The Equinox (Volume III, Number I)

THE EQUINOX plishment of such work, particularly if uninteresting and tedious in itself, goes far towards that end. Jany. 3oth., 1911. Letter from Frater P.A. his Neophyte. From this letter he learned that many changes had transpired since he left England, and among them that Frater P.A. had severed his connection with the Outer Order, but was willing to continue in charge of him. Febry. 5th. He wondered if Frater P.A. had only told him this as a test. It must be remembered that all this while he had worked on alone, and had had no news to speak of, and this he attributed to his own failure to carry out his task in detail. In this he was no doubt right to a great extent, for unless any Pro- bationer does what he is instructed, he can expect no further help, which would only mean that the Master concurred in his laziness or weakness, March 6th., 1911. Up to this time, although he had done the exercises regularly no particular result had occurred, and we find this note: “I do not really look for any results now, or expect any, since control of ‘self’ is the object of these exercises.” Now it is to be noted that when one really gets to a state when having worked one is content to continue to do so, ex- pecting no results, one often obtains them. (Of course it’s no use trying to fool oneself on these things, you can’t get a result by just saying you don’t carea damn.) Something of the sort seems to have happened in this case, as the following shows. March 12th. “During Lecture on ‘Parsifal,’ I felt illumination within which per- meated my whole being, and I became conscious once more of the Truth of my previous Illumination which I had lost, as it were.” This entry is interesting. Illumination comes, and at the time there is no doubt about it. IT IS. Then, perhaps, life goes on much as before, except for the ever present remem- brance of “Something that happened”; and, having nothing with which to compare it, that Something is difficult to de- scribe or even to formulate. However, immediately one approaches another period one can recognise the symptoms, 144