John St. John

7-35- 7.50. 7.57- 8. 3. 8.12. JOHN ST. JOHN The truth is that the Chittam is excited and racing, the control being impaired; and the Ego is springing up again. This racing of the Chittam is simply shocking. John St. John must stop it somehow. Hours and hours seem to have passed since the last entry. !!! He is in such a deuce of a hurry that (in a lucid moment) he finds himself trying to eat bread, radish, beef and potato at a mouthful. Worse, the beast is pleased and excited at the novelty of the sensation, and takes delight in recording it. Beast! Beast! !! 1! After myriads of aeons. He has drunk only about one third of his half-bottle of light white wine ; yet he’s like a hashish-drunkard, only more so. The loss of the time-sense which occurs with hashish he got during his experiments with that drug in I906, but in an unimportant way. (Damn him! he is so glad. He calls this a Result. A result! Damn him!) O.M. who writes this is so angry with him that he wants to scrawl the page over with the most fearful curses ! and John St. [01111 has nearly thrown a bottle at the waiter for not bringing the next course. He will not be allowed to finish his wine ! He orders cold water. Things alittle better. But he tries 100 small muscular movements, pressing on the table with his fingers in tune, and finds the tendency to hurry almost irresistible. This record is here written at lightning speed. . . . Attempt to write slowly is painful. 107