fallen fortunes with a poem on the culinary uses of 
placentas, which fell still-born from the press, gave 
up the unequal contest and had himself buggered 
to death in the principal Harman of Constantin-
ople. 
The Pope signalized his approbation of my ser-
vices by appointing me to a fat bishopric, with the 
run of all the choir-boys in the district.  But I had 
my work cut out in other ways, for Leila was still 
with me, and you know from your own experience 
that she has but to grip once your father-confessor 
with her amazing man-trap, and it is not so easy to 
withdraw. 
It fell on this wise.  The English were still dis-
embarking in interminable file upon the sunny 
shores of the Low Countries when my nine hun-
dredth creamy emission for that period roared like 
the breaking of billows into that living fountain.  
We were wont to celebrate this emission, as its oc-
currence was wont to mark the near cessation of 
her tomato-jam season.  Never for all my efforts 
had I managed to do the 1000.  I fancy that 900 is 
somewhere near my physiological limit for one 
bout, as it were.  On the best time I ever did, the 
figures were : 
 
 
0-100,  
83 min. 
 
101-200,  
78 min. 
 
201-300,  
57 min. 
 
301-400,  
59 min. 
401-500,  
68 min.  
(Time lost on this 
heat by having to 
piss.) 
 
501-600,  
54 min. 
 
601-700,  
60 min. 
 
701-800,  
79 min. 
 
801-900,  
93 min. 
 
901-1000,  
266 min. 
 
1001-1100,  
793 min. 
[74]