1909 · PDF PAGE 3
John St. John
SPECIAL SUPPLEMENT JOHN ST. JOHN THE RECORD OF THE MAGICAL RETIREMENT OF G. Η. FRATER, ΟΜ
original embedded textRead original & transcription →
FOLLOW A WORD THROUGH THE COLLECTION
Search the corpus.
Phrase search ignores case and repeated whitespace. All-words search finds whole words anywhere on the same page. OCR errors can affect results.
25 matching pages
Page 1 of 21909 · PDF PAGE 91
John St. John
11.37. 11.54. 12.3. JOHN ST. JOHN attaching myself to all this great concourse of ideas that I have here recorded, instead of remaining fixed in the single stronghold of Unity with Myself. And so this great day draws to its end. These are indeed the Qliphoth, the Qliphoth of Kether, the Thaumiel, twin giant heads that hate and tear each other. For the horror and darkness have been unbelievable; yet again, the light and brilliance have been almost in- supportable. I was never so far, and never so near . . . But the hour approaches. Let me collect…
original embedded textRead original & transcription →
1909 · PDF PAGE 8
John St. John
THE EQUINOX It is with the object of giving the reins into the hands of others that I have written this record, not without pain. Others, reading it, will see the sort of way one sets to work ; they will imitate and improve upon it; they will attain to the Magistry; they will prepare the Red Tincture and the Elixir of Life—for they will discover what Life means.
original embedded textRead original & transcription →
1909 · PDF PAGE 9
John St. John
PROLOGUE IT hath appeared unto me fitting to make a careful and even an elaborate record of this Great Magical Retirement, for that in the first place I am now certain of obtaining some Result therefrom, as I was never previously certain. Previous records of mine have therefore seemed vague and obscure, even unto the wisest of the scribes; and I am myself afraid that even here all my skill of speech and study may avail me little, so that the most important part of the record will be blank. Now I cannot tell whether it is a part of my personal Kam…
original embedded textRead original & transcription →
1909 · PDF PAGE 130
John St. John
…nce of Work. Of all the holy illuminated Men of God of my acquaintance, I am the only one that holds this opinion. But I think that this Record, when I have time to go through it, and stand at some distance, to get the per— spective, will be proved a conclusive proof of my thesis. I think that every failure will be certainly traceable to my own dam foolishness; every little success to courage, skill, wit, tenacity. IfI had but a little more of these! I further take this opportunityof asserting my Atheism. I believe that all these phenomena are …
original embedded textRead original & transcription →
1909 · PDF PAGE 14
John St. John
…12 THE EQUINOX and went out to the Cafe’ du Dome where I took coffee and a brioche, after buying an exercise book in which to write this record. This was about 8.45; and now (10.10) I have written thus far. [Including the Prologue, but not the Preface—En] I have driven over to the Hammam through the beautiful sunshine, meditating upon the discipline of the Operation. It seems only necessary to cut off definitely dispersive things, aimless chatter and such; for the Operation itself will guide one, leading to disgust for too much food and so on. I…
original embedded textRead original & transcription →
1909 · PDF PAGE 94
John St. John
… am not clearly acquainted. If I knew the Word of the Grade, I could foretell things: but I don’t. I think I will read through the whole Record to date and see 11 I can find an Ariadne-clue. Back, and settled to Ritual—painting. Finished: bar frontispiece and colophon, which I can design and execute to—morrow. Took half an hour off, making a silly sketch of a sunset. Will now read through the Record, and Reflect upon it. “ Before I was blind ; now I see Ι " Yesterday I was right up to the Threshold, right enough; but got turned back by the Dwelle…
original embedded textRead original & transcription →
1909 · PDF PAGE 111
John St. John
…lves against him. The petty affairs of the day; even the irritations of his body, the emotions of him, the plans of him, worry about the Record and the Ritual and—- O! everything l—then, too, the thoughts which are closer yet to the great Enemy, the sense of separate- ness ; that sense itself at last—~50 O. M. withdrew from the conflict for a moment so that the duty of this Record done might leave him free for the fight. It may have been a snare—~may the Lord Adonai keep him in the Path. Adonai! Adonai! (P.S.—Add that the “ultra-violet” or “astra…
original embedded textRead original & transcription →
1909 · PDF PAGE 28
John St. John
…ly by cab) at the Place. Certain curious phenomena which I have noticed at odd times—e.g., on Thursday night—but did not think proper to record must be investigated. It seems quite certain that meditation-practices profoundly affect the sexual pro— cess : how and why I do not yet certainly know. 2.45. Rubbish! everything perfectly normal. 26 Difficult, though, to keep mantram going. Am sitting on the brink of the big fountain in the Luxembourg. This deadness of the whole system continues. To explain. Normally, if the thought be energetically dir…
original embedded textRead original & transcription →
1909 · PDF PAGE 81
John St. John
…ce yesterday morning or possibly earlier‘ I have given it little attention, but it is painful. I want to explain why I have so carefully recorded the somewhat banal details of all I have eaten and drunk. I. All food is a species of intoxicant; hence a fruitful source of error. Should I obtain any good result, Limight say “ You were starved " or “You were drunk." It is very easy to get visions of sorts by either process, and to delude oneself into the idea that one has attained, mistaking the Qliphoth for Kether. 2. In keeping the vow “I will in…
original embedded textRead original & transcription →
1909 · PDF PAGE 140
John St. John
1.32 THE EQUINOX . I read through this volume of the Record; and I dissolve my being into quintessential laughter. The entries are some of them so funny] . . . Pre- viously, this had escaped me. . And now the Rapture of it takes me! 1.25. The exquisite beauty of the women in the Restaurant 1127 1.30 3.17 11.15 138 . what John St. John would have called old hagsl . My soul is singing. . . my soul is singing! . It matters nothing what I do . . . everything goes infinitely, incredibly right ! “The Lord Adonai is about me as a Thunderbolt and as a P…
original embedded textRead original & transcription →
1909 · PDF PAGE 46
John St. John
…n that Except Adonai build the House, they labour in vain that build it? Chez Lavenue. Not feeling like revision, will read through this record. My dinner is to be Bisque d’Ecrevisses, Tournedos Rossini, a Coupe Jack, half a bottle of Meursault, and Coffee. All should now acquit adepts of the charge of not knowing how to do themselves well. Dinner over, I return to Mantra-Yoga. One may note that I expected the wine to have an excessive effect on me; on the contrary, it has much less effect than usual. This is rather important. I have purposely …
original embedded textRead original & transcription →
1909 · PDF PAGE 89
John St. John
…The ceremony went well enough; the forces invoked came readily and visibly; Thoth in particularas friendly as ever—I fancy He takes this record as a compliment to Him—He’s welcome to it, poor God! The L.V.X. came, too; but not enough to pierce the awful shroud of darkness that by my folly I have woven for myself. So at the end I found myself on the floor, so like Rodin’s Cruche Cassée Danaide girl as never was . . . As I ought to have been in the beginning] Well, one thing I got (again !), that is, that when all is said and done, I am that I am,…
original embedded textRead original & transcription →
1909 · PDF PAGE 118
John St. John
…6 THE EQUINOX The pose over; recited Ritual, now known by heart; then willed Adonai ; hopelessly unconcentrated. . . . To interpret this Record aright, it must, however, be understood that the “ Standard of Living ” goes up at an incredible rate The same achievement would, say five days ago, have been entered as “ High degree of concentration ; unhoped-for success." The phenomena which to-day one dismisses with annoyed contempt are the same which John Ξε. John worked four years continuously to attain, and when attained seemed almost to outstrip …
original embedded textRead original & transcription →
1909 · PDF PAGE 107
John St. John
…! One thinks one is at least always good for a fair average performance—and one is undeceived. This, by the way, is the supreme use of a record like this. It makes it impossible to cheat oneself. Well, he has got to get up more steam somehow, though the boiler bursts. Perhaps early dinner, with Ritual, may induce that Enthusiastic Energy of which the Gnostics write. This morning the whole Sankhara-dhatu (the tendency of the being John St. John) was operating aright. Now by no effort of will can he flog his tired cattle along the trail. So poor a…
original embedded textRead original & transcription →
1909 · PDF PAGE 98
John St. John
… Home again ; have done odd necessary things, and am ready to work. I feel slack; and I feel that I have been slack, though probably the Record shows a fair amount of work done. But I am terribly bruised by the Great Fall; these big things leave the body and mind no worse, apparently ; but they hurt the Self, and later that is reflected into the lower parts of the man as insanity or death. I must attain, or . . . an end of John St. John. An end of him, one way or the other, then l Good-bye, John ! Ten minutes wasted in sheer mooning! I’m getting…
original embedded textRead original & transcription →
1909 · PDF PAGE 134
John St. John
…gedy—one little comedy—two essays—a dozen poems or so—two or three short stories—odds and ends of one sort and another: it’s a miserable record, though the Tragedy is good enough to last a life. It marks an epoch in literature, though nobody else will guess it for fifty years yet. The travel, too, has been rubbish. It’s been a petty, peddling year. The one absolute indication is: on no account live otherwise than alone. But it is 1035; these considerations, though in a way pertaining to the Work, are not the Work itself. Let me begin to inflame m…
original embedded textRead original & transcription →
1909 · PDF PAGE 47
John St. John
…a moment, and the truth of it would have been 5 per cent.drug and95per cent.magic ; but nobodywould have believed me. Remember that this record is for the British Public, “ who may like me yet.” God forbid! for I cannot echo Browning’s hope. Their greasiness, hypocrisy, and meanness are such that their appreciation could only mean my vileness, not their redemption. Sorry if I seem pessimistic about them! A nasty one for me, by the way, if they suddenly started buying me ! I should have, in mere consistency, to cut my throat! Calm yourself, my f…
original embedded textRead original & transcription →
1909 · PDF PAGE 64
John St. John
…acts through the will and the apparatus of nerves and muscles. But might not a sudden fear cause the heart to stop? I think cases are on record. But all this is unknown ground, or, as Frank Harris would say, Unpath'd Waters. We are getting dangerously near “mental arsenic ” and " all—god— good—bones—truth—lights—liver—mind—blessing —heart——-one and not of a series—ante and pass the buck." The common sense of the practical man of the world is good enough {or me! Will G. R. S. Mead or somebody wise like that tell me why it is that if I get out of…
original embedded textRead original & transcription →
1909 · PDF PAGE 87
John St. John
…whole operation in Muladhara—with the obvious result. There are only two more idiocies to perform—one, to take a big dose of Hashish and record the ravings as if they were Samadhi; and two, to go to Church. Ι may as well give up. 85
original embedded textRead original & transcription →