Below the Brutes 195
The fourth man to whom Peter had gone told the
same story, but had been very cordial. He thought
he’d help things by standing Peter a dinner and filling
him up with alcohol, with the idea that that would
help him to support the lack of the other stimulant.
It seems that I had to pay for the prescription.
No, Lou, you're a naughty girl. You mustn’t be
bitter like that. It’s your fault for getting born into
a world where ignorance and folly are in constant
competition for the premiership of the minds of the
educated classes. The commonest ploughman would
have had more horse-sense than that doctor.
I gave Peter the tablet with plenty of water when he
began to get restless. It soothed him a great deal. I
wished I had one for myself. I felt my irritability
returning ; but I didn’t break out because it couldn’t
be long till Basil came round. I looked forward to
his coming as to a certain end to all our troubles... .
What actually happened was quite different. I
hardly know how to write it down. The shame and
the disappointment are blasting. I feel that the doors
of hope have been slammed in my face. I can imagine
the grinding of the key as it turns in the lock, the
screech of the rusty bolt as it is driven home.
The moment Basil appeared, Peter’s insanity blazed
up. He poured out a stream of insults, and accused
Basil to his face of trying to get me away.
If Basil had only known how eagerly I would have
gone! A man in sexual mania is not fit to consort
with human beings. I never realised before why women
despise men in their hearts so deeply. We respect men
who have mastered their passions, if only because we
are ourselves ultimately nothing but those passions.
We expect a man to show himself superior. It will
not do to kill passion, like Klingsor; the sexless man
is even lower than “the wounded king,’ Amfortas,
the victim of his virility. The true hero is Parsifal,
who feels the temptations. ‘‘ A man of like passions
with ourselves.” The more acutely alive he is to love,