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Page 1 of 31909 · PDF PAGE 113
… Trump corresponding to Van is the Hierophant or Initiator—whereby is Ο. Μ. greatly comforted. So poor a thing hath he become! Even as a little child groping feebly for the breast of its mother, so gropeth Thy little child after Thee, O Thou Self—Glittering One ! He hath read through Days VIII. and IX. . . . He is too tired to understand what he reads. He will, despite of all, do a little Pranayama, and then sleep, ever willing Adonai. For Pranayama with its intense physical strain is a great medicine for the mind. Even as the long trail of the…
1909 · PDF PAGE 15
…ts of privations and thoroughly enjoying the idea. Having finished a most enjoyable lunch, will drink coffee and smoke, and try and get a little sleep. Thus to break up sleep into two shifts. A nice sleep. Woke refreshed. Am arrived home, having performed a little business and driven back. Will sit down and do Asana, etc. Have started. 7 Pranayama cycles enough. Doubtless the big lunch is a nuisance. I continue meditating simply. Asana hurts badly, and I can no longer concentrate at all. Must take 5 minutes‘ rest and then persevere. I3
1909 · PDF PAGE 130
… will be proved a conclusive proof of my thesis. I think that every failure will be certainly traceable to my own dam foolishness; every little success to courage, skill, wit, tenacity. IfI had but a little more of these! I further take this opportunityof asserting my Atheism. I believe that all these phenomena are as explicable as the formation of hoar-frost or of glacier tables. I believe “Attainment” to be a simple supreme sane state of the human brain. I do not believe in miracles ; I do not think that God could cause a monkey, clergy- man,…
1909 · PDF PAGE 42
… light. To-day I shall eat neither with the frank gluttony of Isis nor with the severe asceticism of Apophis. I shall eat as much and as little as I fancy; these violent means are no longer necessary. Like Count Fosco, I shall “go on my way sustained by my sublime confidence, self-balanced by my impenetrable calm." I have spent half an hour wandering in the Musée du Luxembourg. I now sit down to meditate on this new ritual. The following, so it appears, should be the outlines— damn it, I’ve a good mind to write it straight off—no! I’ll be patien…
1909 · PDF PAGE 140
…one can never be satisfied Much less, then, satiatedl . Having gone back into the life of the world—yet a world transfiguredI—I did all my little work, my little amusements, all the things that one does, very quietly and beatifically. About 10.30 the rapture began to carry me away; yet I withstood it and went on with my game of Billiards, for politeness’ sake. And even there in the Café du Dome was the glory within me, and I therein; 50 that every time that I failed at a stroke and stood up and drank in that
1909 · PDF PAGE 99
…eating and trembling of the body that heart could desire; but no “ jumping about like a frog” or levitation. A pity ! I shall read for a little in the Yoga-Shastra as a rest. Then for the end of the day and the Beginning of the Ninth Day. Zoroaster (or Pythagoras ?) informs us that the number Nine is sacred, and attains the summit of Philosophy. I’m sure I hope so! I get into Asana . . . and so endeth the Eighth Lesson. The Ninth Day Thus I began this great day, being in my Asana firm and easy, and holding in my breath for a full minute while I …
1909 · PDF PAGE 47
…At home again and robed. Am both tired and oppressed, even in my peace ; for the day has been, and the evening is, close and hot, with a little fog; and, one may suspect, the air is overcharged with electricity. I will rest quietly with my mantra as Hanged Man, and perhaps sleep for a little. . No sleep—no rest for the wicked! ’Tis curious how totally independent is mantra-yoga of reverie. I can say my mantra vigorously while my thought wanders all over the world; yetI cannot write the simplest sentence without stopping it, unless with a very g…
1909 · PDF PAGE 52
…o cannot even make sensible “ considerations ” for a Ritual of Adeptus Major. The only thing to do in short is to go steadily on, with a little extra courage and energy—no harm in that !— on the same old lines. The Winding of the Way must necessarily lead me just where it may happen to go. Why deliberately go off to Geburah? Why not aspire direct by the Path of the Moon—Ray unto the Ineffable Crown? Modesty is misplaced here! Very good. Then how aspire? Who is it that standeth in the Moon-Ray? The Holy Guardian Angel. Aye! Ο my Lord Adonai, Tho…
1909 · PDF PAGE 13
…ith the new month the Operation was duly begun. Oct. 1. The First Day At Eight o’clock I rose from sleep and putting on my Robe, began a little to meditate. For several reasons— the journey and business of the day before, etc. etc., I did not feel fresh. But forcing myself a little I rose II
1909 · PDF PAGE 61
… to real work, for I need daylight to copy my Ritual. A sandwich and two coffees at the Versailles and a citron pressé at the Dome, some little chatter with M—e, Β e, H s, and others. In fact, I’m a lazy unconcentrated hound. I started Mantra again, though ; of course it goes quite easily. Undressed, and the mantra going, and the Will toward Adonai less unapparent. To—day I began ill, full of spiritual pride—look at the records of my early hours! One might have thought me a great master of magic 10fti1y condescending to explain a few elementary…
1909 · PDF PAGE 53
…ifth Day So beginneth the Fifth Day of this great Magical Retirement. With two and twenty breath—cycles did I begin. This practice was a little easier; but not much better. It ought to become quite simple and natural before one devotes the half-minute of Kam- bhakam (breath held-in), when one is rigid to a strong projectionofWill toward Adonai,ashas been mycustom. I hope to-day will be more hard definite magical Work, less discourse, less beatific state of mind—which is the very devil! the real Calypso, none the less temptress because her name ha…
1909 · PDF PAGE 48
…ay under my breath each word as I write it. [P.S.-But I do so, though less possibly, as I read] As I am really awake, I may as well do a little Prana- yama. How little I know of magic and the conditions of success! My 17 cycles of breath were not absolutely easy; yet I did them. After a big dinner!!! The sweating was quite suppressed, in spite of the heat of the night and the exercise ; and the first symptoms of the Bhuchari-Siddhi—the “jumping about like a frog" ——were well marked. I am encouraged to spend a few minutes (still in Asana) reading…
1909 · PDF PAGE 93
… Yogin coffee and sandwich, and return to my illumination of the Ritual. In the desert of my soul, where no herb grows, there is yet one little spring. I am still one—pointed, at least in the lower sense that I have no desire or ambition but this of accomplishing the Great Work. Barren is this soul of mine, in these 3% years of drought (the 3% coils of the Kundalini are implied by this) and this Ekagrata is the little cloud like an hand (Yod, the Lingam of great Shiva). And, though I catch up my robe and run before the chariot of the King into …
1909 · PDF PAGE 83
…Vi Veri Vniversvm Vivvs Vici ] Back home to illuminate my beautiful Ritual. Two pages done and set aside to dry. I think I will go for a little walk and enjoy the beautiful sun. Also to the chemist’s to have my finger attended to. The chemist refused to do anything; and so I did it myself. It is the romantic malady of ingrowing nail; a little abscess had formed. Devilish painful after the clean-up. Will go the walk aforesaid I ought to note how on this day there is a complete absence of all one‘s magical apparatus. The mantra has slowed down to …
1909 · PDF PAGE 35
…es died down; how I found myself quite involuntarily swinging back to the old mantra that I worked all yesterday. However, I shall try a little longer in the Position of the Hanged Man, although sleep is again attacking me. I am weary, yet content, as if some great thing had indeed happened. But if I lost consciousness— a thing no man can be positive about from the nature of things—it must have happened so quietly that I never knew. Certainly I should not have thought that I had gone on for 25 minutes, as I did. But I do indeed ask for a Knowle…
1909 · PDF PAGE 71
… Come where the pots hold more! How I wish I had written them! Having drunk a citron presse and watched the poker game at the Dome for a little, I now return home. I thought to myself, “Let me chuck the whole thing overboard and be sensible, and get a good night’s rest"—and perceived that it would be impossible. I am so far into this Operation that pausing to cast one last glance back O’er the safe road—’twas gone !
1909 · PDF PAGE 43
…ive Samadhil Now more mantra, though by the Lord I’m getting sick of it. It occurs to me, now that I am seeing my way in the Operation a little more clearly, that one might consider the First Day as Osiris Slain 44, the Second as that of the Mourning of Isis U, the third as that of the Triumph of Apophis V, and to-day that of Osiris Risen X ; these four days being perfect in themselves as a 5°=6° operation (or possibly with one or two more 41
1909 · PDF PAGE 9
…ue and obscure, even unto the wisest of the scribes; and I am myself afraid that even here all my skill of speech and study may avail me little, so that the most important part of the record will be blank. Now I cannot tell whether it is a part of my personal Kamma, or whether the Influence of the Equinox of Autumn should be the exciting cause; but it has usually been at this part of the year that my best Results have occurred. It may be that the physical health induced by the summer in me, who dislike damp and chill, may bring forth as it were …
1909 · PDF PAGE 49
…y considerable discrimination and a good sound foundation of knowledge, if one means to get any sense at all out of these Hindu books. A little Pranayama, I think. Can’t get steady and easy at all! Will try Hanged Man again. Not much good. The mantra goes on, but without getting hold of the Cakkrarn. ’Tis difficult to explain ; the best simile I can get is that of a motor running with the clutch out; or of a man cycling on a susPended machine. There's no grip to it. 47
1909 · PDF PAGE 128
…now make a pantacle to aid the said faculty of concentration. The Voice 01 the Nadi (by the way) is resoundingwell, and the Chittam is a little better under control. Have worked well on the Pantacle, thinking of Adonai. Of course we are now reduced to a “low anthropo- morphic conception ”—but what odds ? Once the Right Thought comes it will transcend any and all conceptions. The objection is as silly as the objection to illustrating Geometry by Diagrams, on the ground that printed lines are thick—and so on. This is the imbecility of the “ Prote…