Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

So he chivied a hole from her bubs to her bladder And took out his penis and blocked her : And thus the very first man that had her Was the eminent London Doctor. She had triplets soon by the boy in the stable : There was Copulating Cora And beautiful Mensurating Mabel And Defecating Dora. Of all they did to tell you the story I may one day not be chary For it all redounds to the honour and glory Of Micturating Mary. But the Bishop ruined the Vicar’s daughter. Though he usually kept it hidden, he Had a tool in length a yard and a quarter. And it jiggered a hole in her kidney. Her beautiful golden urine turned To a mucus ropy and glairy And the meaning of “ pains in the back ” was learned By Micturating Mary. The doctors did all they could to save her. She throve on a diet ascetic. Till some silly ignorant bugger gave her Some gin as a diuretic. For fifteen years without cessation Did the hissing torrents roll out ; And at the P.M. examination They found she had pissed her soul out. They carved a beautiful chamber-pot On her tomb : and this moral appear did : “ This elegant girl in an hour from her twat Poured more than the Nile in a year did. Through the ages of earth her faultless fame Will never alter nor vary : Stranger, hats off to the honoured name Of Micturating Mary ! ” [140]