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Page 1 of 21909 · PDF PAGE 117
9.17. 9-45- ΙΟ.ΙΟ. IO.20. JOHN ST. JOHN And to Thee, and from Thee, Ο thou great god Destiny, there is no appeal. Thou turnest not one hair’s breadth from Thy path appointed. That which ”John St. John" means (else is it a blank name) is that which he must be—and what is that? The issue is with Thee—cannot one wait with fortitude, whether it be for the King’s Banqueting-House or for the Headsman and the Block? Breakfast—croissant, sandwich, 2 coffees. Concen- trating !?#”the Work as well as possible. Arrived at Brenner’s studio. The rest has pro…
1909 · PDF PAGE 61
…d Adonai less unapparent. To—day I began ill, full of spiritual pride—look at the records of my early hours! One might have thought me a great master of magic 10fti1y condescending to explain a few elementary truths suited to the capacity of his disciples. The fact is that I am a toad, ugly and venomous, and HI do wear a precious jewel in my hand, that jewel is Adonai, and—well, come to think of it, I am Adonai. But St. John is not Adonai ; and St. John had better do a little humiliation to-morrow. Nothing being more humiliating than Prana Yama…
1909 · PDF PAGE 97
JOHN ST. JOHN 8.40. Adonai. It is near the night of the Full Moon ; in my life the Full Moon hath ever been of great augury. But to—night I am too poor in spirit to hope. Lol I was travelling on the paths of Lamed and of Mem, of Justice and the Hanged Man, and I fell into both the pitfalls thereof. Instead of the Great Balance firmly held, I found only Libra, the house of Venus and of the exaltation of Saturn ; and these evil planets, smiling and frowning, overcame me. And so for the sublime Path of Mem ; instead of that symbol of the Adept, his…
1909 · PDF PAGE 9
PROLOGUE IT hath appeared unto me fitting to make a careful and even an elaborate record of this Great Magical Retirement, for that in the first place I am now certain of obtaining some Result therefrom, as I was never previously certain. Previous records of mine have therefore seemed vague and obscure, even unto the wisest of the scribes; and I am myself afraid that even here all my skill of speech and study may avail me little, so that the most important part of the record will be blank. Now I cannot tell whether it is a part of my personal Kam…
1909 · PDF PAGE 91
11.37. 11.54. 12.3. JOHN ST. JOHN attaching myself to all this great concourse of ideas that I have here recorded, instead of remaining fixed in the single stronghold of Unity with Myself. And so this great day draws to its end. These are indeed the Qliphoth, the Qliphoth of Kether, the Thaumiel, twin giant heads that hate and tear each other. For the horror and darkness have been unbelievable; yet again, the light and brilliance have been almost in- supportable. I was never so far, and never so near . . . But the hour approaches. Let me collect…
1909 · PDF PAGE 12
…nointing Oil of Abramelin the Mage. I began then quite casually by performing the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram, finding to my great joy and some surprise that the Pentagrams instantly formulated themselves, visible to the material eye as it were bars of shining blackness deeper than the night. I then consecrated myself to the Operation; cutting the Tonsure upon my head, a circle, as it were to admit the light of infinity: and cutting the cross of blood upon my breast, thus symbolising the equilibration of and the slaying of the body, …
1909 · PDF PAGE 113
…f the evidence, carefully considered, one would pronounce for the mystic theory.) One should add a curious omen. On sitting down for the great struggle (11.14) John St. John found a nail upon the floor, at his feet. Now a nail is Vau in Hebrew, and the Tarot Trump corresponding to Van is the Hierophant or Initiator—whereby is Ο. Μ. greatly comforted. So poor a thing hath he become! Even as a little child groping feebly for the breast of its mother, so gropeth Thy little child after Thee, O Thou Self—Glittering One ! He hath read through Days VII…
1909 · PDF PAGE 111
…f him, the plans of him, worry about the Record and the Ritual and—- O! everything l—then, too, the thoughts which are closer yet to the great Enemy, the sense of separate- ness ; that sense itself at last—~50 O. M. withdrew from the conflict for a moment so that the duty of this Record done might leave him free for the fight. It may have been a snare—~may the Lord Adonai keep him in the Path. Adonai! Adonai! (P.S.—Add that the “ultra-violet” or “astral” light in the room was such that it seemed bright as daylight. He hath never seen the like, ev…
1909 · PDF PAGE 34
…f magick Art. Having got rid of Maryt (who, by the way, is Quite mad), and thereby (one might hope) of Apophis and Typhon, I perform the Great Ritual DCLXXI with good results magically; i.e., I formulated things very easily and forcibly; even at one time I got a hint of the Glory of Adonai. But I made the absurd mistake of going through the Ritual as if I was rehearsing it, instead of staying at the Reception of the Candidate and insisting upon being really received. I will therefore now (11.50) sit down again and invoke reallyhardon these same…
1909 · PDF PAGE 92
…y case. In short, like the hashish-drunkard in full blast, I am overwhelmed by the multitude of my own magical Images. I have become the great Magician—Mayan, the Maker of Illusion——the Lord of the Brethren of the Left—hand Path. I don’t “wear my iniquity as an aureole, deathless in Spiritual Evil," as Mr. Waite thinks; but it’s nearly as bad as that. There seems only one reply to this great question of the Hunchback (I like to symbolise the spirit of Questioning by “ב-"?? little crooked thing that asks questions) and that is to keep on affirmin…
1909 · PDF PAGE 93
…t one little spring. I am still one—pointed, at least in the lower sense that I have no desire or ambition but this of accomplishing the Great Work. Barren is this soul of mine, in these 3% years of drought (the 3% coils of the Kundalini are implied by this) and this Ekagrata is the little cloud like an hand (Yod, the Lingam of great Shiva). And, though I catch up my robe and run before the chariot of the King into Jezreel, it may be 9}
1909 · PDF PAGE 39
…ramid, therefore, four ordeals are required 01 him. So, bound and blinded, he stumbles forward, and passes through the wrath of the Four Great Princes of the Evil of the World, whose Terror is about him on every side, Yet since he has followed the voice of the Officer who has prepared him, in this part 01 the Ritual no longer merely Nature, the great Mother, but Neschamah (his aspiration) and the representative of Adonai, he may pass through all. Yea, in spite of the menace 01 the Hiereus, whose function is now that of his fear and of his courag…
1909 · PDF PAGE 10
…October (lg—); first parted from . . . ἱῃOctober (lg—); wrote the B.-i—M. in October (lg—), and obtained the grade of 7°=4°; received the great Initiation in October 19—; and, continuing, received ........ in October 19—. So then in the last days of September 19— do I begin to collect and direct my thoughts; gently, subtly, persistently turning them one and all to the question of retreat and com- munion with that which I have agreed to call the Holy Guardian Angel, whose Knowledge and Conversation I have willed, and in greater or less measure en…
1909 · PDF PAGE 139
…ed, a private garden to walk in . . . and so on. But at least it is useful and important to know that things can be done at a pinch in a great city and a small room. The lunch is good ; the kidneys were well cooked; the tarte aux {raises was excellent; the Burgundy came straight from the Vat of Bacchus. The Coffee and Cognac are beyond all praise; the cigar is the best Cabana I ever smoked. Ι37
1909 · PDF PAGE 38
…ntheon, to breakfast on coffeeand brioche 36 and a peach. I shall try and describe Ritual DCLXXI ; since its nature is important to this great ceremony of initiation. Those who understand a little about the Path of the Wise may receive some hint of the method of operation of the L.V.X. And I think that a description will help me to collect myself for the proper adaptation of this Ritual to the purpose of Self-initiation. Oh, how soft is the air, and how serene the sky, to one who has passed through the black rule of Apophis! How infinitely music…
1909 · PDF PAGE 124
…very bad form of uncontrolled thought. I was on the edge 01 sleep; it woke me. The fact is, all is over! I am done! I have tried for the Great Initiation and I have failed; I am swept away into strange hells. Lord Adonai! let the fires be informing; let them “ balance, assain, assoil." I suppose this rash attempt will end in Locomotor Ataxia or G. P. I.
1909 · PDF PAGE 103
…tters and doing one or two necessary things. He orders Epinards, Tarte aux Praises, Glace au Café, and % Evian. The distaste for food is great; and for meat amounts to loathing. The weather is exceedingly hot; it may be arranged thus by Adonai to enable John St. John to meditate in comfort. For he is vowed solemnly “to interpret every phenomenon as a particular dealing of God with his soul.” During lunch he will go on correcting his proofs. Lunch over, and the proofs read through. He will make a few decorations further in his Ritual, and perhap…
1909 · PDF PAGE 114
…lts, he hath re- nounced them and esteemeth them as dross. . . . This is right, John St. Johnl yet how is it that there is place for the great hunchbacked devil to whisper in thine ear the doubt: Is there in truth any mystic path at all? Is it all disappointmentand illusion ? And the “Poor Thing " John St. John moves off
1909 · PDF PAGE 101
…very well ”—and thou hast written “ I ! " Oswine, John St. John! When wilt thou learn that the least stirring of thy smug content is the great Fall from the Plath ?[ It will be best to get up and do some kind of work; for the beast would sleep. John St John has arisen, after doing 20 breath- cycles, reciting internally the ritual, 70 per cent. of which he now knows by heart. To the Dome—a cafe-croissant. Some proofs to cor- rect during the meal. Having walked over to the studio reciting the Ritual (925—9.55 approximately), John St. John got int…
1909 · PDF PAGE 75
… vain. . . . I got the reply, “ The Seventh Day shall be the Sabbath of the Lord thy God.” So mote it be! T/æ Seven/ll Day. I began this great day with Eight breath—cycles; was stopped by the indigestion trouble in its other form. (P.S.—Evidently the introduction of the Cascara into my sensitive aura made its action instantaneous.) My breathing passages were none too clear, either ; I have evidently taken a chill. Now, O my Lord Adonai, thou Self-Glittering One, wilt Thou not manifest unto Thy chosen one? For see 73