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BALLADE OF BICYCLING In fact, I should plunge and go nap On the quite unassailable ground Of Ace, King, Queen, Knave—verbum sap— “ Hi, mister, your wheel’s goin’ round !” L’ENVOI I doubt if the verse I distil Will be by th’ Academy crowned, I don’t care a bit if it will, As long as the voices are shrill ;— “ Hi, mister, your wheel’s goin’ round!”
THE VILLAGE CHAMPIONS 71 “ Well, mister, that’s the facs as seen Ten year ago come Chris’mas day, An’ so our villidge always been - The leadin’ villidge down our way ; But Billy Stokes ’ull always ’ave A ruin’ stummick to ’is grave. “ An’ when ’e tell the story now, ’"E seem to gasp fur want of breath— Yes, mister, Sawbones ses as ’ow ’E wean’t be better till ’is death ; ‘Unto ’is grave,’ ’e ses, ses ’e, ‘A ruin’ stummick’s what ’e be!’”
THE VILLAGE CHAMPIONS (FOUNDED ON FACT) ‘The way to Dorking, mister? Ay! I wean’t, a-fearin’ to deceive ; I bean’t a man as can rely, To speak on, as you might perceive. You go an’ ax that chap you see A-sitting by the villidge tree.” “« And who is he ?” the stranger said. “He seems more aged than you, my friend!” “Why, bless you, so ’e be,” his head He sadly scratched from end to end, “ But sich a hintellect, I'll lay You don’t see, mister, hevery day ! “Why, Billy Stoke ’e were the cove A matter o’ ten year agone What beat Jim Buskett out o’ …
…hill, Or a clergyman out in a trap ; It is better to meet a mishap With philosophy noble and sound, And steer for Fortunia’s lap : “ Hi, Mister, your wheel’s goin’ round !” Though Jack may be followed by Jill, On the slope, a man’s claret to tap ; There’s a way that is made by a will, Like a river turned on from a tap. You may cover the whole of the map, Your face with the sunlight is browned, You smile when boys shout, with a clap,! Hi, Mister, your wheel’s goin’ round !” Thus good is the converse of ill (Such truths are the moralist’s pap), A…
… Give forth to all men and sundry To win the championship fur heggs ; An’ this a stake 0’ twenty pound To any heater ’ere around.’ “Now, mister, we ’ad never thought To ’ave a heater sich as’e, An’ yet opined as summun ought To take the challenge, fair an’ free ; Fur Jim ’e seemed to us to boast, The which our villidge hates the most. “Well, arter ’arf-a-’our ’ad gone, Why, sudden-like there up an’ spoke: ‘T’ll challenge this ’ere champion !’ An’ this was this ’ere Billy Stoke. So ups we gets upon our legs, An’ tells the girl to fetch the heggs…
…ed ’most fit to die, An’ turned from green to dirty-brown ; An’ Sawbones Smith was a’most mazed, An’ Parson Bimmins fairly dazed. “Well, mister, Jimmy Buskett ses, "E ses, ses ’e, at fifty-two, A-chokin’ an’ a-blowin’ es A rileway ingin go to do—