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Page 1 of 21909 · PDF PAGE 56
3.6. 3.32. 7-7- 8.10. 8.45. 8.50. 54 THE EQUINOX momentary pause which this causes, some old habitual thought (to-night my mantra) rises up. A case of the Closure followed by the Moving of the Previous Question. Oh Lord! when wilt Thou carry a Motion to Adjourn, nay, to Prorogue, nay! to Dissolve this Parliament? I am not sleepy; yet will I again compose myself, devoting myself to Adonai. Again woke and continued mantra. I ought to have made more of it at 7.7; I went off again to sleep ; the result is that I am rather difficult to wake again. Ho…
1909 · PDF PAGE 97
JOHN ST. JOHN 8.40. Adonai. It is near the night of the Full Moon ; in my life the Full Moon hath ever been of great augury. But to—night I am too poor in spirit to hope. Lol I was travelling on the paths of Lamed and of Mem, of Justice and the Hanged Man, and I fell into both the pitfalls thereof. Instead of the Great Balance firmly held, I found only Libra, the house of Venus and of the exaltation of Saturn ; and these evil planets, smiling and frowning, overcame me. And so for the sublime Path of Mem ; instead of that symbol of the Adept, his…
1909 · PDF PAGE 127
…a mere desperate struggle to keep the eyes open. . Pranayama all wrong—very difficult. Rose, washed, drank a few drops of water. (N.B.—To—night have drunk several times, a mouthful at a time; other nights, and days, no. All entries into body recorded duly.) Have done 10 Breath»Cycles ; am quite awake. It will therefore now be lawful again to sleep. Awoke at 7.40, read a letter which arrived, and tried quite vainly to concentrate. Have risen, written a letter. Will break my fast— cafe croissant—and go a walk with the New Mantra, using my recently…
1909 · PDF PAGE 71
…t the Dome for a little, I now return home. I thought to myself, “Let me chuck the whole thing overboard and be sensible, and get a good night’s rest"—and perceived that it would be impossible. I am so far into this Operation that pausing to cast one last glance back O’er the safe road—’twas gone !
1909 · PDF PAGE 28
… classes in general. Arrived (partly by cab) at the Place. Certain curious phenomena which I have noticed at odd times—e.g., on Thursday night—but did not think proper to record must be investigated. It seems quite certain that meditation-practices profoundly affect the sexual pro— cess : how and why I do not yet certainly know. 2.45. Rubbish! everything perfectly normal. 26 Difficult, though, to keep mantram going. Am sitting on the brink of the big fountain in the Luxembourg. This deadness of the whole system continues. To explain. Normally, i…
1909 · PDF PAGE 58
…ain issued: whose Foundation is One, One and Alone.” As therefore Discipline of whatever kind is only one way of going into a wood at midnight on Easter Eve and cutting the magic wand with a single blow of the magic knife, etc. etc. etc., we can regard the Western system as the essential one. Yet of course Pranayama, for one thing, has its own definite magical effect, apart from teaching the practitioner that he must last out those three seconds—those deadly long last three seconds—even if he burst in the process. All this I am writing during br…
1909 · PDF PAGE 133
…t I am more balanced on, and master of, the Path, I cannot say. Have walked home, drunk a citron pressé at the Dome, and prepare for the night. As I crossed the boulevard, I looked to the bright moon, high and stately in the east, for a message. And there came to me this passage from the Book of Abramelin: “And thou wilt begin to inflame thyself in pray— ing . . . It is the sentence which goes on to declare the Result. (P.S.—With this rose that curious feeling of confidence, sure premonition of success, that one gets in most physical tasks, but e…
1909 · PDF PAGE 137
… dwellers of the light, Opening Duant, the star-abodes ; Their keys receiving. The dead man Ankh-af-na-khonsu Hath made his passage into night, His pleasure on the earth to do Among the living. Amen Amen without lie Amen, and Amen of Amen. I shall lie down to sleep in my robes, still wearing the Ring of the Masters, and bearing my wand in my hand. For to me now sleep is the same as waking, and life the same as death. In Thy L.V.X. are not light and darkness but twin children that chase each other in their play? Awoke from long sweet dreamless s…
1909 · PDF PAGE 41
…e Secret Ring committed unto me by the Masters; so that all might be absolutely correct. One thing strikes me as worthy of mention. Last night when I went into the restaurant to speak to 39
1909 · PDF PAGE 12
…se that the Pentagrams instantly formulated themselves, visible to the material eye as it were bars of shining blackness deeper than the night. I then consecrated myself to the Operation; cutting the Tonsure upon my head, a circle, as it were to admit the light of infinity: and cutting the cross of blood upon my breast, thus symbolising the equilibration of and the slaying of the body, while loosing the blood, the first projection in matter of the universal Fluid. The whole formulating the Ankh—the Key of Life! Igave moreover the signs ofthe grad…
1909 · PDF PAGE 25
…ness, not feeling clean and happy, not burning with love unto my Lord Adonai, though ashamed indeed for that thrice or four times in the night I had been awakened by this loyal body, urging me to rise and meditate—and my weak will bade it be at ease and take its rest—oh, wretched man! slave of the hour and of the worm 1 Fifteen cycles of Prana Yama put me right mentally and physically: otherwise they had little apparent success. Have breakfasted—a pear and two Garibaldis. (These by the way are the small size, half the big squares) Have smoked a…
1909 · PDF PAGE 104
…p is full of extravagant dreams ; rarely irrational and never (of course) unpleasant, or one would be up and working with a circle every night. But O.M. thinks that they show an excited and unbalanced condition of John St. John‘s brain, though he is almost too cowed to express an opinion at all, even were the question, Is grass green ? Every small snatch of sleep, without exception, in the last three or {our days, has these images. The ideal condition seems likely to be perfect oblivion —or (in the Adept) is the Tamo-Guna, the Power of Elementa…
1909 · PDF PAGE 125
…ers for the One Power ! Another smart attack of diarrhoea. I take 4 gr. Plumb. c. Opio and alter my determination to stay out of bed all night, as chill is doubtless the chief cause. . . . It is really extraordinaryhow the smallest success 123
1909 · PDF PAGE 101
…ment with Michael Brenner to continue moulding Siddhasana. Again I awake. . . , ]0 swine! thou hast felt in thy- self " Good! Good I the night is broken up nicely; all goes very well ”—and thou hast written “ I ! " Oswine, John St. John! When wilt thou learn that the least stirring of thy smug content is the great Fall from the Plath ?[ It will be best to get up and do some kind of work; for the beast would sleep. John St John has arisen, after doing 20 breath- cycles, reciting internally the ritual, 70 per cent. of which he now knows by heart.…
1909 · PDF PAGE 62
…e magic goes well; good images and powerful, but I slack right off into sleep. It’s the hour for heroic measures or else to say : A good night’s rest, and start fresh in the morning! I suppose, as usual, I shall say the first and do the second. Have risen, washed, performed the ritual “Thee I invoke, the Bornless One " physically. The result fair. One gets better magical sight and feeling when one is performing a ritual in one’s Astral Body, so called. For one is on the same plane as the things one’s dealing with. If, however, serious work is wa…
1909 · PDF PAGE 119
…t, reading through his proofs the while. One good thing; the Chittam is moving slowly. The waiters all hurry him—what a contrast to last night l Proofs read through again. John St. John feels far from well. A stroll down the Boul’ Mich’ and avisit to M—’s studio improve matters a good deal. The cure continued. No worry about the Work, but an effort to put it altogether out of the mind. A cafe creme, forty minutes at the Academic Marcelle —a gruelling bout without the gloves—and J St. Jr is at the Luxembourg to look at the pretty pictures. The p…
1909 · PDF PAGE 99
…and easy, and holding in my breath for a full minute while I threw my will with all my might towards Adonai. Have settled myself for the night. Will continue a little, learning the Ritual. Ζ 97
1909 · PDF PAGE 95
…ming—the vision of Khephra, etc. It was perhaps this subtle self-satisfaction that lost me . . . so I fell to the shocking abyss of last night! The Dweller of the Threshold is never visible until after one has fallen; he is a Veiled God and smites like the Evil Knight in Malory, riding and slaying—and no man seeth him. But when you are tumbled headlong into Hell, where he lives, then he unveils his Face, and blasts you with its horror! Very good, John St. John, now you knowl You are plain John St. John, and you have to climb right up again thro…
1909 · PDF PAGE 106
…e car of Discipline— Yea, he holds his course. Adonail Adonai! is not the harbour yet in sight? He has returned home and burnt (as every night since its arrival) the holy incense of Abramelin the Mage. The atmosphere is full of vitality, sweetened and strengthened; the soul naturally and simply turns to the holy task with vigour and confidence; the black demons of doubt and despair flee away; one respires already a foretaste of the Perfume, and obtains almost a premonition 01 the Vision. So, let the work go 0111 7 Breath—cycles, rather difficult. …
1909 · PDF PAGE 116
…lure! Failure! Now then let me (7.35) take the position of the Hanged Man and invoke Adonai. Probably sleep returned shortly. Not a good night, though dreamless, so far as memory serves. The rain comes wearily down, not chasing the dryness, but soddening the streets. The rain of autumn, not the rain of spring! So is it in this soul, Lord Adonai. The thought of Thee is heavy and uneasy, flabby and loose, like an old fat woman stupid-drunk in her slum; which was as a young maiden in a field of lilies, arrow-straight, sun- strong, moon-pure, a form …