Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

of a bloated and drunken type, and began her fa- vourite anecdote, the story of her election as a Dame of the Grand Council of the P......e League. To skip irrelevant details, she began, let me merely say that I was stripped and whipped by a bevy of lust-maddened wagtails, headed by a Marchioness. My unfailing sense of propriety led me to protest against this unmeaning assault : but in vain. A string of girls and women seized my clitoris — (I saw this now for the first time. What I had supposed to be a coil of rope on which she was sit- ting slowly arose and unwound itself. It was a clitoris indeed ! Lady’s love-lump was a futile term : rather a fancy-fagot’s fuck-flapper, in Swinbourne’s faultless phrase. But all phrases are weak. It was Nature’s standing miracle.) — which, as you will observe, is ninety-seven yards, two feet, and four and three quarter inches in length — it is the sor- row of my life that I have never touched the 100 yard mark ! — And standing in a long row, began to frig and suck it madly. As you can see, I can coil and uncoil it at pleasure : I can wind myself up in it : I could hang myself in it if the whim took me. I have dipped it in treacle, and given a Sunday- School treat which the children will remember for years — they all got the clap ! — I have smeared it in birdlime, and caught a record lot of eagles : I have buggered eight pythons at one moment : I have — But why boast, she piously interrupted herself, since it is but the grace of God ? Yet, for His Glory, I proceed. I have used it to climb the most inaccessible rocks : the Mittleggi Grat of the Eiger, the N. face of the Matterhorn, the E. face of the Zinal-Rothhorn, whose last 50 feet baffled the unequalled Bletzerstoch ; all, all have fallen before the dauntless dexterity by which I have thrown up its sensitive end, and hauled myself up laboriously after it. I have used it to save the lives of gallant [50]