THE EQUINOX
That night, as he said his prayers at his mother's knee,
she was surprised and pleased to hear a new petition:
“ And
oh] dear Jesus, do let me do ever such a great work for other
little children I Bring them all in
! Don’t let me miss one out."
Hot stuff for six, I don't think.
It was evident, to his astuteness and business capacity, that
this work demanded the most complete organization
He
therefore obtained a post under Government, so that, while
touching a good salary, his whole time was free to devote to
his great scheme.
“Punctuality,” he often said to me, “is
the thief of time; procrastination is the soul of business,” and
would justify his paradox by pointing out that if you only
left letters unanswered long enough, the need to answer them
disappeared.
His system, in fact, became extremely popular; even Charles
Dickens playfully animadverts upon it in one of his novels.
A secretary being necessary to him, he pressed his sister
A—— into the service, thereby saving her from such terrible
temptations as love, marriage, or even occasional relaxation,
which is known to be the devil's subtlest engine, and saving
himself from the expense of hiring a drudge.
He applied the same fine intelligence to all the problems
of life.
Onanism, he argued, is demonstrably safe and eco-
nomical ; further, it is secret, and can be passed off as chastity;
hence credit with the pious
Again, “I am out to get the
money that parents give their children
; I am the Sole Inventor
of the
‘ Kinchin-lay‘ ; and I am certainly not going to queer
my own pitch by getting children.
I might have to give them
pennies now and then myself."
Onanism consequently became
the rule of his life; and it is only fair to say that I believe the
246