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Page 1 of 11909 · PDF PAGE 58
…e process. All this I am writing during breakfast. My devotees may note, by the way, how the desire to sleep is breaking up. Night I. 7% hours, unbroken from 12.30. ,, II. 7 hours nearly, with dreams. ,, III. 8 hours nearly; but woke three or {our times, and if I had not been a worm would have scattered it like chaff I ,, IV. δὲhours ; and I wake fresh. ,, V. I%+4§+ I hour; and real good work done in the intervals. [P.S. ,, VI. Probably 4 hours. ,, VII. 2+2+§ hours. ,, VIII. 6 hours much broken. ,, IX. 112—4-2—0-2 hours. ,, X. 4+ 1}; hours. ,, …
1909 · PDF PAGE 61
9. 50. 11.30. 11.50. 125. JOHN ST. JOHN time. Say three and a half hours! Well, if it doesn’t count as Tapas, and Jap, and Yama, and Niyama, and all the rest of it, allI can say is that Ithink They don’t play fair. Iwill now go and get something to eat, and (God willing) on my return settle down to real work, for I need daylight to copy my Ritual. A sandwich and two coffees at the Versailles and a citron pressé at the Dome, some little chatter with M—e, Β e, H s, and others. In fact, I’m a lazy unconcentrated hound. I started Mantra again, thou…
1909 · PDF PAGE 109
…ol being impaired; and the Ego is springing up again. This racing of the Chittam is simply shocking. John St. John must stop it somehow. Hours and hours seem to have passed since the last entry. !!! He is in such a deuce of a hurry that (in a lucid moment) he finds himself trying to eat bread, radish, beef and potato at a mouthful. Worse, the beast is pleased and excited at the novelty of the sensation, and takes delight in recording it. Beast! Beast! !! 1! After myriads of aeons. He has drunk only about one third of his half-bottle of light whi…
1909 · PDF PAGE 66
… ”Strange Story.“—ED.] I will now devote myself to sleep, willing Adonai. Lord Adonai, give me deep rest like death, so that in very few hours I may be awake and active, full of lion- strength of purpose toward Thee! My heroic conduct was nearly worth a “ Nuit Blanche.” For, being so thoroughly awake, I had all my Prana irritated, a feeling like the onset of a malarial attack, twelve hours before the temperature rises. I dare say it was after 3 o’clock when I slept ; I woke too, several times, and ought to have risen and done Prana Yama: but I …
1909 · PDF PAGE 108
… of the over-driven slave "Adonai, ply Thou thy scourge! Adonai, load Thou the chain l” What the devil is the matter with the time ? The hours flit just like butterflies—the moon, dead full, shines down the Boulevard. My moon—full moon of my desire! (Ha, ha, thou beast! are “ I and Me and Mine" not dead yet?) Yea, Lord Adonail but the full moon means much to John St. John ; he fears (ῥινῷ, O Lord of theWestern Pylon!) lest, if once that full moon pass, he may not win through. . . . “The harvest is over, the summer is ended, and we are not saved l…
1909 · PDF PAGE 18
THE EQUINOX 10.50. some bread and Camembert, and a little milk. After- wards a cup of coffee, and then two hours of the Vajroli Mudra badly performed. All this I did with reluctance, as an act of self-denial or asceticisrn, lest my desire to concentrate on the mystic path should run away with me. Therefore I think it may fairly be counted unto me for righteousness. I now drink a final coffee and retire, to do I hope a more straightforward type of meditation. So mote it be. Naked, Maryt looks like Corregio’s Antiope. Her eyes are a strange grey, …
1909 · PDF PAGE 31
… sake ” as it were). I drink a “Citron pressé.” Alas! here comes Maryt (with a sad tale of X. It appears that she fainted and spent some hours at the hospital. I should have insisted on her staying with me; the symptoms began immediately on her drinking some coffee. I have noticed with myself, that eating has started the action). An hour of mingled nap and mantra. I now feel alive again. It was very strange how calm and balanced I was: yet now I am again energised; may it be to the point of Enthusiasml People will most assuredly smile at this e…
1909 · PDF PAGE 33
…amned thing runs on like a prairie fire. Important then to stop it absolutely at will : even the Work itself may become an obsession. I 1 hours with no real break—not bad. The bad part of to-day seems the Asana, and the deadness. Or, perhaps worse, I fail to apprehend the true magical purport of my work: hence all sort of aimless formulae, leading—naturallyenough—to no result. It just strikes me—it may be this Isis Apophis Osiris IAO formula that I have preached so often. Certainly the first two days were Isis—natural, pleasant, easy events. Most…
1909 · PDF PAGE 93
…is is a very striking result of forging this magic chain; for in my normal life I am one of the soundest sleepers imaginable. Nine solid hours without turning once is my irreducible minimum. Having done an hour’s illumination of the New Ritual, will go and break my fast with coffee and a brioche, and thence proceed to Michael Brenner’s studio. I have spent the morning in modelling Siddhasana— a more difficult task than appeared. Rather like THE taskl But I went on with the mantra, and made some Re- flections upon Kamma. I will now have a Yogin co…
1909 · PDF PAGE 22
…e distaste for everythingbut Adonai became stronger and stronger. But when I returned from a visit to B e on an errand of comradeship—b; hours’ talk to cut out of this mantra-yoga—I found all sorts of people at the Dome, where I drank a Citron presse: they detained me in talk, and at 6.30 Maryt turned up and I had to chew a sandwich and drink coffee while she dined. I feel a little headache; it will pass. She is up here now with me, but I shall try to meditate. Charming as she is, I don't want to make love to her. Mixed mantra and caresses rath…
1909 · PDF PAGE 121
…This is the good Karma of his ten years’ constant striving. Well, in the upshot, he will get back to Work at once, and hope that his few hours in the world may prove a true strategic movement to the rear, and not a euphemism for rout! There are further serious considerations to be made concerning Adonai. This title for the Unknown Thought was adopted by Ο. Μ. in November, 19--͵ in Upper Burma, on the occasion of his passing through the ordeal and receiving the grade which should be really attributed to Daath (on account of its nature, the 119
1909 · PDF PAGE 86
…l citron pressé and to avoid the Visconti. Am returned, and in bed. I shall try and sleep now, waking in time for midnight and the quiet hours. I have endured the supreme temptation and assault of the Enemy. In this wise. First, I found that I did not want sleep—I couldn’t stop “Waiting." Next, I said ”Since last night that Black Ritual (see entry 10.55) did at least serve to turn all my thoughts to the One Thought, I will try it again . . .“ Then I said: “No; to do so is not pure ‘waiting.’ ” And then—as by a flash of lightning—the Abyss of the…
1909 · PDF PAGE 70
… for supposing that Jesus Christ was a Brother of the Left—Hand Path. Now my body has been treating me well, waking nicely at convenient hours, sleeping at suitable times, keeping itself to itself . . . an admirable body. Then why shouldn’t I take it out and give it the best dinner Lavenue can serve? . . . Provided that it doesn’t stop saying that mantra! It would be so easy to trick myself into the belief that I had attained! It would be so easy to starve myself until there was " visions about”! It would be so easy to write a sun-splendid tale…
1909 · PDF PAGE 11
…plan, desperation kindling a store of fuel dried by long neglect, deSpair inflaming a mad energy that would blaze with violence for a few hours and then go out—and nothing done. “Not hurling, according to the oracle, a transcendent foot towards Piety." Quite slowly and simply therefore did I wash myself and robe myself as laid down in the Goetia, taking the Violet Robe of an Exempt Adept (being a single Garment), wearing the Ring of an Exempt Adept, and that Secret Ring which hath been entrusted to my keeping by the Masters, Also I took the Almo…