Relieved him with such sudden glee 
As to upset his cup of tea. 
 
Also he found inconvenient 
When urchins shouted “ Good old stand ! ” 
When at a dance, the matrons lenient 
Would cough and smile behind a hand. 
And maidens with gazelle-like eyes 
Observe with wondering surprise. 
 
Besides, an everlasting aching 
Kept him for ever on the shove. 
At lunch or tea, asleep or waking, 
He felt the gentle hints of love. 
A parson too (O who could doubt it ?) 
Is best without it. 
 
When he began to read the text 
Preparatory to his sermon 
’Twould rise, and he, beginning vexed, 
Would end by sundry oaths in German, 
Whose tendency to edification 
Was not clear to his congregation. 
 
By day, by night, eternal stands ! 
One long continuous emission —  
He left his cure in other hands 
And sought his cure of a physician, 
Who marvelled at his tale of tooling 
As at a pretty piece of fooling. 
 
But, soon convinced, he diagnosed 
This case as clearly as could be ; 
“ You suffer, sir (no, be composed !) 
From a mistaken chastity. 
Indulge your natural desires 
And quench those fires ! ” 
 
 
[94]