John St. John

9.10. 953- 10.14. 10.27. 122 THE EQUINOX bered at all. I have gone to bed, and shall take things in hand seriously, ifit kills me. Since 9.17 have done Pranayama, though allowing myself some irregularities in the way of occasional omission 01 a Kambhakham. ’Tis very hard to stick to it. I find myself, at the end of above sentence, automatically crawling into bed. No, John! Have been trying to extract some sense from that extraordinary treatise on mysticism, “ Konx Om Pax." Another failure, but an excusable one. I will now beseech Adonai as best I may to give me back my lost powers. For I am no more even a magician! So lost am I in the illusions that I have made in the Search for Adonai, that I am become the vilest of them all! A strange and unpleasant experience. My thought suddenly transmuted itself into a muscular cry, so that my legs gave a violent jerk. This I expect is at bottom the explanation of the Bhuchari—Siddhi. A very bad form of uncontrolled thought. I was on the edge 01 sleep; it woke me. The fact is, all is over! I am done! I have tried for the Great Initiation and I have failed; I am swept away into strange hells. Lord Adonai! let the fires be informing; let them “ balance, assain, assoil." I suppose this rash attempt will end in Locomotor Ataxia or G. P. I.