1909 · CLOSE READING
The Equinox (Volume I, Number II)
The Equinox (Volume I, Number II) (1909), PDF p. 199
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ILLUSION D’AMOUREUX
in some mysterious orison that was subtler and stronger than
prayer.
“O beautiful, adorable, wonderful! O soul of wicked-
ness! Supreme abomination, I invoke Thee! I worship
Thee! I love Thee! Body and soul, I invoke Thee!
Awake! Arise! Move! Manifest thy bliss to me, the soul
that hungers for thy wisdom, as my body aches for thy
kisses!
“ Have not I wooed Thee and awaited Thee? But Thou
comest not. By what spell may I conjure Thee? AmI the
mock of Thy majesty? Ah, my god, my master, my lover—
nay, that Thou art not.
“But I love Thee! I worship Thee!”
With supreme force she cried out upon the God ; she tore
at her beautiful flesh with her fingers; she writhed upon the
fur; words of dreadful passion bubbled at her lips; her mouth
was like a raging sea of blasphemy ; she moaned and struggled,
torn by some internal force even as a woman in childbirth;
she sank back into black silence, exhausted, numb.
But now the words came back like echoes from the infinite
—I love thee! I worship thee!
The lights went out; the black god gathered himself
together; his mighty form outran the limits of space. He
gathered himself in force and fire; he concentrated himself ;
as a black cloud he wrapped her round—body and soul. He
ate her up with his first kiss; his arms crushed her into
his mouth as a boy might crush some golden grape; the
majesty of his passion clove her with white-hot steel; her life
rushed headlong down the steeps of annihilation.
Yet in her rose the awful dawn of a new life, vast and
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