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Page 1 of 21909 · PDF PAGE 47
…ay has been, and the evening is, close and hot, with a little fog; and, one may suspect, the air is overcharged with electricity. I will rest quietly with my mantra as Hanged Man, and perhaps sleep for a little. . No sleep—no rest for the wicked! ’Tis curious how totally independent is mantra-yoga of reverie. I can say my mantra vigorously while my thought wanders all over the world; yetI cannot write the simplest sentence without stopping it, unless with a very great effort, and then it is not satisfactory to either party! Meditation—~of the "…
1909 · PDF PAGE 53
…arbour; for my little ship is tossed by divers tempests, even by Euroclydon, in the Place where Four Winds meet. Therefore I shall go to rest, letting my mind rest ever in the Will toward Adonai. Let my sleep be toward Him, or annihilation; let my waking be to the music of His name; let the day be full to the uttermost of Him only. My good friend the body woke me at this hour by means of disturbed dreams about a quite imaginary 51
1909 · PDF PAGE 102
…n he stood at the gate, and could not enter. And the Violet Flames of Ajna triumphed over him. Then Brenner said: “ Let us take a little rest!”—oh irony l—and he came down from his throne, staggering with fatigue. . . . If you can conceive of all his anger and despair! His pen, writing this, forms a letter badly, and through clenched teeth he utters a fierce curse. Oh Lord Adonai, look with favour upon him 1 After five minutes rest (to the body, that is), John St. John was too exhausted on resuming his pose, which, by the way, happens to be the S…
1909 · PDF PAGE 66
…t would happen if I forced my Scin—Laecato become a Whirling Dervish? I couldn’t get giddy, because my Semi- cireular canals would be at rest. I must really try the experiment. [Scin-Laeca. See Lord Lytton’s ”Strange Story.“—ED.] I will now devote myself to sleep, willing Adonai. Lord Adonai, give me deep rest like death, so that in very few hours I may be awake and active, full of lion- strength of purpose toward Thee! My heroic conduct was nearly worth a “ Nuit Blanche.” For, being so thoroughly awake, I had all my Prana irritated, a feeling …
1909 · PDF PAGE 15
…e big lunch is a nuisance. I continue meditating simply. Asana hurts badly, and I can no longer concentrate at all. Must take 5 minutes‘ rest and then persevere. I3
1909 · PDF PAGE 71
…me for a little, I now return home. I thought to myself, “Let me chuck the whole thing overboard and be sensible, and get a good night’s rest"—and perceived that it would be impossible. I am so far into this Operation that pausing to cast one last glance back O’er the safe road—’twas gone !
1909 · PDF PAGE 128
…nsiderations concerning the Nature of the 1.5. 126 Path. The upshot is that it does not matter. Acquire full power of Concentration; the rest is only leather and prunella. Don’t worry; work! I shall now make a pantacle to aid the said faculty of concentration. The Voice 01 the Nadi (by the way) is resoundingwell, and the Chittam is a little better under control. Have worked well on the Pantacle, thinking of Adonai. Of course we are now reduced to a “low anthropo- morphic conception ”—but what odds ? Once the Right Thought comes it will transcen…
1909 · PDF PAGE 67
…play the fountains of the Elixir! Wrote two pages; the previous were not really dry; so I must wait a little before illuminating. I will rest—if I can! In the Hanged Man posture. I soon went to sleep and stayed there. It is useless to persist. . . . Yet I persist. I was so shockingly cold that I went to the Dome and had milk, coffee, and sandwich, eaten in Yogin manner. x 65
1909 · PDF PAGE 25
…mes in the night I had been awakened by this loyal body, urging me to rise and meditate—and my weak will bade it be at ease and take its rest—oh, wretched man! slave of the hour and of the worm 1 Fifteen cycles of Prana Yama put me right mentally and physically: otherwise they had little apparent success. Have breakfasted—a pear and two Garibaldis. (These by the way are the small size, half the big squares) Have smoked a pipe to show that I'm not in a hurry. Hanged Man with mantra in Visuddhi. Thought I had been much longer. At one point the Sp…
1909 · PDF PAGE 60
… you correcting Liber DCCCCLXIII. ?" I reply, “ No! Iam Adonail " Arrival of the Visconti. Departure of the Visconti. Really a necessary rest: for my head had begun to ache, and her kiss, half given and half taken, much refreshed me. Have done Liber DCCCCLXIII. 'Tis hardly thinkable that one could have read it (merely) in the
1909 · PDF PAGE 104
…r than the neighbour- hood of that tremendous Threshold; wherefore he fell from meditation into sleep, and there his Lord gave him sweet rest thereof. He will arise, and take a drink—a citron presse—at the Dome ; for the day is yet exceeding hot, and he has had little One ought to remark that all this sleep is full of extravagant dreams ; rarely irrational and never (of course) unpleasant, or one would be up and working with a circle every night. But O.M. thinks that they show an excited and unbalanced condition of John St. John‘s brain, though…
1909 · PDF PAGE 62
…goes well; good images and powerful, but I slack right off into sleep. It’s the hour for heroic measures or else to say : A good night’s rest, and start fresh in the morning! I suppose, as usual, I shall say the first and do the second. Have risen, washed, performed the ritual “Thee I invoke, the Bornless One " physically. The result fair. One gets better magical sight and feeling when one is performing a ritual in one’s Astral Body, so called. For one is on the same plane as the things one’s dealing with. If, however, serious work is wanted, on…
1909 · PDF PAGE 99
… that heart could desire; but no “ jumping about like a frog” or levitation. A pity ! I shall read for a little in the Yoga-Shastra as a rest. Then for the end of the day and the Beginning of the Ninth Day. Zoroaster (or Pythagoras ?) informs us that the number Nine is sacred, and attains the summit of Philosophy. I’m sure I hope so! I get into Asana . . . and so endeth the Eighth Lesson. The Ninth Day Thus I began this great day, being in my Asana firm and easy, and holding in my breath for a full minute while I threw my will with all my might …
1909 · PDF PAGE 116
…, etc., reflecting on the Path. Blinder 114 than ever! The brain is in revolt; it has been com- pressed too long. Yet it is impossible to rest. It is too late. The Irresistible God, whose name is Destiny, has been invoked, and He hath answered. The matter is in His hands; He must end it, either with that mighty spiritual Experience which I have sought, or else with black madness, or with death. By the Body of God, swear thou that death would come— welcome, welcome, welcome!
1909 · PDF PAGE 117
… the Block? Breakfast—croissant, sandwich, 2 coffees. Concen- trating !?#”the Work as well as possible. Arrived at Brenner’s studio. The rest has produced one luminous idea: why not end it all with destruction ? Say a great ritual of Geburah, curses, curses, curses! John St. John ought not to have forgotten how to curse. In his early days at Wastdale Head people would travel miles to hear him! Curse all the Gods and all the demons—all those things in short which go to make up John St. John. For timi—as he now knows—is the Name of the great Enem…
1909 · PDF PAGE 24
10.55. I L10. 11.17. 11.35. 22 THE EQUINOX Having written the above, I shall rest for a few moments to try and get rid of my headache. A good simile (by the way) for the Yogi is to say that he watches his thought like a cat watching a mouse. The paw ready to strike the instant Mr. Mouse stirsi I have chewed a Gaufrette and drunk a little water, in case the headache is from hunger. (P.S.—It was so; the food cured it at once.) I now lie down as Hanged Man and say mantra in Visuddhi. I must really note the curious confusion in my mind between the …
1909 · PDF PAGE 69
…red with its due performance. Instead I thought myself such a fine fellow that to get into Asana for a few minutes every midnight and the rest go—as—you-please would be enough. I am well punished. This food, eaten in aYogin and ceremonial manner, is doing me good. I shall end, God willing, with coffee, cognac, and cigar. It is a fatal error to knock the body to pieces and leave the consciousness intact, as has been the case with me all day. It is true that some people find that if they hurt the body, they make the mind unstable. True ; they predi…
1909 · PDF PAGE 61
….50. 125. JOHN ST. JOHN time. Say three and a half hours! Well, if it doesn’t count as Tapas, and Jap, and Yama, and Niyama, and all the rest of it, allI can say is that Ithink They don’t play fair. Iwill now go and get something to eat, and (God willing) on my return settle down to real work, for I need daylight to copy my Ritual. A sandwich and two coffees at the Versailles and a citron pressé at the Dome, some little chatter with M—e, Β e, H s, and others. In fact, I’m a lazy unconcentrated hound. I started Mantra again, though ; of course i…
1909 · PDF PAGE 83
…ay there is a complete absence of all one‘s magical apparatus. The mantra has slowed down to (at a guess) a quarter of its old pace. The rest in unison. This is because the feeling of great power, etc. etc., is the mere evidence of con- flict—the thunder of the guns. Now all is at peace; the power of the river, no more a torrent. The Concourse of the Forces has become the Harmony of the Forces; the word Tetragrammation is spoken and ended ; the holy letter Shin is descended into it. For the roaring God of Sinai we have the sleeping Babe of Bethl…
1909 · PDF PAGE 115
…us with the Stone of the Philo- sophersl An Ixion bound to the Wheel of Destiny and of the Samsara, unable to reach the centre, where is Rest. He must add to the entry 1.13 that the ”telephone- cross " voices came as he composed himself to sleep, in the Will to Adonai. This time he detached a body of cavalry to chase them to oblivion. Perhaps an unwise division of his forces; yet he was so justly indignant at the eternal illusions that he may be excused. Excused! To whom? Thou must succeed or fail! Ο Batsman, with thy frail fortress of Three—in…