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Page 1 of 21909 · PDF PAGE 28
…. vii. v. 19. I shall arise and go forth. I have a good mind to try violent excitement of the Muladhara Cakkram ; for the whole Sushumna seems dead. This at the risk of being labelled a Black Magician—by clergymen, Christian Scientists, and the “ self—reliant” classes in general. Arrived (partly by cab) at the Place. Certain curious phenomena which I have noticed at odd times—e.g., on Thursday night—but did not think proper to record must be investigated. It seems quite certain that meditation-practices profoundly affect the sexual pro— cess : …
1909 · PDF PAGE 24
…curious confusion in my mind between the Visuddhi Cakkram and that part of the Boulevard Edgar Quinet which opens on to the cemetery. It seems an identity. In trying to look at the Cakkram, I saw that. Query: What is the connection, which appeared absolute and essential? I had been specially im- pressed by that gate two days ago, with its knot of mourners. Could the scene have been recorded in a brain-cell adjoining that which records the Visuddhi- idea? Or did I at that time unconsciously think of my throat for some other reason? Bother! These…
1909 · PDF PAGE 71
…enthusiasm and attainment. Though it is perhaps true that perfect health and (Bien- étre are the bases of any true trance or rapture, it seems unlikely that mere exuberance of the former can excite the latter. In other words there is probably some first matter of the work which is not anything we know of as bodily. On my return to London, I must certainly put the matter before more experienced mathematicians, and if possible, get a graphic analysis of the kind in- dicated.] How difficult and expensive it is to get drunk, when one is doing magic !…
1909 · PDF PAGE 81
…particular dealing of God with my soul " the mere animal actions are the most resistant. One cannot see the nature of the phenomenon; it seems so un- important; one is inclined to despise it. Hence I enter it in the record as a correc- tive. 79
1909 · PDF PAGE 138
…aneous praise, a fountain in my heart. The authors of the Psalms must have known something of this Illumination when they wrote them. It seems, too, that this Operation is transformed. I suppose it must read as a patchwork of most inhar- monious colour, a thing without continuityor cohesion. Το me, now, it appears from the very start a simple direct progress in one straight line. I can hardly remember that there were checks. Of course my rational memory picking out details finds otherwise. But I seem to have two memories almost as if belonging t…
1909 · PDF PAGE 42
…the smell of it caused real nausea. To-day, I am perfectly balanced, neither hungry nor nauseated. This is indeed more important than it seems ; it is a sure sign when one sees a person take up fads that he is under the black rule of Apophis. In the Kingdom of Osiris there is freedom and light. To-day I shall eat neither with the frank gluttony of Isis nor with the severe asceticism of Apophis. I shall eat as much and as little as I fancy; these violent means are no longer necessary. Like Count Fosco, I shall “go on my way sustained by my subli…
1909 · PDF PAGE 104
…, Is grass green ? Every small snatch of sleep, without exception, in the last three or {our days, has these images. The ideal condition seems likely to be perfect oblivion —or (in the Adept) is the Tamo-Guna, the Power of Elemental Darkness, broken once and for ever, so that His sleep is vivid and rational as another man’s waking; His waking another man’s Samadhi; His Samadhi—to which He ever strives—— ? ? ? ? ? At least this latter view is suggested by the Rosicrucian formula of Reception: May thy mind be open unto the Higher! May thy heart b…
1909 · PDF PAGE 118
…returned to a simple practice, the holdingof the mind to a single imagined object; in this case the Triangle surmounted by the Cross. It seems quite easy to do nowadays; why shouldn’t it lead to The Result? It used to be supposed to do so. Might be worth trying anyway; things can hardly be worse than they are. Or, one might go over to the Hammam, and have a long bath and sleep—but who can tell whether it would refresh, or merely destroy the whole edifice built up so laboriously in these ten days? At Pantheon. ἑdozen Marennes, Rognons Brochette, …
1909 · PDF PAGE 125
…about till time to get into my Asana. Thirst! Oh how I thirst! I had not thought that there could be such suffering. The Eleventh Day It seems a poor thing to be proud of, merely to be awake. Yet I was flushed with triumph as a boy that wins his first race. The powers of Asana and Pranayama return. I did 21 Breath-cycles without fatigue. Energy returns, and Keenness to pursue the Path—all fruits of that one little victory over sleep. How delicate are these powers, so simple as they seem ! Let me be very humble, now and for ever more ! Surely at l…
1909 · PDF PAGE 14
…not the Preface—En] I have driven over to the Hammam through the beautiful sunshine, meditating upon the discipline of the Operation. It seems only necessary to cut off definitely dispersive things, aimless chatter and such; for the Operation itself will guide one, leading to disgust for too much food and so on. Ifthere be upon my limbs any chain that requires a definite effort to break it, perhaps sleep is that chain. But we shall see—so/m'lur ambulando. If any asceti- cism be desirable later on, true wariness will soon detect any danger, and de…
1909 · PDF PAGE 31
…s: yet now I am again energised; may it be to the point of Enthusiasml People will most assuredly smile at this exalted mystic; his life seems made up of sleep and love-making. Indeed, to-day I have been shockingly under the power of Tamas, the dark sphere. But that is clearly a fatigue-effect from having worked so hard. Oh Lord, how long? The Mantra still ripples on. I am so far from the Path that I have a real good mind to get Maryt to let me perform the Black Mass on her 31 midnight. I would 29
1909 · PDF PAGE 54
…He was supposed to be an invalid. I am glad to say that I woke properly and got quite automatically on to the mantra. My Prana, however, seems feverish and unbalanced. So I eat a biscuit or two and drink some water and will put it right with the Pentagram Ritual. Done, but oh! how hard. Sleep fights me as Apollyon fought Christian! but I will up and take him by the throat. (See; ’tis 2.30. Twelve minutes to do that little in!) And look at the handwriting! How excellent is Prana Yama, a comfort to the soul! I did thirty-two cycles, easy and pleas…
1909 · PDF PAGE 106
… as he is by the blinding brilliance of this morning’s Spiritual Sun, which yet he beheld but darkly, to him now even the light of earth seems dark. Reason the rudder was long since unshipped; the power 01 his personality has broken down, yet under the tiny storm-sail 01 his Will to Adonai, the crazy bark holds way, steered by the car of Discipline— Yea, he holds his course. Adonail Adonai! is not the harbour yet in sight? He has returned home and burnt (as every night since its arrival) the holy incense of Abramelin the Mage. The atmosphere is…
1909 · PDF PAGE 105
…gone up to live in Tiphereth. Or so O.M. read it. The other idea of the Light descending and filling each principle with its glory is, it seems to him, less fertile, and less in accord with any idea of Evolution. (What would Judas McCabbage think ?) And one can so readily understand how tremendous a task is that of the postulant, since he has to glorify and initiate all his principles and train them to their new and superior tasks. This surely explains better the terrible dangers of the path. . . . Some years back, 011 the Red River in China, Jo…
1909 · PDF PAGE 94
…d, may dance upon the desert! The Light beginneth to dawn upon the Path, so that I see a little better where I stand. This whole journey seems under some other formula than IAO—perhaps a Pentagram formula with which I am not clearly acquainted. If I knew the Word of the Grade, I could foretell things: but I don’t. I think I will read through the whole Record to date and see 11 I can find an Ariadne-clue. Back, and settled to Ritual—painting. Finished: bar frontispiece and colophon, which I can design and execute to—morrow. Took half an hour off,…
1909 · PDF PAGE 87
…eshold be that most formidable devil, how vast must be the Pylon that shelters him, and how glorious must be the Temple just beyond I It seems that there was one more mistake to make; for I’ve made it! I started to attempt to awaken the Kundalini—the magical serpent that sleeps at the base of the spine; coiled in three coils and a half around the Sushumna; and instead of pumping the Prana up and down the Sushumna until Siva was united with Sakti in the Sahasrara-Cakkram, I tried—God knows why; I'm stupider than an ass or H . . . C . . . .—-to w…
1909 · PDF PAGE 33
… stop it absolutely at will : even the Work itself may become an obsession. I 1 hours with no real break—not bad. The bad part of to-day seems the Asana, and the deadness. Or, perhaps worse, I fail to apprehend the true magical purport of my work: hence all sort of aimless formulae, leading—naturallyenough—to no result. It just strikes me—it may be this Isis Apophis Osiris IAO formula that I have preached so often. Certainly the first two days were Isis—natural, pleasant, easy events. Most certainly too to-day has been Apophis! Think of the wild…
1909 · PDF PAGE 92
… Path. I don’t “wear my iniquity as an aureole, deathless in Spiritual Evil," as Mr. Waite thinks; but it’s nearly as bad as that. There seems only one reply to this great question of the Hunchback (I like to symbolise the spirit of Questioning by “ב-"?? little crooked thing that asks questions) and that is to keep on affirming Adonai, and refusing to be obsessed by any images of discipline or magic. Ofcourse 1 but this is just the difficulty—as it was in the Beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end! My beautiful answer to the ques…
1909 · PDF PAGE 80
…d when I am indeed awake from this glamour life, awake to the love of my Lord Adonai ! It is bitter chill at dawn. Aconsecrating cold it seems to me—yet I will not confront it and rejoice in it— I am already content, having ceased to strive. Again awake, deliciously rested and refreshed. Again awake, ditto.
1909 · PDF PAGE 68
…y other enthusiasm, poetic, venereal, or bacchanalian. It will be purely mystici But as it has not happened yet—- and just at present it seems incredible that it should happen—I think we may change the subject. . . . . What a fool I am, by the way! Isay that " He is God, and that there is no other God than He” 1800 times an hour; but I don‘t think it even once a day. All my energy has suddenly come back. Was it that Hatha—Yoga sandwich? I go on copying the Ritual. Copying finished. I will go and dine, and learn it by heart, humbly and thoughtful…