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Page 1 of 11929 · PDF PAGE 51
…d spirit or matter. Spirit and matter are one, indivisible, eternal, inde- structible. Infinite and eternal change! Infinite and eternal pain! No absolute: no truth, no beauty, no idea, nothing but the whirlwinds of form, unresting, unappeasable. Eternal hunger! Eternal war! Change and pain infi- nite and unceasing. There is no individuality but in illusion. And the illu- sion is change and pain, and its destruction is change and pain, and its new segregation from the infinite and eternal is change and pain; and substance infinite and eternal i…
1929 · PDF PAGE 54
… of a very peculiar, perhaps unique, type of insanity. V. ENGLISH, M.D. NOTES: 1. It is one of the greatest cruelties of nature that all painful or depressing emotions seem to lengthen time; pleasant thoughts and exalted moods make time fly. Thus, in summing up a life from an outside standpoint, it would seem that, supposing pleasure and pain to have occupied equal periods, the impression would be that pain was enormously greater than pleasure. This may be controverted. Virgil writes: Fortisan haec olim memi- nisse juvabit, and there is at le…
1929 · PDF PAGE 28
…l future hope, was annihilated. It was during my convalescence that the most re- markable incident of my life took place. I was in great pain one afternoon, and wished to see the doctor. The nurse went to the study to tele- phone for him. Nurse! I said, as she returned, don't lie to me. He's not gone to Royston; he's got cancer, and is too upset to come. Whatever next? said the nurse. It's right he cant come, and I was going to tell you he had gone to Roys- ton; but I never heard nothing about no cancer.
1929 · PDF PAGE 45
…ould realize it. As lightning precedes thunder, it was followed by a hideous clamour that I can only describe as the cry of a machine in pain. This recurred constantly for an hour and five min- utes, then ceased as suddenly as it began. Arthur still fell. It was succeeded after the lapse of five hours by another paroxysm of the same kind, but fiercer and more continuous. Another silence followed, age upon age of fear and loneliness and shame. About midnight there appeared a grey ocean of bowels below the falling soul. This ocean seemed to be li…
1929 · PDF PAGE 39
…ess of his blood-beat. I became conscious of his intense longing for death to end the torture. The blood circulated ever slower and more painfully; I could feel him hoping for the end. This dreadful rose-dawn suddenly greyed and sick- ened with doubt. Hope sank to its nadir; fear rose like a dragon, with leaden wings. Suppose, thought he, that after all death does not end me! I cannot express this conception. It is not that the heart sank, it had nowhither to sink; it knew itself im- mortal, and immortal in a realm of unimagined pain and terror…
1929 · PDF PAGE 38
…eth upon that fodder. And yet, though the sensorium of Arthur was abso- lutely unimpaired, indeed hyperaesthetic, his conscious- ness of pain seemed to depend upon the opening of the mouth. As it closed in mastication, oblivion fell upon him like a thunderbolt. A merciful oblivion? Oh! what a mas- ter stroke of cruelty! Again and again he woke from nothing to a hell of agony, of pure ecstasy of agony, until he understood that this would continue for all his