The Grinding of the Brakes IQ!
He shook his head comically.
“Oh, no, Miss Unlimited Lou, not what I call a magical
diary. You ought to be ashamed of yourself for not
knowing the hours, minutes, and seconds since the last
dose. Nous allons changer tout cela. Youcan take this if
you like, and when you like. I merely put it up to you
as a sort of sporting proposition that you should see how
long you can manage to keep off it. But I trust you
to make a note of the exact time when you decide on
a sniff, and I trust you to tell me the truth. Get it
out of your mind once for all that I disapprove of your
taking it. It’s entirely your business, not mine. But
it’s every one’s business to be true to himself; and
you must regard me as a mere convenience, an old
hand at the game whose experience may be of use to
you in training for the fight.”
I hurried home a different woman. I didn’t want to
save myself. I felt myself as a suit of armour made
for the purpose of protecting Peter. My integrity was
important not for my own sake but for his.
Peter is out, so I have written this up. How surprised
he will be. ...
I wonder why he is so long, and where he has gone.
It is very uncomfortable, waiting, with nothing to do.
I should like a dose. The tablet has not made me
sleepy; it seems to have calmed me. It has taken the
edge off that hateful restlessness. I can bear it as far
as that goes, if only I had something to do to take my
mind off things. My mind keeps prowling around the
little packet of paper in my bag. I turn a thousand
corners; but it is always waiting behind all of them.
There is something terrifying about the fatality of the
stuff. It seems to want to convince you that it’s useless
to try to escape. One’s thoughts always recur to lots
of other subjects which we don’t think of as obsessing.
Why should we have this idea in connection with dope
and be unable to do anything to throw it off? What’s
the difference ?