THE AUTOMATIC GIRL 
 
 
I 
The march of science in the land now marks an-
other stride : 
Not all in vain was Darwin’s pain, that Bruno lived 
and died. 
From Newton’s toil we gain the oil to ease men’s 
woes that whirl. 
We now produce for public use the Automatic Girl. 
 
II 
She’s warmed by electricity ;  she wags her arse by 
steam, 
Her eye displays Marconi rays, a chemist makes 
her cream. 
An antiseptic pussy-cat assures suspicious churls 
That Jonathan has guaranteed our Automatic 
Girls. 
 
III 
Besides these marks of progress there’s another 
gain to reap. 
French girls are dear and Dutch, I tear, are dirty, if 
they’re cheap. 
We cater for the wants of all — a humble brown 
may twirl 
Its easy passage through the slot of the Automatic 
Girl. 
 
 
 
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