Diary of a Drug Fiend

202 The Diary of a Drug Fiend At the same time, he would feel a certain secret pleasure if he knew that I, on my part, had had some- thing of the same feeling for him. And all the time, he went on playing with the heroin. Once or twice he nearly dropped it in his nervous emotion. It made me jump to think of the danger to that precious powder. But there was clearly only one thing to be done to get it: to fall in with the old fellow’s humour. I let my head fall on my breast and looked at him sideways out of the corners of my eyes. “You can’t expect a young girl to confess everything she has felt,’’ I whispered with a deep sigh, ‘‘ especially when she has had to kill it out of her heart. It does no good to talk of these things,’’ I went on. “I ought really not to have come. But how could I guess that you, a great doctor like you, had taken any notice of a silly kid like me? ” He jumped to his feet excitedly. “No, no,” I said sadly, with a gesture which made him sit down again, very uneasily. ‘‘I should never have come. It was absolutely weakness on my part. The heroin was only my excuse. Oh, don’t make me feel so ashamed. But I simply must tell you the truth. The real motive was that—I wanted to see you. Now, let’s talk about something else. Will you let me have that heroin, and how much will it cost ?”’ “One doesn’t charge one’s friends for such slight services,” he answered loftily. “‘ The only doubt in my mind is whether it’s right for me to let you have it.” He took it out again and read the label. He rolled the bottle between his palms. “It’s terribly dangerous stuff,” he continued very seriously. ‘I’m not at all sure if I should be justified in giving it to you.” What absolute rubbish and waste of time, this social comedy! Every one in London knew McCall’s hobby for intrigues with ladies of title. He had invented the