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Page 1 of 31909 · PDF PAGE 135
JOHN STA ]ΟΗΝ 12.17. began as recorded above, to inflame myself in praying, calling upon my Lord ; and I burned in the Lamp that Pantacle which I had made of Him, renouncing the Images, destroying the Images, that Himself might arise in me. And the Chamber was filled with that wondrous glow of ultra-violet light self-luminous, without a source, that hath no counterpart in Nature unless it be in that Dawn of the North. . . . And there were revealed unto me certain Words of Power . . . And I invoked my Lord and recited the Book Ararita at the Altar…
1909 · PDF PAGE 112
…he may discover through what error he is thus betrayed again and again into failure. Failure. Failure. The Temple is closed. Now then, Ο Lord Adonai! Let the Tenth Day be favourable unto 0. Mi For in the struggle he is as nothing worth. Nor valiant, nor fortunate, nor skilful —except Thou fight by his side, cover his breast with Thy shield, second his blows with Thy spear and with Thy sword. Aye! let the Ninth Day close in silence and in dark- ness, and let 0. M. be found watching and waiting and willing Thy Presence. Adonai! Adonai! Ο Lord Adon…
1909 · PDF PAGE 75
…hey are preventing arrows from striking one. In my aspiration to know Adonai, I resemble their Yogis who concentrate on their “ personal Lord "; but at the same time it must be remembered that I am not going to be content with what would content them. In other words, I am going to de ne " the Knowledge and Conversation of my holy Guardian Angel " as equal to Neroda-Samapatti, the trance of Nibbana. I hope I shall be able to live up to this! Have been practising Asana, etc. I forgot one thing in the last entry: I had been reproaching Adonai that…
1909 · PDF PAGE 73
…In chess-blindness one used to abjure the game. I never tried to stick it through ; Iwish Ihad. Anyhow, I have to stick this through I O Lord of the Eye, let thine Eye be ever open upon me! For He that watcheth Israel doth not slumber nor sleep ! Lord Shiva, open Thou the Eye upon me, and consume me altogether in its brilliance! Destroy this Universe! Eat up thine hermit in thy terrible jaws! Dance Thou upon this prostrate saint of Thine! . . . I suffer from thirst . . . it is a thirst of the body . . . yet the thirst of the soul is deeper, and…
1909 · PDF PAGE 136
…e Holy Graal appeared unto me, and many other inexpressible things were known of me. Also I was given to enjoy the subtle Presence of my Lord interiorly during the whole of this twelfth day. Then Ι besought the Lord that He would take me into His presence eternally even now. But He withdrew Himself, for that I must do that which I was sent hither to do; namely, to rule the earth. Therefore with sweetness ineffable He parted from me ; yet leaving acomfort not to be told, aPeace . . . the Peace. And the Light and the Perfume do certainly yet rema…
1909 · PDF PAGE 108
… dead full, shines down the Boulevard. My moon—full moon of my desire! (Ha, ha, thou beast! are “ I and Me and Mine" not dead yet?) Yea, Lord Adonail but the full moon means much to John St. John ; he fears (ῥινῷ, O Lord of theWestern Pylon!) lest, if once that full moon pass, he may not win through. . . . “The harvest is over, the summer is ended, and we are not saved l " Yet hath not Abramelin lashed the folly of limiting the spiritual paths by the motions of the planets? And Zoroaster, in that same oracle just quoted? Hots d’CEuvres, Bouilla…
1909 · PDF PAGE 79
]ΟΗ Ν ST. JOHN 3.35. I have been asleep at good deal——one long dream in which P t, Lord M y of B—n and my wife are all staying with me in my mother‘s house. My room the old room, with one page torn out—for I conceived it as part of a book, somehow! Oh such a lot of this dream! Most of it clearly due to obvious sources—I don’t see where Lord M y comes in. Very likely he is dead. I have had that happen now and again. [P.S.—This was not the case] The dream changed, too, to a liner; where Japanese stole my pipe in a series of adventures of an annoy…
1909 · PDF PAGE 119
…elf in serious trouble of body and mind, the shadows of his soul, that is sick unto death. For “ where are now their gods?” Where is the Lord, the Lord Adonai? The beast feels decidedly better; but whether he is more concentrated one may doubt. Honestly, he is now so blind that he cannot tell! Perhaps a “cafe, cognac, et Cigare” may tune him up to the point of either going back to work, or across Paris to the Hammam. He will make the experiment, reading through his proofs the while. One good thing; the Chittam is moving slowly. The waiters all …
1909 · PDF PAGE 53
…ess beatific state of mind—which is the very devil! the real Calypso, none the less temptress because her name happens to be Penelope. Ah Lord Adonai, my Lord! Grant unto me the Perfume and the Vision; let me attain the desirable harbour; for my little ship is tossed by divers tempests, even by Euroclydon, in the Place where Four Winds meet. Therefore I shall go to rest, letting my mind rest ever in the Will toward Adonai. Let my sleep be toward Him, or annihilation; let my waking be to the music of His name; let the day be full to the uttermost…
1909 · PDF PAGE 72
10.08. ! 0.20. 10.55. 70 THE EQUINOX I must come out of it either an Adept or a maniac. Thank the Lord for that! It saves trouble. Undressed and robed. Will do an Aspiration in the Hanged Man position, hoping to feel rested and fit by midnight. The Incense has arrived from London; and I feel its magical effects most favourable. Ο creature of Incense! I conjure thee by Him that sitteth upon the Holy Throne and liveth and reigneth for ever as the Balance of Righteousness and Truth, that thou comfort and exalt my soul with Thy sweet perfume, that I…
1909 · PDF PAGE 84
…t! All the spiritual experience I have had argues against such a theory. On the contrary, it will leave the reason quite intact, supreme Lord of its own plane. Mixing up the planes is the sad fate of many a mystic. How many do I know in my own experience who tell me that, obedient to the Heavenly Vision, they will shoot no more rabbits l Thus they found a system on trifles, and their Lord and God is some trumpery little elemental masquerad- ing as the Almighty. I remember my Uncle Tom telling me that he was sure God would be displeased to see me…
1909 · PDF PAGE 66
…ing Dervish? I couldn’t get giddy, because my Semi- cireular canals would be at rest. I must really try the experiment. [Scin-Laeca. See Lord Lytton’s ”Strange Story.“—ED.] I will now devote myself to sleep, willing Adonai. Lord Adonai, give me deep rest like death, so that in very few hours I may be awake and active, full of lion- strength of purpose toward Thee! My heroic conduct was nearly worth a “ Nuit Blanche.” For, being so thoroughly awake, I had all my Prana irritated, a feeling like the onset of a malarial attack, twelve hours before …
1909 · PDF PAGE 30
… me and without still stirs that life of sense that is not life, but is as the worms that {east upon my corpse. . . . Adonail Adonai! my Lord Adonai! indeed, Thou hast forsaken me. Nay! thou liest, O weak soul! Abide in the meditation; unite all thy symbols into the form of a Lion, and be lord of thy jungle, travelling through the servile Universe even as Man the Lion very lordly, the Sun in His strength that travelleth over the heaven of Nu in His bark in the mid-career of Day. For all these thoughts are vain; there is but One thought, though …
1909 · PDF PAGE 141
… that dissolved away the soul. Even as a lover that swoons with excess of pleasure at the first kiss of the beloved, even so was I, oh my Lord Adonai ! Wherefore I am come hither to my chamber to enflame myself in praying at the Altar that I have set up. And I am ready, robed, armed, anointed . . . Ardesco ! The Thirteenth Day. It is Eight o’clock in the morning. Being entered into the Silence, let me abide in the Silence! AMEN I39
1909 · PDF PAGE 37
8.0. 8.15. JOHN ST. JOHN Accordingly, I continue in gentle and easy meditation on my Lord Adonai, without fear or violence, quite directly and naturally. One of the matters that came up last night with Dr. R d was that of writing rubbish for magazines. He thought that one could do it in the intervals of serious work ; but I do not think that one should take the risk. I have spent these many years training my mind to think cleanly and express beautifully. Am I to prosti- tute myself for a handful of bread? I swear by Thyself, 0 Thou who art myse…
1909 · PDF PAGE 127
… ” images of a quite base gargoylish type. I suppose I shall have to pentagram them off like a damned neophyte. je m'emmerde| Praise the Lord, I wake l If that can be called waking which is a mere desperate struggle to keep the eyes open. . Pranayama all wrong—very difficult. Rose, washed, drank a few drops of water. (N.B.—To—night have drunk several times, a mouthful at a time; other nights, and days, no. All entries into body recorded duly.) Have done 10 Breath»Cycles ; am quite awake. It will therefore now be lawful again to sleep. Awoke at 7…
1909 · PDF PAGE 131
…. Tlm Confession of SI. judas McCabbagz I believe in Charles Darwin Almighty, maker of Evolution; and in Ernst Haeckel, his only son our Lord Who for us men and for our salvation came down from Germany: who was conceived of Weissmann, born of Buchner, suffered under du Rois-Raymond,was printed, bound, and shelved: who was raised again into English (of sorts),a5cended into the Pantheon of the Literary Guide and sitteth on the right hand of Edward Clodd : whence he shall come to judge the thick in the head. I believe in Charles Watts; the Rationa…
1909 · PDF PAGE 43
…ink very well. Time must show: also experience. I’d recite Tenny- son if I thought it would give Samadhil Now more mantra, though by the Lord I’m getting sick of it. It occurs to me, now that I am seeing my way in the Operation a little more clearly, that one might consider the First Day as Osiris Slain 44, the Second as that of the Mourning of Isis U, the third as that of the Triumph of Apophis V, and to-day that of Osiris Risen X ; these four days being perfect in themselves as a 5°=6° operation (or possibly with one or two more 41
1909 · PDF PAGE 91
…so far, and never so near . . . But the hour approaches. Let me collect myself, and begin the new day in affirmation of my Unity with my Lord Adonai I The Eighth Day Thus the Eighth day, the Second Week, begins. I am in Asana. For some reason or other, Pranayarna is quite easy. Concentrating on Adonai, Iwas in Kam- bhakham for a whole minute without distress. It is true, by the way. I was—and am—in some danger of looking on this Record as a Book; i.e., of emphasising things for their literary effect, and diminishing the importance of others whi…
1909 · PDF PAGE 133
… JOHN ST ]ΟΗΝ Is it not the springtide, and are these not the Arcadian groves ? At home; settling to strictest meditation upon Adonai my Lord; willing His presence, the Perfume and the Vision, even as it is written in the Book of the Sacred Magic of Abramelin the Mage. Soon this became a sleep, though the will was eager and concentrated. The sleep, too, was deep and refreshing. I will go to dinner. Arrived, with mantra, at the Cafe de Versailles. ἑdoz. Marennes, Rable de Lievre, citron presse. I am now able to concentrate OFF the Path for a lit…