The Equinox (Volume I, Number VIII)

Aug. ιο᾿ ,, 25᾽ . Reobligated, though ill. ,, 16. ,, Ι7᾿ 18. ΤΗΕ EQUINOX N.B.——To look expectantly always, as if He would instantly appear. In Sign of Osiris Slain; cut cross and circle as before, renewing vows. Twenty-eight mins. Got the Threshold—the awful doubt whether one shouldn’t walk away and throw up the whole thing—presented first as a temptation, then as a doubt. Wherefore the cry, " Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani.” But got no further—save from a sense of dew distilling from the Eye in the Triangle by the Ray. Am still very much below par. Not that I feel bad ; but I sleep absurdly after massage. (As a matter of fact, he suffered intensely from neuralgia and eye trouble all this summer, with hardly any intermission) Reobligated, though ill. (Through the obstruction of a duct in the eye several extremely painful operations were needed, and he was in practically unintermittent pain.) Reobligated, though ill. Pain too great to record vows, even if I made any. (His practice was evidently to take the vows afresh every week: he seems to have recorded no practices, though he evidently did them daily. The diary is all this time blank of any records of any sort.) Renewed vows as usual. Went to A — P?־H—, C.