perhaps Mars). Just enough to destroy the concentration ; then it went out, dammit! Have attended to correspondence and other business and drunk a citron pressé. The Voice of the Nadi began to resound. Have done ”Bornless One ” in Asana. Good; yet I am filled with utter despair at the hopelessness of the Task. Especially do I get the Buddhist feeling, not only that Asana is intensely painful, but that all conceivable positions of the body are so. Still sitting; quite sceptica…
1909 · PDF PAGE 41
… committed unto me by the Masters; so that all might be absolutely correct. One thing strikes me as worthy of mention. Last night when I went into the restaurant to speak to 39
1909 · PDF PAGE 140
…ents, all the things that one does, very quietly and beatifically. About 10.30 the rapture began to carry me away; yet I withstood it and went on with my game of Billiards, for politeness’ sake. And even there in the Café du Dome was the glory within me, and I therein; 50 that every time that I failed at a stroke and stood up and drank in that
1909 · PDF PAGE 103
…30, I 2.20. 12.50. 1.35. 1.45. 2.25. JOHN ST. JOHN White Brilliance absorbed him, overcame him; for he could not pass therethrough. This went on repeating itself, the man transformed (as it were) into a mighty Battering Ram hurling itself again and again against the Walls of the City of God to breach them.—And as yet he has failed. Failed. Failed. Physical and mental exhaustion are fairly complete. Adonai, look with favour upon Thy slave ! He has walked, reciting the Ritual, to Dr. R and H for lunch. They have forgotten the appoint- ment, so he…
1909 · PDF PAGE 89
…e the New Ritual, not will I discuss the matter.) An impromptu invoca- tion of Adonai. 7. Closing formulae. Το work, then ! The ceremony went well enough; the forces invoked came readily and visibly; Thoth in particularas friendly as ever—I fancy He takes this record as a compliment to Him—He’s welcome to it, poor God! The L.V.X. came, too; but not enough to pierce the awful shroud of darkness that by my folly I have woven for myself. So at the end I found myself on the floor, so like Rodin’s Cruche Cassée Danaide girl as never was . . . As I ou…
1909 · PDF PAGE 14
10.45. I 2.0. 12.5. 12.12. 12 THE EQUINOX and went out to the Cafe’ du Dome where I took coffee and a brioche, after buying an exercise book in which to write this record. This was about 8.45; and now (10.10) I have written thus far. [Including the Prologue, but not the Preface—En] I have driven over to the Hammam through the beautiful sunshine, meditating upon the discipline of the Operation. It seems only necessary to cut off definitely dispersive things, aimless chatter and such; for the Operation itself will guide one, leading to disgust for…
1909 · PDF PAGE 54
… excellent is Prana Yama, a comfort to the soul! I did thirty-two cycles, easy and pleasant; could have gone on indefinitely. The muscles went rigid, prac— tically of their own accord; so light did I feel that I almost thought myself to be “that wise one ” who “can balance himself on his thumb.” Sleep is con- quered right away from the word “jump.” Indeed, if Satan trembles when he sees The weakest saint upon his knees ; then surely : Satan flees, exclaiming “ Damn !" When any saint starts Pranayam ! So happy, indeed, was I in the practice that I…
1909 · PDF PAGE 16
…e mind.——ED.] if I want one, or : may Adonai reveal unto me a special mantra to invoke Him! 3.51. Broke down again, mantra and all. 352- Went on meditating in “ Hanged Man posture " [Legs 4.14. crossed, arms below head, like the figure of the Hanged Man in the Tarot Gards.—BD.] to formulate sacrifice and pain self—inflicted; for I feel such a worm, able only to remain a few minutes at a time in a position long since“ conquered." For this reason too I cut again the Cross of Blood ; and now a third time will I do it. And I will take out the Magical …
1909 · PDF PAGE 56
…; yet will I again compose myself, devoting myself to Adonai. Again woke and continued mantra. I ought to have made more of it at 7.7; I went off again to sleep ; the result is that I am rather difficult to wake again. However, let me be vigilant now. I have dressed and from 8.35—8.45 performed the Ritual of the Bornless One. Though I performed it none too well (failing, e.g., to make use of the Geometric Progression on the Maha- lingam formula in the Ieou section [We cannot under- stand this passage. It presumably refers to the " Pre— liminary …
1909 · PDF PAGE 24
…hink of my throat for some other reason? Bother! These things are all dog-faced demons ! Το work ! Work: Meditation and Mantra. No good. Went off into a reverie about a castle and men-at—arms. This had all the qualities of a true dream, yet I was not in any other sense asleep. I soon will be, though. It seems foolish to persist.
1909 · PDF PAGE 102
…of the Grade 7°=4°, to strive consciously. But his nature itself, forced through these days into the one channel of Will towards Adonai, went on struggling on its own account. Later, the conscious man took heart and strove, though not so fiercely as before. He passed through the Lightnings of Ajna, whose two petals now spread out like wings above his head, and the awful Corona of the Interior Sun with its flashing fires appeared, and declared itself to be his Self. This he rejected; and the Formless Ocean of
1909 · PDF PAGE 93
…hael Brenner’s studio. I have spent the morning in modelling Siddhasana— a more difficult task than appeared. Rather like THE taskl But I went on with the mantra, and made some Re- flections upon Kamma. I will now have a Yogin coffee and sandwich, and return to my illumination of the Ritual. In the desert of my soul, where no herb grows, there is yet one little spring. I am still one—pointed, at least in the lower sense that I have no desire or ambition but this of accomplishing the Great Work. Barren is this soul of mine, in these 3% years of dr…
1909 · PDF PAGE 76
…rwesh whose turban a thief stole. But when they said to him, “ See ! he hath taken the road to Damascus !" that holy man answered, as he went quietly to the cemetery, “I will await him here ! " So, therefore, there is one place, O thou thief of my heart’s love, Adonai, to which Thou must come at last ; and that place is the tomb in which lie buried all my thoughts and emotions, all that which is “ I, and Me, and Mine.” There will I lay myself and await thee, even as our Father Christian Rosenkreutz that laid himself in the Pastas in the Vault o…
1909 · PDF PAGE 65
…ntuition of the direction and length of line A (Scott’s to Haggerston bee—line ; in spite of any winding, it would make little odds if I went via Poplar), another intuition of line B (Haggerston to Maida Vale), and obtained my line C (back to Scott’s) by “ Subliminal trigonometry.” In this example I am assuming that I had never been in London before. I have done precisely similar work in dozens of strange cities, even a twisted warren like Tangier or Cairo. I am worse in Paris than 63