3o
KONX OM PAX
SCENE.
Practicable
Drawing-room littered with innumerable sheets of double
Elephant Whatman
paper, about to be an impracticable
Table of
Correspondences.
A roaring fire.
Sofas and Chairs.
In presenting this play before
a British
audience,
the Manager
should comeforward and say:
“ Ladies
and Gentlemen,
owing to
the severe
indzspositzon
of the Author,
no
obscene jests will
be
found to occur in
the dialogue of this play.
The actors have,
however,
been
instructed to pause and wink atfrequent intervals,
when you are at liberty
to imagine
an unusually
profound and
peculiarly foul double entendre.
We have also gone to the expense
of hiring people
to sit in the stalls
and start the laughs, so that
there is no excuse whatever for any ofyou to complain of having
passed an unprurient evening.”
The scene
rises.
The Bones FAMILY and MR. BOWLEY
sitting
round the fire.
U17 stage, MRS. P .. TR .. CK C .. MPB .. LL chased
by MR. M..RT..N H..RV..Y runsofi'R. andbarhs hershin on
a chair.
Mrs. P. C‘. I am not happy!
I am not happy!
0 leyndyvaine,
what shall I say?
Mr. M H. Most people would say Damn, ma belle Mygrainel
Mrs. P. C. [Aside.] If Maeterlinck
gives meaname likeaheadache,
will not Shaw call me simply a cough-drop?
[ExiL
Prompter.
[Angn'ly.] The Truth!
Mr. .M. H. The Truth!
The Truth!
The Truth!
[Exit
Blare of Trumpets.
Mrs.
Bones.
A
truce
to this
theatrical
follyl
More
cofi‘ee, Mr.
Bowley?
Bowley.
Please.
I hope you will forgive
me,
Mrs. Bones,
but in
honour of the festive season,
and
as relaxation
of our
severe
labours
upon
the Table of Correspondences,
I
have
taken
the
liberty
of