Abandoned in disgust. 
You will wonder however how it was that Leila’s 
monthlies did not last out the 1000, by the figures 
only 14 hrs, 57 min.  The answer was that she was 
peculiarly constructed in this way.  Her so-called 
“ monthlies ” occurred every four days, and lasted 
but twelve hours, never more.  I was consequently 
biffed off every time about 925 or so. 
The wisdom of this provision of Nature was 
soon evident. 
The desirability of breeding another Leila had 
lent wings (to use a metaphor) to the reproductive 
mechanism of the lousy-notched barrack-hack.  So 
that what follows will occasion no surprise in the 
truly scientific mind. 
We celebrated the 900th creamy, as I said be-
fore, with a brief but glad hymn of praise to the 
God who had made us, and I withdrew my dripping 
bushwhacker for a moment in order to wipe it dry 
— nothing is so deleterious to the proper enjoy-
ment of a game at Hey Gammer Cook as the too 
great slitheriness of the lady’s rattle-bollocks —
 and in returning it to its sheath, the lassie was so 
pleased that she forgot for a second her role for 
protecting herself against danger of impregnation.  
This has always been to constrict the vagina in two 
places :  near the vulva, to tighten on the master of 
ceremonies :  and at the cervix, to prevent any of 
the fertilizing fluid, or, as she loved to call it, tool-
treacle, from doing its deadly work.  The remaining 
space, bigger than the Caves of Kentucky, was de-
voted to a cloak-room during the season, and to a 
universal shit-house for the wonderful collection of 
worms and other reptiles that she always loved to 
have about her.  She had one tapeworm in particu-
lar — a fine fellow, I remember him well, he had an 
intellect like a Newton, and a tail like a tooth-
pick — whom she dearly loved.  So that there was 
no risk of harm happening.  But on this occasion 
[75]