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Page 1 of 21909 · PDF PAGE 44
…L.V.X. Lux, the Light of the Cross). 1.55. 3-55- 42 Thence one might proceed to some symbolic passage through the 6“: 5° grade—though of course that grade is really symbolic of this soul—journey, not vire versui— and through 7°=4° ; so perhaps—-if one could only dare to hope it !—to the 8°=3° attainment Certainly what little I have done so far pertains no higher than Minor adeptship, though I have used higher formula: in the course of my working. My Prana is acting in a feverish manner ; a mixture of fatigue and energy. This is not good: it pro…
1909 · PDF PAGE 122
… act as hitherto, and aspire simply and directly, as one person'to another, careless of the critical objec- tions (quite insuperable, of course) to this or any other conception. For as this experience transcends reason, it is fruitless to argue about it. Adonai, I invoke Thee! Simpler, then, to go back to the Egoistic diction, only remembering always that by “I” is meant John St. John, or O. M., or Adonai according to the context. Have read some of THE Books to induct myself again into the Work. Therefore will I kindle the holy Incense, and tur…
1909 · PDF PAGE 58
…ting the magic wand with a single blow of the magic knife, etc. etc. etc., we can regard the Western system as the essential one. Yet of course Pranayama, for one thing, has its own definite magical effect, apart from teaching the practitioner that he must last out those three seconds—those deadly long last three seconds—even if he burst in the process. All this I am writing during breakfast. My devotees may note, by the way, how the desire to sleep is breaking up. Night I. 7% hours, unbroken from 12.30. ,, II. 7 hours nearly, with dreams. ,, II…
1909 · PDF PAGE 45
…that in a wider sense than that of Suffering. The Ritual DCLXXI will still be applicable: indeed, it may be considered sufficient; but of course it must be lived as well as per- formed. (1 must here complain of serious trouble with fountain pens, and the waste of priceless time fixing them up. They have been wrong throughout the whole operation, a thing that has not happened to me for near eight years. I hope I’ve got a good one at last—yes, thank God ! this one writes decently.) 43
1909 · PDF PAGE 128
…y the way) is resoundingwell, and the Chittam is a little better under control. Have worked well on the Pantacle, thinking of Adonai. Of course we are now reduced to a “low anthropo- morphic conception ”—but what odds ? Once the Right Thought comes it will transcend any and all conceptions. The objection is as silly as the objection to illustrating Geometry by Diagrams, on the ground that printed lines are thick—and so on. This is the imbecility of the “ Protestant " objection to images. What fools these mortals be! The Greeks, too, after exhau…
1909 · PDF PAGE 100
…shineth in darkness. John St. John is again very sleepy. He will try and concentrate on Adonai without doing Pranayama——— much harder of course. It is a supreme effort to keep both eyes open together.
1909 · PDF PAGE 138
… me, now, it appears from the very start a simple direct progress in one straight line. I can hardly remember that there were checks. Of course my rational memory picking out details finds otherwise. But I seem to have two memories almost as if belonging to two strata of being. In Qabalastic language, my native consciousness is now Neschamah, not Ruach or Nephesch. . . . I really cannot write more. This writing is a descent into Ruach, and I want to abide where I am. At 10.0 arrived at Brenner’s studio, and took the pose, At once, automatically,…
1909 · PDF PAGE 104
…eding hot, and he has had little One ought to remark that all this sleep is full of extravagant dreams ; rarely irrational and never (of course) unpleasant, or one would be up and working with a circle every night. But O.M. thinks that they show an excited and unbalanced condition of John St. John‘s brain, though he is almost too cowed to express an opinion at all, even were the question, Is grass green ? Every small snatch of sleep, without exception, in the last three or {our days, has these images. The ideal condition seems likely to be perf…
1909 · PDF PAGE 135
…add this book Ararita at the end of the Manuscript. [This has not been permitted. The Book Ararita will be issued by the Α.“. Α:. in due course—En] I also demanded of mine Angel the Writing upon the Lamen of Silver; 21 Writing of the veritable Elixir and supernal Dew. And it was granted unto me. Then subtly, easily, simply, imperceptibly gliding, I passed away into nothing. And I was wrapped in the black brilliance of my Lord, that interpenetrated me in every part, fusing its light with my darkness, and leaving there no darkness, but pure light…
1909 · PDF PAGE 75
11.30. 11.55. 12.17. JOHN ST. JOHN This is of course (nearly enough) another way of expressing the Hindu Meditation whose method is to kill all thoughts as they arise in the mind. The difference is that I am aiming at a target, while they are preventing arrows from striking one. In my aspiration to know Adonai, I resemble their Yogis who concentrate on their “ personal Lord "; but at the same time it must be remembered that I am not going to be content with what would content them. In other words, I am going to de ne " the Knowledge and Convers…
1909 · PDF PAGE 106
…down, yet under the tiny storm-sail 01 his Will to Adonai, the crazy bark holds way, steered by the car of Discipline— Yea, he holds his course. Adonail Adonai! is not the harbour yet in sight? He has returned home and burnt (as every night since its arrival) the holy incense of Abramelin the Mage. The atmosphere is full of vitality, sweetened and strengthened; the soul naturally and simply turns to the holy task with vigour and confidence; the black demons of doubt and despair flee away; one respires already a foretaste of the Perfume, and obtai…
1909 · PDF PAGE 55
…ousness that one has no knowledge of the links, each one having been automatically slaughtered on the threshold of the consciousness. Of course, the honest and wary practitioner will have no difficulty in recognising the right kind of wandering; with this explanation there is no excuse for him if he does. I have another theory, though. Perhaps this is not a wandering at all, but a complete annihilation of all thought. Affirming Adonai, I lop off the heads of all others; and Adonai’s own head falls. But in the 53
1909 · PDF PAGE 64
י12.45 1.10. 62 THE EQUINOX course this thought acts through the will and the apparatus of nerves and muscles. But might not a sudden fear cause the heart to stop? I think cases are on record. But all this is unknown ground, or, as Frank Harris would say, Unpath'd Waters. We are getting dangerously near “mental arsenic ” and " all—god— good—bones—truth—lights—liver—mind—blessing —heart——-one and not of a series—ante and pass the buck." The common sense of the practical man of the world is good enough {or me! Will G. R. S. Mead or somebody wise …
1909 · PDF PAGE 105
…nt forces, so enormous as to be (once they were loose) quite out of proportion to all human wit or courage or address—and he held on his course, humbly, 103
1909 · PDF PAGE 61
… Dome, some little chatter with M—e, Β e, H s, and others. In fact, I’m a lazy unconcentrated hound. I started Mantra again, though ; of course it goes quite easily. Undressed, and the mantra going, and the Will toward Adonai less unapparent. To—day I began ill, full of spiritual pride—look at the records of my early hours! One might have thought me a great master of magic 10fti1y condescending to explain a few elementary truths suited to the capacity of his disciples. The fact is that I am a toad, ugly and venomous, and HI do wear a precious j…
1909 · PDF PAGE 63
…st spiritual work ; for that Work extends from Malkuth to Kether. Here is the great value of the rationalistic Eastern systems. [P.S. Of course scientifically worked with pencil, note-book, and stop-watch. The Yogi is usually in practice just as vague a dreamer as the mystic] They keep one always balanced by common sense. One might go off on lines of pleasing illusion for years, until one was lost on the ”Astral Plane.” All this, observe, is very meaningless, very vague at the best. What is the Astral Plane? Is there such a thing? How do its pha…
1909 · PDF PAGE 73
…uth, because only that is evil (in one sense) which does not lead to Adonai. (In another sense, all is evil which is not Adonai.) And of course I had the insane idea that this ritual would serve to stimulatemy devotion. For the information of the Z.A.M., I may explain that this ritual pertained to Saturn in Libra; and, though right enough in its own plane, is a dog— faced demon in this operation. Is it, though? I am so blind that I can no longer decide the simplest problems. Else, I see so well, and am so balanced, that I see both sides of ever…
1909 · PDF PAGE 129
…Only Adonai, who is in a sense the True Meaning of everything, cannot defile any idea. This is a hard saying, though true, for nothing of course is dirtier than to try and use Adonai as a fig—leaf for one’s shame. To seduce women under pretence of religion is un- 127
1909 · PDF PAGE 109
…rawl the page over with the most fearful curses ! and John St. [01111 has nearly thrown a bottle at the waiter for not bringing the next course. He will not be allowed to finish his wine ! He orders cold water. Things alittle better. But he tries 100 small muscular movements, pressing on the table with his fingers in tune, and finds the tendency to hurry almost irresistible. This record is here written at lightning speed. . . . Attempt to write slowly is painful. 107
1909 · PDF PAGE 65
…usually within 2°) the direction in which I faced when I left that tent or hut. And if I happen to have observed its compass bearing, of course I can deduce North by mere judgment of angle, at which I am very accurate. Further, I keep a mental record, quite unconsciously, of the time occupied on a march ; so that I can always tell the time within five minutes or so without consulting my watch. Further, I have another automatic recorder which maps out distance plus direction. Suppose I were to start from Scott’s and walk (or drive; it’s all the s…