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Page 1 of 21909 · PDF PAGE 22
…t dragon, not daring to abide the shock, flees utterly away. Lunch, 3 Garibaldis and 3 Gaufrettes. Wrote two letters. Going out walk with mantra. This walk was in a way rather a success. I got the good mantra effects, e.g., the brain taking it up of its own accord ; also the distaste for everythingbut Adonai became stronger and stronger. But when I returned from a visit to B e on an errand of comradeship—b; hours’ talk to cut out of this mantra-yoga—I found all sorts of people at the Dome, where I drank a Citron presse: they detained me in talk,…
1909 · PDF PAGE 31
…- -3.55 י356 4,10. 4.25. 5.30. 550. JOHN ST. JOHN [The “Akasic Egg” is the sphere of the personality of man. A theosophic term—Eu] N.B.-—Mantras might with advantage be palindromes. I try to construct a magic square from the mantra. No good. But the mantra is going much better, quite mechanically and “without attachment ” (la, without conscious ulterior design. “Art for Art’s sake ” as it were). I drink a “Citron pressé.” Alas! here comes Maryt (with a sad tale of X. It appears that she fainted and spent some hours at the hospital. I should hav…
1909 · PDF PAGE 47
…evening is, close and hot, with a little fog; and, one may suspect, the air is overcharged with electricity. I will rest quietly with my mantra as Hanged Man, and perhaps sleep for a little. . No sleep—no rest for the wicked! ’Tis curious how totally independent is mantra-yoga of reverie. I can say my mantra vigorously while my thought wanders all over the world; yetI cannot write the simplest sentence without stopping it, unless with a very great effort, and then it is not satisfactory to either party! Meditation—~of the " rational ” sort—on t…
1909 · PDF PAGE 16
THE EQUINOX 3.41. Began again. I shall take " Hua allalu alazi lailaha illa hua” for mantra [any sacred sentence, whose con- stant repetition produces many strange effects upon the mind.——ED.] if I want one, or : may Adonai reveal unto me a special mantra to invoke Him! 3.51. Broke down again, mantra and all. 352- Went on meditating in “ Hanged Man posture " [Legs 4.14. crossed, arms below head, like the figure of the Hanged Man in the Tarot Gards.—BD.] to formulate sacrifice and pain self—inflicted; for I feel such a worm, able only to remain a f…
1909 · PDF PAGE 127
…ived, and tried quite vainly to concentrate. Have risen, written a letter. Will break my fast— cafe croissant—and go a walk with the New Mantra, using my recently invented method of doing Prana— yarna on the march. The weather is again perfect. Breakfast—~eaten Yogin-wise—at an end. The walk begins. The walk over. Kept mantra going well enough. 125
1909 · PDF PAGE 131
… the Book- stall everlasting AMEN. Arrived at Brenner’s studio, and went on with the “ moulage ” of my Asana. Left the Studio; walk with mantra. Mantra-march. Pranayama; quick time. Very brac- ing and fatiguing, both. At Döme to drink a Citron pressé. Reflections have been in my mind upon the grossness of the Theistic conception, as shewn even in such pictures as Raphael’s and Fra Angelico’s. 2 B 129
1909 · PDF PAGE 123
…ior souls; the seventh, the real soul, cannot be eaten by the devourer. How’s that for high? r and sign myself with a Possibly a rousing mantra would fix things up; say the Old Favourite: Aum Tat Sat Aum and give the Hindus a chance. We can but try. So I begin at once. This is past all bearing. Another hour wasted chat- ting to Nina and H The mantra hardly remem- 121
1909 · PDF PAGE 49
…m which is ‘of brilliant gold or smoke colour and has sixteen petals correspond— ing to the sixteen vowel sounds,’ one might make a good mantra of the English vowel sounds, or the Hebrew. ”Curiouser and curiouser!” The Yogis identify the Varana (Ganges) with the Ida-Nadi, the Asi (?) with the Pingala—Nadi, and Benares with the space between them. Like my identification of my throat with the Gate of the cimetiere du Montparnasse. Well, it requires very considerable discrimination and a good sound foundation of knowledge, if one means to get any s…
1909 · PDF PAGE 25
1 1.35. 6.55. 7.0- 7.16. 7.30. 7.50. 8.5. JOHN ST. JOHN And indeed, though I tried to continue the mantra with its high aspiration to know Adonai, I must have slept almost at once. The Third Day Now the day being gloriously broken, I awoke with some weariness, not feeling clean and happy, not burning with love unto my Lord Adonai, though ashamed indeed for that thrice or four times in the night I had been awakened by this loyal body, urging me to rise and meditate—and my weak will bade it be at ease and take its rest—oh, wretched man! slave of …
1909 · PDF PAGE 56
3.6. 3.32. 7-7- 8.10. 8.45. 8.50. 54 THE EQUINOX momentary pause which this causes, some old habitual thought (to-night my mantra) rises up. A case of the Closure followed by the Moving of the Previous Question. Oh Lord! when wilt Thou carry a Motion to Adjourn, nay, to Prorogue, nay! to Dissolve this Parliament? I am not sleepy; yet will I again compose myself, devoting myself to Adonai. Again woke and continued mantra. I ought to have made more of it at 7.7; I went off again to sleep ; the result is that I am rather difficult to wake again. Ho…
1909 · PDF PAGE 24
…k a little water, in case the headache is from hunger. (P.S.—It was so; the food cured it at once.) I now lie down as Hanged Man and say mantra in Visuddhi. I must really note the curious confusion in my mind between the Visuddhi Cakkram and that part of the Boulevard Edgar Quinet which opens on to the cemetery. It seems an identity. In trying to look at the Cakkram, I saw that. Query: What is the connection, which appeared absolute and essential? I had been specially im- pressed by that gate two days ago, with its knot of mourners. Could the s…
1909 · PDF PAGE 96
… go, with this idea, to have a Citron presse; thence to my Secret Restaurant, and dine, always learning the Ritual. I will leave off the mantra, though it is nearly as much part of me as my head by now; and instead repeat over and over again the words of the Ritual so that I can do it in the end with perfect fluency and comprehension. And this time may Adonai build the House! Instead I met Dr. R , who kindly offered to teach me how to obtain astral visions! (P.S.—The tone of this entry wrongs me. I sat patiently and reverently, like a Mela with …
1909 · PDF PAGE 61
…and a citron pressé at the Dome, some little chatter with M—e, Β e, H s, and others. In fact, I’m a lazy unconcentrated hound. I started Mantra again, though ; of course it goes quite easily. Undressed, and the mantra going, and the Will toward Adonai less unapparent. To—day I began ill, full of spiritual pride—look at the records of my early hours! One might have thought me a great master of magic 10fti1y condescending to explain a few elementary truths suited to the capacity of his disciples. The fact is that I am a toad, ugly and venomous, a…
1909 · PDF PAGE 33
…e thinks He can insult me with impunity. Andre, un sandwich l [Beyt Allah, the Mosque at Mecca, means " House of God ”—ED.] I shall stop mantra while I eat, so as to concentrate (a) on the chewing, (b) on defiling the House of God. Not so easy! the damned thing runs on like a prairie fire. Important then to stop it absolutely at will : even the Work itself may become an obsession. I 1 hours with no real break—not bad. The bad part of to-day seems the Asana, and the deadness. Or, perhaps worse, I fail to apprehend the true magical purport of my wo…
1909 · PDF PAGE 27
12.0. 12.10. I 2.20. י12.45 JOHN ST. JOHN The Bath is over. Icontinued the mantra throughout, which much alleviated the torture of massage. But I could not get steady and easy in my Asana or even in the Hanged Man or Shavasana, the “ corpse-position." I think the heat is exciting, and makes me restless. I continue in the cooling-room lying down. I have ordered !2 oysters and coffee and bread and butter. O oysters! be ye unto me strength that I formulate the 12 rays of the Crown of HVA! I conjure ye, and very potently command. Even by Him who ru…
1909 · PDF PAGE 32
… may defile the Holy Place, that the supreme Blasphemy may be spoken by Python in the ears of Isis. I want trouble. I want to say Indra’s mantram till his throne gets red-hot and burns his lotus-buttocks ; I want to pinch little Harpocrates till he fairly yells . . . and I will too! Somehow! I have now got into a sort of smug content, grinning all over like some sleepy Chinese god. No reason for it, Lord knows! I can’t make up my mind whether to starve or sand- wich or gorge the beast St. John. He’s not the least bit hungry, though he’s had noth…
1909 · PDF PAGE 57
… I have made it quite clear that all this time even a momentary cessation of active thought has been accompanied by the rising-up of the mantra. The rhythm, in short, perpetually dominates the brain ; and becomes active on every opportunity. The liquid Moslem mantra is much easier to get on to than is the usual Hindu type with its 1% and n sounds predominating: but it does not shake the brain up so forcibly. Perhaps ’tis none the worse {or that. I think the unconscious training of the brain to an even rhythm better than startlingit into the sam…
1909 · PDF PAGE 30
…in; there is but One thought, though that thought be not yet born—He only is God, and there is none other God than Hel Walking home with mantra; suddenly a spasm of weeping took me as I cried through the manna—" My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?”—and I have to stop and put it down I A good thing; for it calms me. At the Dome, master of myself. The Mantra goes just 30 times a minute, 1800 times an hour, 43,200 times a day. To say it a million times would take longer than Mrs. Glyn’s heroine did to conceive. Yet I will get the result if …
1909 · PDF PAGE 19
…vering mortal the Blessed Immortals are swift . . . What then should happen to a persevering Immortal like myself? Trying meditation and mantra. I find thoughts impossible to concentrate; and my Asana, despite various cowardly attempts to "fudge” it, is {rightfully painful. In Hanged Man posture, meditating and willing the Presence of Adonai by the Ritual “Thee I invoke, the Bornless One " and mental formula. I‘rn hopelessly sleepy! Invocation as bad as bad could lae—attention all over the place. Irrational hallu- cinations, such as avision of e…
1909 · PDF PAGE 43
…n Language. I don’t think very well. Time must show: also experience. I’d recite Tenny- son if I thought it would give Samadhil Now more mantra, though by the Lord I’m getting sick of it. It occurs to me, now that I am seeing my way in the Operation a little more clearly, that one might consider the First Day as Osiris Slain 44, the Second as that of the Mourning of Isis U, the third as that of the Triumph of Apophis V, and to-day that of Osiris Risen X ; these four days being perfect in themselves as a 5°=6° operation (or possibly with one or …