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Page 1 of 11909 · PDF PAGE 70
…dn’t I take it out and give it the best dinner Lavenue can serve? . . . Provided that it doesn’t stop saying that mantra! It would be so easy to trick myself into the belief that I had attained! It would be so easy to starve myself until there was " visions about”! It would be so easy to write a sun-splendid tale of Adonai my Lord and my lover, so as to convince the world and myself that I had found Him! With my poetic genius, could I not outwrite St. f—John (my namesake) and Mrs. Dr. Anna Bonus Kingsford? Yea, I could deceive myself if I did n…
1909 · PDF PAGE 33
… " House of God ”—ED.] I shall stop mantra while I eat, so as to concentrate (a) on the chewing, (b) on defiling the House of God. Not so easy! the damned thing runs on like a prairie fire. Important then to stop it absolutely at will : even the Work itself may become an obsession. I 1 hours with no real break—not bad. The bad part of to-day seems the Asana, and the deadness. Or, perhaps worse, I fail to apprehend the true magical purport of my work: hence all sort of aimless formulae, leading—naturallyenough—to no result. It just strikes me—it m…
1909 · PDF PAGE 49
…oundation of knowledge, if one means to get any sense at all out of these Hindu books. A little Pranayama, I think. Can’t get steady and easy at all! Will try Hanged Man again. Not much good. The mantra goes on, but without getting hold of the Cakkrarn. ’Tis difficult to explain ; the best simile I can get is that of a motor running with the clutch out; or of a man cycling on a susPended machine. There's no grip to it. 47
1909 · PDF PAGE 91
… Lord Adonai I The Eighth Day Thus the Eighth day, the Second Week, begins. I am in Asana. For some reason or other, Pranayarna is quite easy. Concentrating on Adonai, Iwas in Kam- bhakham for a whole minute without distress. It is true, by the way. I was—and am—in some danger of looking on this Record as a Book; i.e., of emphasising things for their literary effect, and diminishing the importance of others which lend them- selves less obviously. But the answer to this, friend Satan] is that the Canon of Art is Truth, and the Canon of Magic is …
1909 · PDF PAGE 81
…ant; hence a fruitful source of error. Should I obtain any good result, Limight say “ You were starved " or “You were drunk." It is very easy to get visions of sorts by either process, and to delude oneself into the idea that one has attained, mistaking the Qliphoth for Kether. 2. In keeping the vow “I will interpret every phenomenon as aparticular dealing of God with my soul " the mere animal actions are the most resistant. One cannot see the nature of the phenomenon; it seems so un- important; one is inclined to despise it. Hence I enter it i…
1909 · PDF PAGE 138
…n the subtle brilliance flowed through me. The consciousness again died and was reborn as the divine, always without shock or stress. How easy is magic, once the way is found! How still is the soul! The turbid spate of emotion has ceased; the heavy particles of thought have sunk
1909 · PDF PAGE 59
JOHN ST. JOHN 11.30. Have been walks with the mantra arranging for and 2.0. modelling a “saddle” whereby to get Asana really steady and easy ; also {or some photographs illustrating some of the more absurd positions, for the instruction of my devotees. I must now copy out the new Ritual. This, you will readily perceive, is all wrong. Theoreti- cally, everything should be ready by the beginning of the Operation; and one should simply do it and be done with it. But this is a very shallow view. One never knows what may be required; i.e., a beginne…
1909 · PDF PAGE 114
… through with it, five more to wash and write this up. And he has a million excuses for not doing Pranayama. 15 Breath-cycles, steady and easy enough. The brain is cool and lucid; but no energy is in it. At least no Sammavayamo, And at present the Superscription on John St. John’s Cross is FAILURE. Marvellous and manifold as are his results, he hath re- nounced them and esteemeth them as dross. . . . This is right, John St. Johnl yet how is it that there is place for the great hunchbacked devil to whisper in thine ear the doubt: Is there in trut…
1909 · PDF PAGE 118
…a simple practice, the holdingof the mind to a single imagined object; in this case the Triangle surmounted by the Cross. It seems quite easy to do nowadays; why shouldn’t it lead to The Result? It used to be supposed to do so. Might be worth trying anyway; things can hardly be worse than they are. Or, one might go over to the Hammam, and have a long bath and sleep—but who can tell whether it would refresh, or merely destroy the whole edifice built up so laboriously in these ten days? At Pantheon. ἑdozen Marennes, Rognons Brochette, Lait chaud.
1909 · PDF PAGE 18
…m mastery of Body— sat down at 11.49 and ended the day with 10 Prana- yamas, which caused me to perspire freely, but were not altogether easy or satisfactory. 16
1909 · PDF PAGE 54
…minutes to do that little in!) And look at the handwriting! How excellent is Prana Yama, a comfort to the soul! I did thirty-two cycles, easy and pleasant; could have gone on indefinitely. The muscles went rigid, prac— tically of their own accord; so light did I feel that I almost thought myself to be “that wise one ” who “can balance himself on his thumb.” Sleep is con- quered right away from the word “jump.” Indeed, if Satan trembles when he sees The weakest saint upon his knees ; then surely : Satan flees, exclaiming “ Damn !" When any saint s…
1909 · PDF PAGE 99
… I hope so! I get into Asana . . . and so endeth the Eighth Lesson. The Ninth Day Thus I began this great day, being in my Asana firm and easy, and holding in my breath for a full minute while I threw my will with all my might towards Adonai. Have settled myself for the night. Will continue a little, learning the Ritual. Ζ 97
1909 · PDF PAGE 51
…HN 10.42. though, with a little scourging, torturing, and branding by fire. . . . Anything for a quiet life! But scourging oneself is not easy with a robe on; and though one could take it off, there is this point to be considered : that one can never (except by a regrettable accident) hurt oneself more than one wants to. In other words, it is impossible thus to inflict pain, and so flagellants have been rightly condemned as mere volup- tuaries. The only way to do so would be to inflict some torture whose severity one could not gauge at the time: e.…
1909 · PDF PAGE 48
…ay as well do a little Prana- yama. How little I know of magic and the conditions of success! My 17 cycles of breath were not absolutely easy; yet I did them. After a big dinner!!! The sweating was quite suppressed, in spite of the heat of the night and the exercise ; and the first symptoms of the Bhuchari-Siddhi—the “jumping about like a frog" ——were well marked. I am encouraged to spend a few minutes (still in Asana) reading the Shiva Sanhita. Asana very painful again. True, I was doing it very strictly. I notice they give a second stage—tremb…
1909 · PDF PAGE 74
…ll now try the Hanged Man again. Very Vigorous and good, my willing of Adonai. . . . I should like to explain the difficulty. It would be easy enough to form a magical Image of Adonai; and He would doubtless inform it. But it would only be an Image. This. may be the meaning of the command- ment “Thou shalt not make any graven image,” etc., just as “ Thou shalt not have any other Gods but me" implies single-minded devotion (Ekagrata) to Adonai. So any mental or magical Image must necessarily fall short of the Truth. Consequently one has to will t…
1909 · PDF PAGE 27
…T. JOHN The Bath is over. Icontinued the mantra throughout, which much alleviated the torture of massage. But I could not get steady and easy in my Asana or even in the Hanged Man or Shavasana, the “ corpse-position." I think the heat is exciting, and makes me restless. I continue in the cooling-room lying down. I have ordered !2 oysters and coffee and bread and butter. O oysters! be ye unto me strength that I formulate the 12 rays of the Crown of HVA! I conjure ye, and very potently command. Even by Him who ruleth Life from the Throne of Tahut…
1909 · PDF PAGE 121
…he engorgement of the stomach with too much food than like the head- ache after a bout of drunkenness. A less grave fault, by far; it is easy and absurd to get a kind of hysterical ecstasy over religion, love, or Wine. A German will take off his hat and dance and jodel to the sunrise—and nothing comes of it! Darwin studies Nature with more reverence and enthusiasm, but without antics—and out comes the Law of Evolution. 50 it is written “ By their fruits ye shall know them" But about this question of spiritual overfeeding—what did Darwin do when…
1909 · PDF PAGE 85
…o me that this Waiting and Watching is the supreme Magical strain. Every slight sound or other impression shocks one tremendously. It is easy enough to shut out sounds and such when one is concentrating in active magic: I did all my early evocations in Chancery Lane. But now one is deliberately opening all the avenues of sense to admit Adonail One has destroyed one’s own Magic Circle. The whole of that great Building is thrown down. . . Therefore I am in a worse hole than] ever was before— and I‘ve onlyjust realised it. A footfallon the pavemen…
1909 · PDF PAGE 37
8.0. 8.15. JOHN ST. JOHN Accordingly, I continue in gentle and easy meditation on my Lord Adonai, without fear or violence, quite directly and naturally. One of the matters that came up last night with Dr. R d was that of writing rubbish for magazines. He thought that one could do it in the intervals of serious work ; but I do not think that one should take the risk. I have spent these many years training my mind to think cleanly and express beautifully. Am I to prosti- tute myself for a handful of bread? I swear by Thyself, 0 Thou who art myse…
1909 · PDF PAGE 97
…hold (P.S.-—~This name is a bad one. Dweller beside [he Pylon is a better term ; for he is not in the straight path, which is simple and easy and open. He is never “ overcome ” ; to meet him is the proof of having strayed. The Key fits the Door perfectly ; but he who is drunken on the bad wine of Sense and Thought fumbles thereat. And of course there is a great deal of door, and very little key-hole), who dost use my very love of Adonai to destroy me! Yet how shall I approach Him, if not with reverent 95