THE EQUINOX
that state of uncertainty in which I lived before this realization came? This
realization having come about has at any rate remained as a glimpse of Being,
different from the previous not-being.
The result of his mental analysis appears to amount to
this, that he had experienced within himself a state of con-
sciousness full of Peace and Joy, yet which more nearly
approximated to Zero than any other term. He can find
nothing with which to compare this state, but he recognizes
its immense superiority over normal consciousness, and feels
an intense desire to make it possible for others to share his
experience. Since however he finds it impossible to explain
it in words, he recognises that he must obtain the knowledge
of some definite System of producing the state scientifically,
but since he is not even a Neophyte of the A..A..., he won-
ders if They will recognise him as qualified to demand the
right to know and spread Their teachings. He determines in
any case to reduce the wants of the Ego as a separate being
as far as possible, by forgetting self in his efforts to do all he
can for others according to the Light he has obtained.
He found however that the destruction of the Ego was not
thus easily accomplished at the first assault. Nevertheless
he learned, not from books but from experience, that the
Goal was to be found within himself, and that the nearer he
could approach to the Consciousness of Nothingness the
nearer he got to the Realization of Pure Existence. This
reduction of consciousness to Zero then became the fixed
aim of his Meditations; and any other experiments he en-
tered upon, were, from that time onward, looked upon as
necessary in order that he might fit himself to help others,
rather than for his personal development.
On January 7th, 1911, he received No. 4 of THE Equinox,
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