Diary of a Drug Fiend

206 The Diary of a Drug Fiend I felt that Basil was the only man that mattered, and I had missed my chance with him through not being worthy. I had ended by losing him altogether ; and the irony of it was terrible, for I had lost him through loyalty to Peter at the very moment when I thoroughly loathed and despised him. Yet I knew that Basil would admire and love me for that very loyalty itself. It was the first thing that I had ever had to show him. My only asset had made me bankrupt for ever! Maisie had been talking quietly while I was thinking these things. I slid out of my concentration to hear her voice once more. She was in the middle of an explanation of her relations with Basil. “‘ He claims to be utterly selfish,’ vibrated her tense tones, “ because he includes every individual in his idea of himself. He can’t feel free as long as there are slaves about. Of course, there are some people whose nature it is to be slaves; they must be left to serve. But there are lots of us who are kings and don’t know it ; who suffer from the delusion that they ought to bow to public opinion, all sorts of alien domination. He spends his life fighting to emancipate people in this false subjection, because they are parts of himself. He has no ideas about morality. His sense of honour, even, means nothing to him as such. It is simply that he happened to be bornagentleman. ‘If I were a dog,’ he said to me once, ‘I should bark. If I were an owl, I should hoot. There’s nothing in either which is good or bad in itself. The only question is, what is the natural gesture?’ He thinks it his mission in the world to establish this Law of Thelema.” She saw my puzzled look. “‘ Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law,’ ”’ she quoted merrily. “‘ You must have heard those words before ! ”’ I admitted it. We laughed together over our friend's eccentricity. “ He says that to every one he meets,” she explained,