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Page 1 of 11929 · PDF PAGE 51
… is Woe. Substance is called spirit or matter. Spirit and matter are one, indivisible, eternal, inde- structible. Infinite and eternal change! Infinite and eternal pain! No absolute: no truth, no beauty, no idea, nothing but the whirlwinds of form, unresting, unappeasable. Eternal hunger! Eternal war! Change and pain infi- nite and unceasing. There is no individuality but in illusion. And the illu- sion is change and pain, and its destruction is change and pain, and its new segregation from the infinite and eternal is change and pain; and sub…
1929 · PDF PAGE 45
…ment must have aided. I threw away my fifth cigarette, and returned to the death chamber. VI Before I had sat at the table ten minutes a change burst out with startling suddenness. At one point in the void the blackness gathered, concentrated, sprang into an evil flame that gushed aimlessly forth from nowhere to nowhere. This was accompanied by the most noxious stench. It was gone before I could realize it. As lightning precedes thunder, it was followed by a hideous clamour that I can only describe as the cry of a machine in pain. This recurred…
1929 · PDF PAGE 21
… you're as bad as Cousin Jenny! (Cousin Jenny was a blot on the scutcheon of the Buggs). You're a harlot, miss! And then, with an awful change as the truth came home to him: O my God! O my God! Damn it! he screamed, how did you get the keys of my little safe? The girl had frozen colder than the stone, but there was a new light in her eye, and if the curl of a lip could tread a worm into the dust, that lip was hers and that worm the author of her being. She had withdrawn as one who comes suddenly upon a toad, and the first flaming of her fa…
1929 · PDF PAGE 36
…have turned pitiful had he heard it, so perfectly did it express quintessence of damnation. Now then my husband's thought seemed to have changed places with the other. It was below, within, withdrawn. said to myself, He is dead! Then came Ar- thur's thought, I had better pretend to be mad. It will save her, perhaps; and it will be a change. I shall pre- tend I have killed her with an axe. Damn it! I hope she is not listening. I was now thoroughly awake, and told the driver to get home quickly. I hope she is killed in the motor; I hope she …
1929 · PDF PAGE 44
…ht be, I was baffled. The priests refused to pray for the soul of a heretic. I hurried back to the house, resumed my vigil. There was no change, except a deepening of the fear, an in- tensification of the loneliness, a more utter absorption in the shame. I could but hope that in the ultimate stagna- tion of all vital forces, death would become final, hell merged into annihilation. This started a train of thought which ended in a de- termination to hasten the process. I thought of blowing out the brains, remembered that I had no means of do- ing…