John St. John

8.40. 10.18. 10.30. 10.40. 10. 57. THE EQUINOX joy, with a delicious awe? I must wash His feet with my tears; I must die at His gateway; I must. . . I know not what. . . Adonai, be Thou tender unto me Thy slave, and keep my footsteps in the Way of Truth! . . . Iwill return and humble myself before the Lord Adonai. Home again ; have done odd necessary things, and am ready to work. I feel slack; and I feel that I have been slack, though probably the Record shows a fair amount of work done. But I am terribly bruised by the Great Fall; these big things leave the body and mind no worse, apparently ; but they hurt the Self, and later that is reflected into the lower parts of the man as insanity or death. I must attain, or . . . an end of John St. John. An end of him, one way or the other, then l Good-bye, John ! Ten minutes wasted in sheer mooning! I’m getting worse every minute. Fooled away ten minutes more! Humiliation enough! For though I made the cross with Blood and Flame, I cannot even remain concen- trated in humiliation, which yet I feel so acutely. What a wormy worm I am! I tried the new strict Siddhasana, only to find that Ι had hurt myself so this morningwith it that I cannot hear it at all, even with the pillow to support the instep. I will just try and do alittle Pranayama, to see ifI can