Diary of a Drug Fiend

Towards Madness 207 “not only to influence them, but to remind himself of his mission and prevent himself wasting his time on anything else. He’s not a fanatic; and in the year that I have known him, I've certainly got on more with my music than I ever did in any five years before. He proved to me—or, rather, showed me how to prove _to my own satisfaction—that my true Will was to be a singer. We began by going through all the facts of my life from my race and parentage to my personal qualities, such as my ear and my voice being physio- logically superior to that of the average musician, and my circumstances enabling me to devote myself entirely to training myself to develop my powers to the best advantage. Even things like my guardian being a great composer! He won’t admit that was an accident. ‘“‘ He claims that the coincidence of so many circum- stances affords evidence of design; and as so many of these are beyond the control of any human intelligence, it leads one to suppose that there is some individual at work somewhere beyond our limitations of sense who has made me a singer instead of a milliner.” “Oh, yes, Maisie,” I interrupted, ‘‘ but that’s the old argument that the design of the Universe proves the existence of God; and people have stopped be- lieving in God chiefly because the design was shown to be incompatible with a consistent character.” “Oh, certainly,” she admitted without a qualm. “The evidence goes to show that there are many different gods, each with his own aim and his own method. Whether their conflicting ambitions can be reconciled (as seems necessary from a philosophical point of view) is practically beyond the scope of our present means of research. Basil implored me not to bother my head about any such theories. He simply laughed in my face and called me his favourite nightin- gale. ‘Thou wast not born for death, immortal bird,’ he chuckled, ‘but neither wast thou born to take a course of Neo-Platonism.’ His whole point is that one mustn’t leave the rails. If I had convinced myself